What are your thoughts on American couples (singles) adopting non-American children?

Question

Is it because of the "red tape" here in the States? Is it because there are more "white" babies overseas? Is it a money thing?

I've noticed a trend of people adopting from other countries. They are almost proud of the fact that they are adopting a "foreigner" and give me a sense that either they are better people for it (bringing the baby to the wonderful States and away from his horrible country) or the baby is a better baby ("My baby is from Kansas." "Oh, well my baby is from China.").

Thoughts?

Answer 1

Yes, the 'saviour' complex is rife in the USA

Ick

Answer 2

It's because of the fuzzy domestic adoption rules here.  It is too hard for adoption to be "permanent".  There have been too many horror stories of birth moms changing their minds or birth dads coming out of the woodwork years later and suing to get custody back and winning.  

My cousin actually went through this with a family adoption that went awry a few years before they ended up going overseas to adopt a baby from China.  They expressed to me that they would never take the chance on that heartbreak again (domestic adoption) because of the rules that make it so open and so easily challenged years later.

It may be a status thing to some people, like they feel they are doing something very humanitarian or something.  And it's not cheap, so they would have made a huge investment to do it.  But I think for most it is the assurance that once they bring that baby home, it really will be theirs to keep.

Answer 3

well this might not be popular answer but here is how i feel

first adaopt the children int he states and when there are no more children living in orphanages in america then they should be allowed to adopt a child from another country--

i also feel that charity should go to out country----we have starving and homeless people--we have people without

health care----- why are the majority of charities for children overseas and not here in america?

Answer 4

A gold star for you--you're on to something.

It's guilt free adoption without the fear of 'open' adoption.  Many APs in such arrangements descibe it as adoption without  the 'baby mama drama'.  And you get to think of your self as a hero in the process...

Of course, when people take children from poor, often corrupt Third World countries (that do not regulate adoption), they CREATE  the 'demand' you, MrMyers,  were talking about in your last question.  

There have been 'baby farms' found in Guatemala.  Young girls from poor families are 'rented' out, and sperminated by the man who runs the farm, they gestate for 9 mos., and the 'product' is then sold to salivating Americans patting themselves on the back for 'saving' a child.  Adopters are often told the child was 'abandoned'.  As you know 'supply' ALWAYS rises to meet 'demand'.  Read more about that and other unsavory international adoption practices on a blog written by two APs who have experienced IA first hand:

http://www.fleasbiting.blogspot.com/

Many adult adoptees who have lived through IA, are actually quite vocal about their adoption experiences.  Some feel that these adoptees are not as 'grateful' as they should be.  A critically acclaimed  collection of essays about their experiences:

http://www.amazon.com/Outsiders-Within-W...

UNICEF, the international children's charity's position statement on IA:

http://www.unicef.org/media/media_41918....

Answer 5

There is no one answer to this, however, I think that making blanket statements, and judging people for how they choose to build their families is not exactly helpful.

If you believe there are so many children, here in the US, who need homes, what are YOU doing about it?  It is really nice to sit and point fingers at people when you are doing nothing to help the problem yourself.

Adoption should be about finding homes for children, not about finding children for parents.  Most of the children up for adoption in the US have it much better then the children who are in orphanages around the world.  I am not saying that it is right to adopt outside of the country, but I am also not saying it is wrong.

A couple should be able to make this decision without having to explain themselves.  People who get pregnant (usually) don't have to answer so many prying questions as to the hows and whys they got pregnant.  You know?

Adoption, if done for the right reasons and as ethically as possible, is a good thing.  It is none of your business WHY people choose to adopt from one country or the next.

ETA: I wasn't telling you that you were judging people, more like the people who are answering this question.

Answer 6

Sean - What's up man?  I am LIVID at the fact that you would have the gall to state that kids in the States should be adopted first. First of all not just Americans adopt children so that statement was quite ignorant in the fact that other countries may not want to adopt from the USA & who is to state that the USA children in orphanages are more important?

I for one was adopted from outside of the US & I'll be dam*ed if you or anybody else tells me that another child just because they're born in the US has more of a right than I do to be adopted.    I could understand if you try to make that claim if you're a US citizen & think about how the government should do more to better the lives of middle class america & 'poverty stricken' before we try to 'save the world'.  It can be very hard, depending on which country you adopt from as well as many have different laws & requirements & will do what they can to suck all the money they can.

No, I'm not a fan for the glorified adoption by Angelina Jolie or Madonna.  For those sort of people you may look at it as a trend but this has been going on for years. Adoption should not be classified as the in thing to do but as the right thing to do IF the people who are adopting have their hearts in the right place.  

