What are the worst and the best books you've actually read about adoption?

Question

No...I've heard abouts...actually read.

Answer 1

I will always have a special place in my heart for Lost & Found by BJ Lifton, because it was the first adoption book I ever read, and it truly crystalized feelings I had for years that I hadn't been able to verbalize.

I was one of the adoptees interviewed for Journey of the Adopted Self, by Lifton as well.  It's a damned good book.

I think The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler is illuminating.  Really important contribution!

When are you coming to see us at

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum

anyway?

Why must we wait? ;-)

Answer 2

Favorites that others have mentioned:

The Girls Who Went Away

The Primal Wound

20 Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Parents Knew

Secret thoughts of an adoptive mom

Other favorites, mostly on international and transracial adoption:

Outsiders Within - edited by Jane Jeong Trenka et. al.

Are those kids yours? -- and even more:

Beyond Good Intentions -- both about transracial adoption, by Cheri Register -- very insightful and thought-provoking

Wanting a Daughter, Needing a Son - by Kay Ann Johnson -- this book is rather dry, but it is very factual, the author is a sociologist. It talks about attitudes towards parenting, abandonment, one-child policy and adoption in China -- very important for children adopted from China to know.

Lifebooks - by Beth O'Malley -- this isn't a perfect book (the wording is too hokey for me in many places), but it is a classic in writing lifebooks and offers many insights and suggestions.

The Language of Blood - by Jane Jeong Trenka -- A powerful and moving memoir of a Korean adoptee.

I Wish for You a Beautiful Life (by Korean first mothers) -- incredibly poignant

Post Adoption Depression -- I think the term is maybe a little misleading, but I think the book is important, because it gives adoptive parents permission to be less than perfect. Since no parents are perfect, I think a parent that realizes this and works hard to parent their actual child (as opposed to their dream child) will be a much better parent.

For Kids:

A Mother for Choco - Keiko Kasza

The Red Blanket - Eliza Thomas -- I like this one because it isn't just from the perspective of the adoptive mom, it presents the very real trauma the girl goes through.

Through moon and stars and night skies - Ann Turner -- similar to the above, but much more from the child's point of view because he is older.

When you were born in China - Sara Dorow and Stephen Wunrow -- just wonderful in presenting real life China and the possible reasons children are not with their first parents.

Kids like me in China - Ying Ying Fry et. al. -- Written in the words of an 8 year old adopted from China about her experiences and thoughts when she visited the orphanage where she lived before she was adopted. Portrays a real orphanage and the kids growing up there from a child's perspective

I could go on and on with books about Chinese culture and China, about Racism, and about Asian Americans. Email me if you really are interested.

The Worst:

The NCFA 'fact (roflol)' book  -- I MUST agree on this one!

Our Chosen Child -- an adoption "baby book" with the most atrocious poetry!

Adopting in China: a practical guide, an emotional journey - awful! These people, especially the "father" should never have been allowed to adopt -- he calls his daughter "funny looking" in a published book!

ETA:

A few more good ones I forgot:

Adoption Parenting: Creating a Toolbox, Building Connections - Jean MacLeod -- a very practical book with tons of useful tips for raising adopted children, particularly insightful regarding parenting children adopted transracially -- highly recommended

Attaching in Adoption - Deborah Gray -- some good tips here about developing attachment

Does anybody else look like me? A parent's guide to raising multiracial children -- though this is primarily intended for parents of biracial or multiracial birth children, it is also very helpful for parents raising transracially adopted children.

Journey of the Adopted Self - Betty Jean Lifton

W.I.S.E. Up! Powerbook - Marilyn Schoettle -- This is an amazing book and I can't believe I forgot it! It is designed to empower kids to answer (or not answer) questions about being adopted. It helps kids and parents work together to help the child work through issues relating to being adopted.

Answer 3

The Best:

Tell me a Real Adoption Story (children's book)

The Girls Who Went Away

Being Adopted

The Primal Wound (this one was very hard to read I sobbed through  much of it thinking what did I do to my baby. But it was well worth the tears and the understanding it gave me to help myself and my daughter)

Coming Home to Self

Adoption Mystique

The Stork Market

20 life changing choices an Adoptee Needs to Make

20 Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Parents Knew

Healing the Adoption Experience

Follow Your Heart (fiction)

I hope you have a Good Life

Evil Exchange (fiction)

The Worst:

The Chosen Baby

The NCFA 'fact (roflol)' book

Sorry hon I copied your list! But it is exactly the same one I would have done for me. The only other books I would recommend are Joe Soll's Adoption Healing Books. (one for mothers and one for adoptees) the work in them does not work for everyone but they have helped me in my healing process.

Phil your books are among my favorites as well..

I would also add Secret Thoughts of An Adoptive Mother, very interesting read.

Answer 4

The Best:

Tell me a Real Adoption Story (children's book)

The Girls Who Went Away

Being Adopted

The Primal Wound

Coming Home to Self

Adoption Mystique

The Stork Market

20 life changing choices an Adoptee Needs to Make

20 Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Parents Knew

Healing the Adoption Experience

Follow Your Heart (fiction)

I hope you have a Good Life

Evil Exchange (fiction)

The Worst:

The Chosen Baby

The NCFA 'fact (roflol)' book

Answer 5

Does "trying" to read count?

I tried to read "The Girls Who Went Away" but ended up sobbing uncontrollably before I reached the end of Chapter 2.  I donated the book to our library hoping that it will not be "banned" for being "anti-adoption".

I tried to read "Fast Track Adoption" but couldn't get to the end without retching with disgust.  Once I learned that the "birthmother" victim of the author committed suicide, I was ashamed that I even checked it out of the library.

I am wimp when it comes to adoption literature.

Answer 6

Lost and Found by Betty Jean Lifton. A must read for any adoptee. It helped me to better understand myself and the emotions I felt.

Answer 7

Books I've read (all of which I'd recommend):

* "Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self" by Brodzinsky, Schecter, and Henig

* "Birthright" by Jean A. S. Strauss

* "The Primal Wound" by Nancy Verrier

* "The Adoption Mystique" by Joanne Wolf Small

I am currently working through "Journey of the Adopted Self" by Betty Jean Lifton.  So far, it is very good.  My favorite, so far, has been "Being Adopted."

I seem to have avoided bad books at this point.

Answer 8

I don't recall the title, but I stopped reading before I got finished with the third chapter.  It's about this couple who has 19 children.  The part of the book I did read was absolutely ridiculous.  This couple insisted that children should be physically abused, and basically called people idiots if they disagree with this couple's parenting philosophy.  They acted like their adopted children should be grateful for the home they were graced with, and with the "wonderful" parenting they received.  I wanted to puke and smack them at the same time.

Edit:  I didn't see that you asked for the best, too.  Sorry about that.  I have really enjoyed and learned a LOT from books written from the adoptee's perspective.  I don't recall exact names, but one of them was mentioned above, 20 things adoptees wish...  I also like the books that are specifically focused on the ongoing grief process, and how to help adoptees throughout their lives.  I'm sure I'll learn more from my kids than I could ever imagine learning from these books, but I sure am glad I know what I DO know now, before bringing home our kids.

Answer 9

Best....

In Their Own Voices

20 Things Adopted kids wish their parents knew

Worst....

Its been a while since i've actually been able to sit down & read a book.

I think the Author was Wolf?

It was about an Amother who didn't connect with her Achild right away.

It was so long ago I can't remember the name of the book.