What are the pros/cons of adoption?

Question

If you are pro, please provide at least one con. If you are con, please provide at least one pro. I have been reading differnt post concerning adoption for the last few days. In an answer to one question, I posted that there are at least two sides to every story. People definitely have strong opinons when it comes to adoption. However, can those who support adoption also see that there are some negatives? Can those who are against adoption see that there are some positives?

Answer 1

I am a Pro to adotion. I am a birthmom also and I have an open adoption. I do believe that adoption has come a long way and that there are some more options so that adoption is not sucha mysterious thing for birthparents or children given up for adoption. I am very blessed to have a great adoptive family. I know that my little girl is safe and getting the love and attention that she deserves. I know that every situation does not always work out, but mine did. The birthfather is also envolved.

Pros:Gives baby steady home, someone who can provide for the child, emotionally ready for a child, gives people who can't have children hope

Open adoption Pros: Adoptive parents can ask about medical history, can meet bithparents to see what they are like, birthparents know what's going on with their child, get to know adoptive family

Cons: Not knowing what happened, loosing a child, heartache, sorrow, regret, disappointment

Open Adoption Cons: May be awkward, too much openess, confusion if not handled properly, guilt, sadness

Answer 2

Good question.

Cons:

1) Adoption is exploitive.  Throughout history, foundlings and orphans have been placed with families to satisfy the needs of the latter.  In the past (up until the 1920's), children were not usually adopted but rather indentured for labor they could provide a family.  Today, children are adopted to satisfy the psychological longings of infertile couples that want to feel needed.

2) Adoption is manipulative and demeaning.  Adoptees, natural parents, and adoptive parents are all caught in a system that tells them the emotions they should feel towards others in their life.  Real emotions often get denied and emotional immaturity is the inevitable but pitiful consequence.  The system is quite content with this situation.  It keeps people from mounting any effective reform efforts.  "After all," they say, "there just ungrateful and fractious whiners."

Pro:

1) Adoption is rooted in protection.  The adoption system evolved out of a desire to help foundlings who were once routinely killed.  The modern system continues to serve as a defense against infanticide.

2) Adoption is sight.  An adoptee has an amazing gift, the chance to see that deceit accompanies even those things the world calls good and wonderful.  This is a powerful lesson.

Answer 3

Pros:

Parents who cannot have biological children can still provide a loving environment to a child.

Children who might otherwise grow up in the foster care system get a stable loving home.

Women who don't want to be parents have another option.

Cons:

adults who were adopted as children continue to be infantalized by the system, and "protected" from the stigma of being adopted

Families are torn apart.

costs are prohibitively high for most people

children are lied to

Parents are lied to

SEALED RECORDS

women are coerced into abandoning their children.

Despite the fact that I tend to see more cons than pros about how adoption is handled in the US today, I am still very PRO adoption.  Children deserve stable homes, they deserve to be able to finish their childhood before becoming parents themselves, and they deserve unconditional love.  There are problems... big ones.... with the way adoption is practiced today, but it IS getting better.

Answer 4

LMAO Elizabeth !!!!

Answer 5

Pros: You are giving a child a steady home.

Cons: You may underestimate or not be prepared for the responsibilities that come went raising a child.

Answer 6

NOONE, they screen for mental health...If you have any tyoe of mental illness, they ask A LOT of questions. They have you interviewed by a psychologist and you have to show all your med records...

Answer 7

I'm a pro, and I'm not able to find a con with regards to my own experience.

But it doesn't applies to everyone and to every adoption.

I knew cases of bad decisions and bad results, there is not a general rule.

The case I'm talking about was about an American couple adopting a ten years old Russian boy.

He came with a culture background that was almost impossible to change and it was very hard to live with him.

There is nothing absolute.

Answer 8

Pros -

* a child that really needs a home (such as those in foster care) has a chance at being loved, cared for and a stable home.

* childless couples get to have a family - but no matter - the adoptive child came from somewhere else - from someone else - and that child needs to know their truth, their history and must have some contact (if possible) with their family of origin (from as early as possible) if that child is to have the best psychological outcomes from their relinquishment and adoption.

Cons - (yeah - I have a list!!)

* in infant adoption - too often adoption is given as an option against abortion.

The opposite of 'abortion' is 'carrying to term'. Only once the child is born should any decision be made - and then only if their are legitimate reasons for relinquishment. Monetary problems should not even equate. Children should be allowed to stay with the parents that had them - if at all possible.

It's what nature intended.

* closed adoption, sealed records, lies, secrets & making children live as if they have the adoptive parents as their ONLY 'parents' - all are wrong and so very damaging to the adoptee.

Adoptees have 2 sets of parents. They should be allowed to know and love both sets. That is an adoptees reality - anything else is a lie. Anything else is damaging to that child.

* adoption (mostly of infants) is too often considered because of circumstances that are - in reality - short term problems. (lack of money, not being married, being young, being in school/college)

Adoption is (in many cases) a long term solution to a short term problem.

* relinquishment of infants has huge psychological long term effects on both the relinquishing parents AND on the adoptee.

Good question - thank you.

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Edited to add a comment to 'Trying' above -

Very open and honest answer - more stories like yours needs to be told - thank you for taking the time.

My thoughts - even an infant would still feel some disconnect - as the child has come from another mother - as you say - the link between mother and child is unique, strong and amazing.

Your adopted children probably have some deep wounds from their relinquishment. It hurts like h**l to be given away by your mother - even if it was in your best interests. (no matter what age the relinquishment occurred)

To an adoptee - young or old - knowing that you have been not wanted by your mother - really really hurts. (even if your mother 'did' want you - but for some reason couldn't keep you - everybody has a deep desire to be kept and loved by their own mother)

Children don't have the words to express this - that's why many adoptees act out as they grow and go through different stages.

