What are your opinions on me adopting & could you give me some advice if I do?

Question

I'm 21 in New Jersey. I took in my Niece who is a 10 year old girl in with me. I'm pretty good financially too. I work with Children but i just think there is something more that i could do. My Niece thinks it would be a good idea. I understand that it takes a lot of time and effort and sacrifices but I'm up for it. I've been thinking about it for about 4 months and am possibly going into the local agency to start the process tomorrow. Where i am kind of leery is how me & my Niece both will get through the first few weeks & how we could help the new addition to our family blossom. If your wondering i talked to the place I was adopting from and it would usually be 6 months to adopt a baby or Toddler but since i am looking for a child around my Nieces age (She's 10) it could be done in about 4 to 4 1/2.

Answer 1

Anyone 21 or older can adopt....so, legally, it is fine. The agency will determine if you are a good candidate and if your home, niece, and financial situation is a good and healthy one. I question what type of agency would give you specific time limits...and such short time limits, but other than that, I think you will do fine. It takes months to complete paperwork, background checks, homestudies, parenting courses, etc. I highly doubt that they can place a child with you in 4 months...unless you are their only case or you are paying them to expedite the process in some way. If this is just the local CPS/DSS agency, expect to wait longer due to paperwork and red tape....but, yes, an older child will be a good fit for your family and will also make for a quicker placement.  

Answer 2

Since you say you are kind of leery, maybe you should start out by becoming a foster parent, or mentoring, or be a crisis nursery provider.

Not that I am saying don't adopt, but you are very young, and have so many years ahead of you...there are many ways in which you could provide safety, stability, and much needed help to children who need it, and still adopt a foster child later in life.  

Unless you are absolutely sure about adopting, don't do it.  The child you adopt will NEED you to be solid, secure and sure in your decision.

Answer 3

You should make a beautiful family. IT may be rough at first and there again it may go smoothly. you never know just make sure before doing it its what you want so no one gets hurt    

Answer 4

Before I'd adopt, I'd have to seriously consider where my job status is.  If you're 21 and looking to adopt, it's pretty obvious that you're  not attending  college.  The younger a child is, the more expensive it is to care for them.  You caught a break with a 10 year old, because they practically take care of themselves, but I would not take advice from her.  Just make sure you have a well paying and SAFE job.  It sounds like you're  alone and if something would happen to you, what would happen to this child?  Think about it real hard before you jump in feet first.

Answer 5

You're not going through CPS? I'm not sure where else you adopt 10 year olds. I think the only available 10 year olds would be in the foster care system. Also I think at 21 parenting two 10 year olds is too much to take on. They will soon be teens, and you'll be in your mid 20s. It is your decision, but I would recommend waiting until you are older (late 20s). You seem very responsible if you're already taking care of your niece, and I commend you for that.

Answer 6

First of all congratulations for being a person who has the need to help others. I admire your perseverance and audacity, as not many persons your age would even think of such an undertaking.

I think the emotional decision you have taken is a great one. But nevertheless your rational side must be even greater.

Your niece is a great responsibility and bringing in a new integrand of the family will affect her life in a profound way she is not even aware of because she is a child. You don't know, if and how she will get along with an adopted child as you don't know what you will get. Some of those kids unfortunately can carry very deep scars from the past and most have emotional issues we can't even begin to understand.

I am not telling you to abort your wish... I am hoping you take some more time and thinking until you are completely certain of EVERYTHING this will change.

Also I would suggest a younger child...because then it will have more of you in its basic education and emotional stability.

good luck