What are your opinions on open adoption?

Question

What are your opinions on open adoption?

Answer 1

I can see why some people are "scared" of open adoptions, but I'm in favor of them.  I have three natural children and plan to adopt at some time in the future.  I hope to have an open adoption so that the child's birth mother could have a part in my child's life.

Answer 2

i'm currently in an open adoption and i think i can speak for both me and my son's parents when i say that we wouldn't have chose anything else. being able to choose the parents for my son was so much reassuring and really helped the process go smoother than i could have imagined. my son is very young right now to tell us how he likes being in an open adoption, but the way his parents are approaching the situation, i don't forsee any major future problems.  

i can undertand how some adoptive parents might be hesitant about open adoptions, but i think those people aren't fully aware of what open adoptions are. i send/get letter and pictures through the agency we worked with, so i don't have my son's address. we arrange visits through email. but otherwise, my son's parents have been able to keep their privacy. privacy in open adoptions varies from one situation to the next, usually according to the adoptive parent's requests. so people who worry that some crazy birthmother will come after them one day are really misinformed about their ability to prevent something like that happenin. plus, in legal binding adoptions, birthparents have no chance of getting their children back b/c they terminated their rights.

p.s. in response to apple's post: my son's "mama" is his mom. he doesn't call me mom and he doesn't call his birthfather dad, even though both of us are in his life. neither of us have any say in how our child is raised. we didn't place our son in an open adoption so we could raise him and not pay anything. again, we don't have a hand in a raising our child, just loving him. also, we are not crackheads...again, another uninformed idiot who has never been invovled in the adoption process making judgements about something they obviously know nothing about.

Answer 3

i would not do open adoption mi friend did and she now  dosent go see her mom and im as happy as can be not knowing mi birth mom and dad im glad i had a closed adoption

Answer 4

It should always be the birthmother's choice, and not the adoptive parent's choice.  Research shows openness in adoption benefits the child.  But many birthmother cannot handle fully open adoptions, or cannot imagine what it is like.  But it should always be her choice.  By not accepting adoptive parents who only want closed adoption, we can then guage the level of understanding and unconditional acceptance from the adoptive parents.  

Adoptive parents who choose closed adoption only, may be less educated, less knowledgeable regarding child development, less giving, and perhaps even still emotionally stuck in infertility issues.  It should be a red flag for a birthmother selecting adoptive parents for them to not be open to some openness in the adoption plan.  The details need to be spelled out, so everyone knows exactly what to expect over the years.

A generous, understanding adoptive family, who cherishes the birthmother of their child, and feels nothing but compassion for her, will make great parents!

Answer 5

It works when both parties are honest and willing. Of course, the adoptive parents want and yearn for a baby and even cry about their inability to do so. Beggars and whiners get on my nerves. I chose honest people for my daughter, and they are the best parents for her. It does work.

Answer 6

I am still unsure of it.  I am in the middle of getting ready to put my unborn daughter up for adoption (2 1/2 wks away) and while I feel completely at ease with the couple I picked, I am still unsure of contact with the child.....but I do agree that she should have access to any and all history for medical reasons.  The couple plan to tell her she is adopted and want a picture of me and her older sister so she can see us and I will always make sure there is a way to contact me for any reason they see fit.  I guess I am just a little worried that this might confuse her, but the parents are absolutely wonderful and I could not have picked anyone better to be Mommy and Daddy to this little girl!!!!  I would make sure that she knew that the couple I picked were her Mommy and Daddy.  They loved her and raised her.  I'm Ghost Writer(he he he), I may have given birth to her, but I did not do anything to help raise and nurture her.  What right do I have to interfere with her life?

But in cases where the parents' rights were terminated through child services because of abuse or negligence, then they have no business having contact with the child.

Answer 7

I SOUNDS GOOD FOR SOME PEOPLE. IF YOU KNOW THE PERSON,AND YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT THAT, THEN DO IT .YOU WANT THE BEST FOR THE CHILD. IF THE CHILD IS TO KNOW BOTH SIDES OF THE FAMILY. THEN IT IS GOING TO BEEN A GOOD THING. BE VERY CAREFUL. YOU DON'T WANT THE CHILD TO GET CONFUSE.BUT I LIKE THE THOUGH OFTHE CHILD KNOWING IT REAL PARNETS. I WISH WHEN I WAS ADOPTED 40 YRS. AGO. THAT WE HAD THINGS LIKE THAT AND OPEN ADOPTAGE. BECAUSE I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHO MY REAL PARNETS ARE. GOOD LUCK TO ALL OF YOU ALL. TELL HER OR HIM THE TRUE AT THE BEGINNING. PLEASE

Answer 8

Open adoption should be very specific to "the situation".  The adoptive parents should always be focused on "what the child would want to know" from the beginning, and attempt to form an open adoption with the birth mother/parents (in my opinion)

chances are, that eventually, the adoptive child will notice differences, and begin asking questions, usually anywhere from 5-9 years of age.