Please refrain from the - they should be grateful for what we have given them. I don't mean that in a harsh way - that's just how your post came across to me - an adoptee - who is -and has always been told that I should be grateful for being adopted.

Think - it wasn't my idea to be raised by strangers - adults made those decisions for me. I had no say. I shouldn't be made to feel grateful for that - really.

Adoptees often need more reassurance that they are loved, that they are needed and that you are not going to leave them.

(all things which I had so many self doubts about growing up)

Yep - we adoptees are particularly HARD WORK!! (sorry)

Love your children for who they all are individually - and with everything you have got.

Also - my thoughts - don't sugar coat the real reasons behind their relinquishment to them - especially as they grow older.

It's their truth - they need the real facts. The truth can be painful for the adoptee - but how can they form proper opinions of the situation if they aren't given all the facts.

Yes - adoptees have many fantasies about what 'could be'.

That's part and parcel with not being allowed to live with the one you should have. (if life were all peaches and cream!!)

The most 'settled' adult adoptees that I know - have honest and open relationships with their adoptive parents - and their adoptive parents love them unconditionally and do not make them choose between the parents that they love. Because most adoptees I know love their parents - with all their heart - but they love BOTH sets - not just one. And they should be allowed to do so - no matter what an adoptive parents personal feelings are towards the adoptees biological parents.

Just my advice - take it or leave it.

I really wish you all the very best as you sail through the ups and downs of raising an adoptive child. It sure must be a h**l of a lot of work.

Poss. x*x

Answer 9

I could personally never have a baby and give it up for adoption because adoption is not an option for me. However I am for adoption if someone chooses that for themselves. I think the pro would be that a baby would have a chance at life and not be aborted or end up being abused or killed because they are an unwanted child. So I do think its great for people to have a heart to give a child a home. The only con I have in adoption are when the child is not told from the start they are adopted and lied to about their origin, medical history and not given the opportunity to know where they came from. Whether they choose to seek this out or not should be their own decision and noone elses but they should be given the option to do so. Environment is a big factor is the development of a child but we must never forget that biology is a giant one as well.

Answer 10

The pros and cons are constantly running through my head.  I adopted 2 children who are now 8 & 9.  They came to live with me and my husband (in foster care) when they were 23 months and 3 years old (brother & sister).  At the time I thought that they were young enough that we could raise them as our own and they wouldn't remember much of their past.  I was so wrong!  The 9 year old had a strong bond with his mother when he was younger and now I have a hard time connecting with him at all.  I have somewhat bonded with my adopted daughter who is now 8 but she makes references that if her mother was out of jail then she would want to live with her.  It really hurts because she doesn't even know her mother and only knows what her brother remembers from being 3-4.  They did have visitation for about a year with the birth mother and my adopted daughter would hide under the table and shy away from her mom at every visit.  She wouldn't even let her hold her.  I know her idea of a birth mother is 100% fantasy.

My husband works 2 jobs to support us and has built onto the house to make room for the kids.  He has tried to do a lot of the work himself because we don't have the money to hire it all out.  It has taken almost 4 years and we are almost done.  Then the 9 yr old is constantly making reference that my husband doesn't spend enough time with him.  We do more with them than my parent's ever did with me.  The kid has never appreciated anything!  We have gone away and taken them to an amusement park every summer for a vacation, they go to the fair every year, the movies, bowling, mini golf, batting cages, you name it...we do it!  The more you give, the more he wants.  I have since had a child of my own and the bond is so different.  I never knew what that bond felt like.  He just turned 4 and has started picking up the other one's negativity.  I am constantly crying and asking my husband what he thinks our biological son would be like if he didn't have than influence.  I wonder if I made the right choice to adopt.

A few years ago when we decided to adopt, I was all for adoption.  I was in the mind set that I wanted to change the world and help children.  It is hard to help children who don't think they need help.  I have had some time to be in the situation and I still believe that adoption can be good, but there is a reason everyone wants an infant.  I think that would have made a huge difference in the outcome of our family!

Answer 11

Pro: a child that isnt loved, gets a home

CON: they didn't use to screen adopting parents for poor mental health.  How do I know?  I WAS ADOPTED BY TWO RAGING LUNATICS that to this day, have increasingly poor mental health.

I pray to God that they have changed this policy...and if not, I pray for the children being adopted!!

Answer 12

I am anti-adoption, but even I can think of a few "Pros"

1) Prepares adoptee if he/she ever needs to enter the "Witness Protection Program"

2) Being an adoptee is advantageous if he/she ever wants to become a private investigator

3) Family reunion parties can be really fun and interesting

4) If ever the adoptee needs an alias or second identity they are all set up for it

5) Having four "parents" can mean extra birthday and Christmas presents

Answer 13

there are so many wonderful things about adoption. you are helping a child and giving them a loving home. You are saving a child from going though the system and you get to have a child. the cons are you don't always know the birth parents history and this can lead to many emotional and learning problems in the child (say the parents were drug abusers) if you are thinking of adoption i say do it if you are prepared for the outcome of a child who may be more difficult. my suggestion is not to hide is from your child that they are adopted. use the word adoption alot in your house and buy picture books from your child to look at so they come to terms with it at a young age.

Answer 14

Cons: too many to list

Pros: I've become stronger and a better person for surviving the loss of my daughter

Answer 15

I think there  are lots of pros to this,because I've wanted to adobt my nefiew.  One con I see ,is I should make sure ahead of time for this committment because, this is a 13 year old boy  that would definately need alot of my time and I'm not married, so it really would be like starting all over cause my kids are grown.  But to say in a nutshell this would be sooo rewarding and we'd both be a family!! I'm not a pro in this at all ,but I can relate.