What are your thoughts and/or advice?

Question

Well this will be the single most indulgent question ever!

Finally (yay!) on Monday we start our pre-placemnt visits and meet the children! We are very excited! Any thoughts, words of wisdom?

The children we are adopting are ages 4,5,6 and do not have any contact wtih anyone from their bio family. The children are excited to meet us and have their "forever family".

Answer 1

Congratulations!  Just take it slow and be patient through all of the adjustment.  Congratulations again!

eta:  marythemommy has good advice!

Answer 2

Yahooo!!!!!!!!!!!!! How lovely! I am so happy at the thought of the start of your voyage...good luck...I'm sure you know there'll be ups and downs...but everyone stands to benefit in the end! Have a star!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 3

I'm just happy for you.

Answer 4

just watch out when they grow up because they will go to school and then every one will be like hey my mommy which means their real mom....... and then she says um idk who my mom is and then every one will laugh at her! or him! i am sorry but i am just trying to give advice so good luck!

~dancer~

Answer 5

just remember they are individuals,  I was adopted, but when I didn't have the same values or goals in life I was shunned,  just give them lots of love and don't try to mold them into something they are not.

Answer 6

Congratulations!

My only words of wisdom is to try to take your cues from the children as to what they're ready for and when they're ready for it.  Those first few days are especially tough!  I remember wanting to hug and kiss them all the time, but unsure if they would be receptive to it.  As it turns out they were and just ate up the attention!  

Trust your instincts!

Answer 7

What an awesome time for you and your new family!  The only words of wisdom I can share is to remember to take things slowly and have patience with yourself.  A new child adds a whole new dynamic to a home - and you're getting three at once!  It's exciting and scary at the same time.  Trust your mom instincts and you will do fine!  

Congrats again!

Answer 8

I'm happy for all of you and hope you just get to enjoy some great visits together as you get to know each other.  

I'm sure there are other terrific AP's like Mom5grlz to give you more of the 'advice' side of things.

ETA:

Wow...now I KNOW there are some real jerks here.  Someone thumbed down a response for being happy about this.  Mom5grlz had already responded and I suggested that other great AP's like her would have some advice.  Since I've never adopted, I mainly could just offer happy thoughts, but no real advice on a first meeting with the children.

Answer 9

Wow--I remember meeting our siblings she was 5 yrs and he was 1 yr....  I think it would have been better had I not instantly had such a wide range of age.... 4 5 and 6.... Wow!

If I could offer any up front advice it is to keep a journal...Right out the gate... I always keep journals and was very happy I did when we met our children and started transition. Espicially for the 5 yr old... As time passed we could look over past notes and see some trends much more clearly then had we not kept some notes...

Keeping our journal has also been very important in documenting things...  It only takes one child to suffer from extreme issues to cause problems for everyone. We have been thankful at least 20 times that we kept records.

We have also been able to see the ways that were positive and notice what was working and what was not....  This has made it easier for us to work with our little girl, advocate for her needs and identify the actual issues rather then allow her to be taged with all sorts of Diagnosis along the way....

I say keep a journal--make notes about anything odd, unusual and positive. These kids are like little puzzels when we first meet them and keeping my journal has helped me see how different my little ones are--how they are unique and what their presonalities are like.....

Answer 10

So you’ve never even met these kids and you’re just adopting them?  Wow.

Do you have any other kids?  Three kids just like that.... wow.

Did them not having any contact with their bio family interest you?  If they’re 4, 5, & 6 don’t they have any pictures of their family?  I guess I just don’t know enough about the process.

I always think it’s great when healthy (mentally, spiritually & physically) parents adopt.  Bless you!

Answer 11

One statement of advice - it is ok to cry every day and feel the grief of the children you dreamed they would be when you feel the reality of the children you did adopt.  You might not understand this now, but later you will - trust me!

Answer 12

End each visit making plans for the next visit....writing it on the calendar together, figuring out what you're going to do together, etc.  Continuity must be a big issue for these kids.

Answer 13

I don't know how much info you've already received.  Having also adopted a sibling group my biggest recommendation is do not plan ANYTHING for the first 6 months.  No big parties, no visits from relatives, no vacations.  Give your family lots of time to get used to each other without all the stress.  We didn't do this and boy did we learn from our mistakes!

Second, get an attachment therapist now!  Start in therapy right away.  Read everything you can about attachment, visit websites and find a support group.  You'll need help from people who've been there done that.  I love adoption.com forums.  The special needs forum is fantastic.

Ask TONS of questions.  Know that while they may not mean to the caseworker will end up lying to you about what the children have been through.  Foster parents are a great resource for info.  Private message me and I can give you a great list of things to ask the foster parents - discipline, favorite foods, issues that may not have been discussed.

Mary

biomom to T(9) and K(11)

finalized 3/27/08 on C(almost 13)

hoping to finalize on her brother D(14) when he's ready

If "that which does not kill us makes us stronger..." just call me Superwoman!

Answer 14

I wish you the best.  Where have they been for the first 3, 4, and 5 years of their lives?  Did you mean that have no contact with their b-families NOW or NEVER?  I adopted from foster care.  My first  came as a foster child at age 2, and was adopted at age 5.  The second came at age 3 and was adopted at age 4.  My advice is to find out EVERYTHING you can about their b-family.  It may not seem important to you right now, but trust me.  It's important.  It's important for so many reasons you may not understand yet.  I do wish you the best.  It's an exciting time.  Also, keep in mind that it's a fragile time for them.  They do not want to be rejected.  They will try to keep from being rejected at all costs.  Which means they are living under a lot of pressure to be loveable.  Oh, there's so much more to it than I can say in one post.

Answer 15

We just adopted a beautiful four year old little girl so I know so well what you are feeling right now!  :-)  Bring some snacks with you along to the meeting (Cheerios, teddy grahams, whatever) as food is a great ice breaker in case everyone gets nervous or shy.  I also brought coloring books and stickers as that is a great way to work together on things, too.  

Good Luck to you!!  And CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!

Answer 16

Congrats!!

Listen to your heart and let your children guide you.  I am thrilled for you!

Answer 17

Thank you for adopting them!  

It's overwhelming for them.  Give them a bit of space and "alone" time together.  Don't try to do too much at first.  Be deliberately slow in everything you do.

Answer 18

Congratulations!!!!!

Welcome to the best time in your life.

Don't be surprised if you go home and cry a bit. It's will probably be an emotional visit for you.

Congratulations to the new Mommy and Daddy!

We have adopted closely spaced siblings also (ages 1,2,&3)

To some it can seem a bit overwelming at first. You will get use to it. Make sure you and your partner are on the same page and consistant. Him extra time to adjust to if he needs it.