If "adoption" is not a part of his/her vocabulary by then, it may be more difficult to explain the situations surrounding their personal story.

Open adoption can be as simple as up to 2 letters and pictures a year (can be facilitated by an agency), or can be as extensive as personal visits at a park, or for lunch, or a bday party.

I want my daughter to know as much as she can about her birth mother. I want her to claim her identity, know her heritage, and become a strong, proud woman.  I want her most of all, to feel she belongs, and is "worth while" in this life, without all of the stigma that adoption can cause by ignorant people.

Talking about adoption is essential. That means, educating yourself, your family, and your friends on adoption language, and the do's and don'ts.  It's up to us, as  adoptive parents to be advocates for our children and the adoption process.

Answer 9

Open adoption is a blessing for everyone concerned.  I know there are cases where the birth mother is totally unfit and the adopted parents would not want her involved with the child.  However, in most cases, the birth mother is simply trying to provide her child with a home life and a future that he or she deserves.  The child is the innocent victim here.  The birth mother has the opportunity to make the ultimate sacrifice of giving up her child so the child can flourish and not be labeled illegitimate.  The birth mother will have the opportunity to watch the child grow in a stable, happy home with 2 parents providing everything that she can not provide.  The child will grow up knowing how much the birth mother loves him. And when he is grown he will understand the sacrifice she made for him and will be grateful to her.  There is no greater love than a mother that will give up her child so he/she can have a good future.  With open adoption, the child will never feel that the birth mother abandoned him....because she will always be a part of his life.

Answer 10

I think open adoption is the best way to go. I have been a birth mother and had adoptions done both ways. I know I was much happier and had a better experience with the one that was open. If you have any questions please feel free to ask me.

Answer 11

I am a birthmonther of a little boy who was placed in an open adoption 7 years ago (australia)

As I was a child of a closed adoption I see both sides of the coin..As a child I was furious not knowing anything...

As a birthmum I love to 'see' him grow up.  We have to sign a court document if we want rights to see them or not..his siblings birthparents vetoed this right so I am birthmum for both.

The first two years I used all three visits per year, but gradually as the years passed and I got married, it is more like a phone call and letter once a year.

I agree some birthmums you would not want contact with..but most of us are ok!

A

Answer 12

Open adoption scares the heck out of me. I know people will say I'm old-fashioned or selfish but that's fine. My son was adopted and his birth mother is not someone I'd want to have in either of our lives for various reasons. If my son wants to locate her when he's 18 I will help him because he should have that opportunity if he wants it, but he will be an adult then and if he wants her in his life, I wish him well. I will support whatever decision he makes and always 'be there' for him. But now? No. There is a reason that my son was adopted. I do support others' decisions to have open adoptions though. Whatever decision a family makes is their own personal choice and I think that's great.

Wow, some very harsh opinions on here. Like I said, if a family decides on having an open adoption, that's great for them! My son was adopted at 2-1/2 after his birth mother's parental rights were terminated. The courts don't just terminate rights on a whim -- it is usually done after the birth parent(s) has been given many opportunities to correct behaviors that might be harmful to the child or when the birth parent is unfit to raise children for whatever reason. Don't judge so harshly, people. Everyone's story is different and you don't know what you'd do in another person's shoes.

Answer 13

Did it twice, and never regretted it. :)

I love my children's Mom's just like my kids.

Answer 14

I think It's great! My mother was unable to care for me and my other four siblings because she is mentally ill. So we were all adopted by 2 wonderful parents who couldn't have kids. She does great with the help of others making her take her medicine. We go see her when she is doing well and is in town. It would be wrong to...she can't help what's wrong with her, and we mean the world to her! She went through labour just like every other mother did!

Answer 15

I think that the child and adopting parents have a right to know who the birth parents are.

Also, if the birth parents do not want to be contacted, they have that right, too.

Answer 16

I would never do it .

If i was to adopt a child I would want to be mama. Not have someone else be mama and have me just there to pay for the child because they are unable too for whatever crack head reason.

Answer 17

I think open adoptions should be mandated by law for certain circumstances.  Any adoption which occurs as a result of their rights being terminated should not be open and the birth parents should be required to submit periodic medical updates for their children.  Other exceptions might include pregnancy as the result of a violent crime.  Victims often have difficulty coping let alone being remind of their abuser.  

For general infant adoptions they should be open.  More women may feel comfortable with this choice if they knew they would have regular updates on their children.  Open doesn't have to mean that the birth parents are invited to birthday parties or holidays.  It should mean a sharing of information regarding the child and birth parent.  (i.e. bi-annual or yearly letters and pictures)  More can be added but it should be left up to the discretion of the adoptive parents.  Of course the biological parent should have a right to say they don't want anything more than the standard or have the information sent to an agency to hold for whenever they decide they want access to it.  Adoptee's need to have medical information and it should be their right to have access to this information.  A system of sharing between physicians through a confidential database could be established to provide this information.

