What are your thoughts and opinions on adoption?

Question

Ok, so ever since I was just a little girl I always knew I wanted to adopt. I'm only 18 now and definitely not planning on starting a family any time soon. Anyway I was just looking around and getting really mixed reviews on adoption. How it's great and how it's terrible. So I would like some thoughts and opinions you all have on this subject, adoptive parents and children. What was your experience like, good and bad. I know that everyone's adoptive journey was different depending on the situation and what not, but I do really want to hear about it.

Thanks everyone in advance!

Answer 1

i LOVE the answers from those who think fixing someone's infertility through the blood, sweat and tears of a younger woman who experienced an untimely pregnancy is so wonderful. especially when they have probably never considered placing their child for adoption *shrugs*

personally, i think adoption is way too market-driven; and has moved beyond it's original focus of providing homes for homeless children to providing childless homes with children, for profit.

also, most babies could be raised with their natural mothers, if she was given the support she needed.  yet, when there is so much money involved, why support her?  simply make her pregnancy a social outcast, scare the h**l out of her with a bunch of outdated statistics on child abuse and poverty; and continue to pad the pockets of the fat rats who lack any marketable skills except providing babies to paying customers.

just my opinion

Answer 2

For goodness sake, you are 18 years of age.  It is such an admirable thing for you to want to do but - wait.  Wait until you are older/married/finished your studies, etc.  Think of how you would feel with your own biological children...  Do you want to give birth?  How would you feel toward a child whether biological or adopted?  

Please think long and hard about this life-changing decision.

Don't adopt a baby because all the Hollywood stars are making it "acceptable" - it takes tonnes of commitment and dedication to raise a child - whether adopted or not.

Answer 3

Adoption is HORRIBLE!!!

Can you imagine homeless children being put up for adoption. ITS HORRIBLE that they might live in a loving home.  

Answer 4

Aastral,

What would you want if you were a kid?

I believe it's natural for most children to want to grow up with the parents they were born to.  Everything should be done to make that happen if possible.  If a child cannot live with his or her parents then someone has to take care of the child. So to my way of thinking adoption is making the best of a crummy situation.

Some people only see the side of adoption that includes happy adoptive parents and their children.  A more complete picture would have to include the first parents who have lost their child, the part of the adoptee that feels that loss, and adoptive parents who are dealing (or should be dealing with rather than hiding from) the complications in their adopted child's life.

Some people will say that adoptive parents get all the benefits of adoption and that they don't see past that.  I agree that I wanted children and now I have them so that's a benefit.  Then again my children needed a home and now they have one so that's a benefit.  

It's not ONLY benefits for any of us.  I have a very complicated life as do my children. I don't get to have happy carefree children with loving hearts made just for me.  I have angry, hurt children who are wary of trusting anyone. It's not like once you bring a child into your home the adoption is done. Becoming a family is something I think we'll always be working at. The loss in their lives is something that will always affect them. Understanding my children's thoughts and feelings doesn't come naturally. We have to work on communication constantly.  

Maybe I should mention that I adopted older children. I don't know if it's different if you adopt infants.  

Answer 5

Um, I think you need to explore and do some research on the subject.  Look into Foster care and other ways you can help preserve a family.  I was the same as you as a kid as I naively believed all those children in Romanian orphanages were real orphans... imagine my horror when I heard many of them were actually stolen from their parents and sold into these said 'orphanages' to supply the demand!

There are many children who need families who are actually willing to care and nurture them regardless of their age and past.  If you are wanting to help a child, I suggest this is the path you take.  Adoption means severing a child from his/her past, heritage and life.  You wouldn't want to take a natural born right away from a child would you?  These are things people who are not adopted take fro granted as we have never had to question our families origins.  Please do a lot of research first and I hope you will look into permanent Foster care instead as then you can be a permanent part of a child's life without the child missing out on their family.  Best for the child.

Answer 6

Hi Astraal, So since you're not planning on adopting in the immediate future, definitely read up on it and get as many opinions as you can in the years to come.

I was adopted at birth. I was given up by a teenager that became unexpectedly pregnant and knew she wouldn't be able to give me the kind of life she wanted me to have. I was adopted and raised by great parents. Of course, we had our ups and downs, but doesn't every family?

