What are the psychological reasons why men treat their mothers bad?

Question

Hey I came across a guy who is dating a friend of mine. She has told me stories about him and his mom and how badly he has treated her. I think she was addicted to perscription drugs. She also told me the stories about his dad that he has 5 kids - 3 different women. I think he was married to this guy's mother, but he had a daughter months before his son ( the guy's brother) , then had another daughter with the first lady and the last daughter with the third women ( last two daughters are two weeks apart, all this while married) Finally then came the guy who is dating my friend ( he is the baby) . His mom and dad split, but he kept the boys. Anyway while listening to her story about this guy I tried to understand the reasons why his mother was addicted to drugs. I am guessing she was addicted to heal the pain, fathering 3 kids out side will hurt anyone. Why would she leave her boys with him? I guess he manipulated things?

On the other side this guys tells her things about how his dad use to beat his mom when he came home drunk and as a kid he used to sleep with her so his mother would not get beaten. Now this is something I can't understand I can see a boy who tried to protect his mother from his abusive dad, but once she left and all grown up his behavior towards her was cold. Should he be mad at his dad for treating his mom like that. He is close and cool with his dad and very cold towards his mother before she died.

I hope my friend knows what she is getting herself into and I hope he is not treating her the same way he treated his mother. Sons learn from their father and his dad was not a good role model.

Tell me your opinions.

Answer 1

really?

it happens, i guess.

i actually knew that guys take very much care about their mothers and this interferes with their relationships with girlfriends or wives, as the mother holds a special place and is given special attention. oedipus complex at work here....

maybe the cas eyou describe was a troubled family...

Answer 2

When a child sees his father disrespect and beat his mother, it is the only thing he knows.  If his father had respected women enough to teach his son to do so likewise, he would.  He will eventually (if he isn't already) treat his girlfriend/spouse badly also.  He has never had a good example to follow--this is how the cycle of violence/abuse continues.  Tell her to get out now before the beatings begin or he kills her.

Answer 3

Well, to me, both parents were equally bad and served as terrible role models for him.

Of course, he could choose to accept their inadequacies as parents and forgive them.  However, that solution is sometimes irreconcilable to many.  We sometimes tend to place the blame on one parent while accepting the foibles of the other parent.  That way, we still have a parent who we can continue to perceive as a loving parent who just made some mistakes.

In the case you described, the boyfriend decided to side with the father and blame the mother for his dysfunctional childhood.

Of course, that is not the correct choice.  Instead, he shouldn't place the blame on either parent.  Rather, he should accept them the way they are and the way they were, and use them as models for how to live or not live one's life.

I'm afraid that he will tend to treat your friend in a dysfunctional manner because of his cognitive disconnect on this issue.