Answer 18

We're in an open adoption with our children's birthmother.

I will admit that before becoming educated about open adoption and its benefits to the child, I was leary of it.  I thought open adoption meant "co-parenting", but of course it's not.  I suffered from ignorance on the subject.

Our children's birthmother is like family to us now.  I love our open adoption and wouldn't have it any other way.  I speak with her on the phone often and she sees the children regularly.  It is what is best for her, us, and most of all the children.  I never want them to wonder what she's like, why she placed them for adoption and the little things like how her laugh sounds, how her arms feel wrapped around them in a hug, and how beautiful her eyes are.  

I want them to love her because I know she loves them!

Answer 19

Whatever is best for the child is the best thing to do.

This site has some links about adoption:

http://abortionstop.com/

Answer 20

I think its truly whatever works for someone, but it has to work for all involved birthparents and adopted parents.  For some open adoption is the route, for others its not. I’ve read some positive open adoption experiences but have also heard some negative ones as well.  It be nice if people placing their baby/ child up for adoption had to provide some medical history.  I read that open and closed adoption the kids aren’t any different emontinal / mentally etc  except that with open if they have a question they can get it more easily. Where as closed unless their parents know it via information given to them when they adopted the  child they wouldn’t know.  

I personnel would never do an open adoption I would try and accumulate any information I could get on the birthparents from the agency .  I would fully support my child if they ever wanted to search for their birthparents/family one day.  I recently talked to a lady who was adopted and in an open adoption she absolutely hated it, and now has divorced her birthfamily. Her birthfamily was never respectfully of her adoptive family, even more her mother.

Answer 21

Personally I don't agree with it as I'd feel weird for my adopted child to see their real parents and start asking questions about why they look nothing like me and look more like their biological parents.

Answer 22

ONE TIP:  use an ADOPTION EXCHANGE program!  

We adopted children through the foster system and didn't want the birth parents to know any of our info (name, address, phone, etc.) but agreed to an open adoption.  Our open adoption means that we send her a letter and photos twice a year.  We send it to a company that houses our info and the birth mom's info - they work as a middle man so that we don't know her info and she doesn't know ours.  It's a great way to appease the birth mom's desire for a letter while keeping our family protected.

How I feel about it:  not wild, but I respect the birth mom's desire for it.

Answer 23

I've done open adoptions twice due to circumstances I was in. I felt that it was easier to be "open" and choose the family and get to know them so I'm comfortable with my choice. I was reunited with one of the two daughters and it was a great experience!! I cried so much and was thankful that she was healthy and happy. I'm still waiting to meet my other daughter. Keep in mind that "open" adoptions are far better than an agency to decide for your child. You get the say in who you want to be the family. I have never regretted my choice but it is a choice you have to prepare your heart and emotions for. It does require a time to heal from since you come home empty-handed from the hospital after 9 months of bonding during pregnancy. What made it more challenging for me was I already was a single parent and my daughter was old enough by time the second adoption was done to ask questions. Make sure you do something for yourself after like having someone to talk to and do something for that unborn baby before you send them with a new family like make something special for the baby's new room. I learned cross-stitch and made a lop eared velveteen bunny picture and framed it. The family took it and hung it in her room. It was the best I could do at that time and I enjoyed having something that when that child got old enough they would know it came from me.

(I'm answering using my bf's username, he said this was right up my alley. My username on here is Squishy)

Answer 24

I think it should be a law for it.  A child needs to be able to find out their family medical history.  That's important stuff.  I also think a person has the right to know who the real parents are as well.  Now for contacting them-if they do not want contacted that should be a legal clause on the odoption for the child.  It's rough when you have medical issues and can't get access to fmaily history to help your doctors out in treating you.

Answer 25

I love the idea of open adoption.  I was adopted from a closed adoption, and NY state hasn't allowed the records to be opened yet... sucks for health reasons and for just plain curiosity.

That being said, I think there should be very clear boundaries about how close the adoptive parents, child, and biological parents should be.  For me, when I was making plans of what I was to do if I had a surprise pregnancy, my choice was that I would do an open adoption, but I didn't want to be "In" the child's life.  I wanted us to exchange addresses and always know of each others location/phone number for emergencies, and I wanted an update every six months about the child's progress, plus a photo.  

I wouldn't want the child to be confused about who her/his real parents were.... since I was not going to be raising the child, I didn't it to think I was its Mom.... its mom was the woman raising it.  That doesn't mean I wouldn't love it, I just didn't want to be the auntie or something.