There were times that I felt very resentful towards my biological mother and lashed out on my adoptive parents. I cried all day every birthday until I was 16 because instead of feeling like that was the day I was given life, I felt like, instead, it was the day I was given up by my own flesh and blood. It really freaked my adoptive parents out, and I didn't fully understand my feelings either. I was in and out of individual and group therapy from 13 to 18 years old. I think I would have benefited had I started therapy at a much younger age so that I could have met and related to other kids in the same kind of situation.

I met my biological parents when I was 16. After talking with them and understanding the reasons behind my adoption, I was able to let go of any anger I had and really appreciate the life I'd been given. It was a huge relief to know where I came from, who I looked like, and most important, how I came to be. I think a person absolutely has to know where they came from to really know themself.

I understand that adoption is a huge choice - both for the parents giving up their child, and for the parents adopting a child - but I do think it's a great thing, overall. Try to learn what you can about the child's biological family, because the child will have questions. Talk openly about the child's feelings and do your best to understand where they're coming from. Educate yourself about adoption and make sure you're fully aware of what you're getting into.

Don't pay attention to all these anti-adoption people!!

Answer 7

i'm a 39 yo adopted woman.  i despise adoption, although i adore my aparents.

adoption sucks.  being left by my mother sucked.  not being related to anyone sucked.  feeling like i didn't fit in sucked.  missing my mother sucked.  feeling like an alien sucked.

adoption sucks.

Answer 8

I think adoption is very good thing. It gives a loving home to child you didn't conceive!

Answer 9

Well what you have to remember when you are adopting is that you are inviting a person to join your family.  The child that you adopt could be from an abusive home or from a family who could not take care of the child. It could be hard but it is still a beautiful thing.

Answer 10

Just like everything else in life you will have people with different opinions.  I think personally adoption is a great option.  Sometimes people just can't biologically have children and sometimes they would just rather offer a good home to a child that doesn't have one.  I am all for it.  I like that if a teen does make a mistake and becomes pregnant that they have the options of giving their baby to a wonderful home instead of just facing either raising the baby or getting an abortion.  I also like that if children are abused or neglected that they may have a place to go and find a new loving family to protect them.  It is sad when i hear adopted children say they hate their adoptive parents and usually it is because they either didn't tell them about the adoption or they just didn't have a connection with them but that isn't always the case.  I have adopted family members and yes they did wonder about their biological parents and did eventually meet them but they are so grateful for having wonderful "real parents" that raised them, the mom and dads that actually did raise them they say are their real parents and the others are their mother and father or biological/ birth parents.  I know when i was younger I wanted to adopt too, just felt like a great thing to do.  Now I have my own children but I still think that some day in the future maybe in 5 or 10 years I may look into adoption again as an option because of so many children out there needing good homes.

Answer 11

I am almost 23 and will be adopting here really soon. I have been reading alot of books to help me learn everything i can to be a better adoptive parent. I just finished Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew  i found it very helpful!

Answer 12

I am strongly pro-adoption when it comes to children who are orphaned, abandoned, unwanted, or unable to be safe from abuse and neglect in their biological families. These children truly need homes, and I think it's incredibly important to get them into secure and stable situations. I very much support adoption from foster care for that reason.

I am opposed to adoption when the biological parents are coerced or pressured to place, or are not fully informed about the resources available to help them parent. I do not believe it is appropriate for children who would be safe and wanted in their home, even if it means they aren't rich in material things, to be placed for adoption into other homes.

I know that children are affected, often profoundly, but the loss of their biological families. They should be allowed to express anger, grief, or loss freely, and not have their emotions suppressed.

I support open records for adoptees, and I would actually prefer birth certificates not be altered at all.

Overall: Adoption should be to provide a home for a child in need of a permanent family, not to provide a child for a family who wants one. When that need really does exist, I think adoption is a positive thing.

Answer 13

Here's a thought;

Why don't you drop everything you have.  All your clothes, your stuff, your car, your friends, your family, ALL of it, and get on a plane, and fly somewhere halfway around the world.

Someplace where nobody speaks English, where you've never been and don't know the customs, the culture, the people or their way of life.

Now you can't bring anything with you, you can't ever contact your family or friends again (because if you were an adoptee, you wouldn't KNOW who they were) and you have to try to figure out EVERYTHING.  The language, acclimate yourself to the strange food, the smells, all of it.

Somebody will find you a home...a nice family will take you in, shower you with kisses and affection, does that bother you that complete strangers are hugging and kissing you and showering you with affection?  For some people it might seem weird, especially if they don't even understand the language that is being spoken.  But anyway.

Now you have a new family, a new life, in a faraway land, you can forget about your American way of life, you have a new one now.  An exciting new culture to learn!

Now imagine you are a small child, and this is happening to you.  Does it sound fun, or slightly terrifying?

I'd bet on door #2.

But yeah adoption is "beautiful" for the people getting a new kid, at least THEY aren't losing anything.

Answer 14

Well you have plenty of time to consider your options and make the best decision for you and your family.

I was adopted. It's just not a big deal. I was relinquished by a young birth mother and my parents did a wonderful job raising me. I was lucky to grow up with lots of friends who were adopted an for each and every one of us adoption was a non-issue.

But the truth is that people who were adopted and adjusted well are invisible in the adoption community. When you seek information you'll easily find out how to adopt and if you dig a bit you'll find the researchers who debunk the myths about adopted children (troubled, prone to drugs/alcohol, etc...) but you'll be inundated by stories from troubled people who have been touched by adoption.

The problem is not that their feelings or experience are invalid, though you may notice that some of them attribute problems to adoption that really have nothing at all to do with how their families were created. The problem is that they dominate adoption discussions because most adoptees would never think of participating.

I chose to form my family through adoption. That is what spurred me to start looking at adoption sites and discussions, otherwise I would be a part of the silent majority.

For us, adoption just made a lot more sense than having a baby. But we chose the method that worked best for our family. If foster adoption is for you, that is the way to create a home for a child with the greatest need. But if it is not, then use the program that matches you with a child who needs a family. We adopted internationally and it was the perfect program for us.  

Answer 15

My view is that adoption is a positive outcome to a negative situation.  

For whatever reason, their are children who need homes.  Adoption gives these children the love, security, and opportunity they might not have otherwise, i.e. the life all children deserve.  It is sad that they were placed in the situation to begin with, but adoption is often much better than the alternative (long term foster care, poverty, abuse, etc.)

There are problems with the adoption system (coercing of biological mothers, too much money in the system, a need for better screening of APs, etc.)  However, I believe the in the majority of cases, things work out for the better.  

Answer 16

I am an adoptive parent.

I have one firm belief about adoption.

Adoption should only be done when absolutely necessary.

My son would have been without RADs if he had been able to be raised by his mother. However, due to sad circumstances, his mother could not raise him because of her life-choices. To this day, I wish in my heart of hearts that she would have been able to clean up her life and get her kids back. Even if that meant I would never have known them. If my son could be whole again, I would sacrifice any joy I have ever know by parenting my beautiful kids.

Adoption may be necessary, but the core of it sucks because it is about loss.

Answer 17

I think adoption is great. I plan to adopt. I've always wanted kids but i dont want to bring kids into this world. with they way global warning is comming along. But those kids are already here on earth, so it give me a oportunity to give them a loving home and to be a mom.

Answer 18

I am partially anti-adoption, even though I am also well aware of the fact that there ARE children who are abused and/or neglected.

And the reason is: how can I have heard the pain in my mother's voice after two decades of grieving... and NOT be affected by the outcome of what adoption has done to her?

In other words, if I wholeheartedly support adoption for ANY circumstance, to me, that seems to say I should also be supporting those who have a hand in separating mother and child. That just doesn't sit well with me, because it's *not* right.

Answer 19

I'm 25, I want to adopt in the future as well. I think so many children need a home and I would love to be able to give at least one adopted child a loving home.  I would like to keep them involved with their country of origin if its an international adoption, either by learning some of the language or by taking trips and reading books. I don't plan on taking a child from another country and then never educating them on where they came from.  I think so many children are uncared for by their biological parents, we see it all over the news (ie right now with Casey/Caylee Anthony in Orlando FL) and many other cases...so adoption is wonderful if you can provide a stable loving home.

I wasn't adopted nor have I adopted yet but I still am with you on this, I also share that passion to someday be an adoptive mom.