Both of my brothers had cleft palets & I was almost 5 so where I know my parents adopted to fill a void in their hearts, to have children they did it for the right reasons...it took me a long time to realize that.  They picked children that had lil hope because most likely other people out there would adopt the 'perfect' looking babies.  

Adoption can be hard & tramatic for the adoptee but if done with the right intentions of providing a loving family for a child it doesn't matter where you adopt from.

Answer 7

I've never adopted, but I love all babies. It doesn't matter where they come from. I tend to believe it is easier to adopt from abroad. Other wise people would adopt here first.

Answer 8

I think couples choose foreign over domestic for many reasons but they are all very personal.  Yes, I'm sure you have a few couples out there who are merely doing it for the "oooh, something different" factor & because they are inspred by people like Angelina Jolie.  But many others choose foreign because their worst fear is having the birth mother come back & either demand her baby back or intrude upon their lives at a later date.  When you go foreign, there is much, much less chance of that happening in my opinion.  Many on here may be too young to remember the trial that happened in the 80's.  A couple adopted a boy (sorry can't remember his name).  They loved him, cared for him, etc for 5 years.  These 2 people were the only parents the child had ever known & was very connected to them.  Suddenly, the birth father popped into the picture.  Evidently there had been a mixup where he hadn't signed away his parental rights & was now demanding to have custody of the child.  It was horrible.  The adoptive parents went through h**l, trials, emotional turmoil.  The child also.  The judge gave the child back to the bfather in a stunning decision.  I will never forget the face of that child crying his lungs out for his aparents.  I can't imagine how traumatic that was for him.  I just kept thinking "how is this in the best interest of the CHILD?"  

Well, many people saw that huge trial & many aparents don't want to go through that horror.  I can't imagine loving a child every day, feeding him, putting band aids on his cuts, making sure he eats right, being worried about him.....only to be told by a judge years later that DNA matters more than any of that.  

So, personally I don't judge people who choose foreign over domestic because if they can prevent in ANY way that kind of heartache, then so be it.

Answer 9

For some people it's a status symbol, for some it's a security issue, for some it's a moral issue.  For some, it's just wanting to be a parent and finding the quickest and easiest route to parenthood.  

The reasons for international adoption are about as wide and varied as there are countries that people are adopting from.

Answer 10

I have NEVER heard/seen any AP who adopted from overseas act or talk like that.

As someone who is adopting internationally, I find those comments incredibly offensive.

I am not adopting internationally because of money either, I AM adopting internationally because I don't like the domestic adoption industry here in the US and wanted to adopt an orphan (child who is abandoned or no longer has living parents).

In my research on adoption I decided not to discount childrend because they are deemed "geographically undesirable" by others, I felt every child deserved the equal consideration for adoption and weighed all options before making a decision.

ETA:  contrary to some opinions on here, as a PAP I don't have any guilt about adoption nor do I consider myself a hero.

I also don't feel I need to defend my decision to adopt a child, just because a few APs/PAPs didn't do THEIR research before adopting.

Also contrary to some opinions, China's program is slowing down, and has been for the last 2 years.  Wait times are around 3 years right now.

ETA:  Well I'm not Madonna trying to adopt from a country that doesn't allow adoption, I am adopting from China -- a country whose children are abandoned, most of whom will grow up in an orphanage with very little to eat/drink, virtually no healthcare and absolutely no education.  The only alternative for these children at 14 when they are turned out on the street is crime and prostitution.

Aren't those children just as deserving of a home and family to call their own?  I think so.

Answer 11

I think that it shouldn't matter where you are adopted from. As long as the child is getting a second chance at a great life, then their nationality shouldn't matter.

People who adopt from foreign countries, I think, are proud because, yes, they did save a child from a life of misery. I mean, look at the "Save the Children" commercials. It sort of like.. "Hey.. instead of just sending them 30 cents a day, I'm actually going to raise them and give them opportunities they would never have over there."  Then there's also the fact that China is greatly over-populated. It is an accomplishment to them that they are saving a little girl from human trade, or even death.

My views on it is that if you want or have to adopt, it shouldn't matter where the child comes from as long as you are giving it a better life, but when they are from a place so different than America, the parents have an even larger sense that they saved a child's life.

I think adoption is a beautiful thing.

-Britt

Answer 12

Well I think it is nice to do something like that, but to advertise it and to show it off simply means that they just wanted to do it for the attention. But I also think that with all the children here that are parentless, and homeless, we aught to be taking care of them before taking care of ones from other countries.

Answer 13

i think its just wonderful that people are trying to save someone.  my moms friend adopted a girl from russia.  she was about 7 at the time.  she had a cleft palet that her parents couldnt afford to fix and gave her up.  she had such a horrible life before my mom's friend got her that she refuses to talk about and she refused to answer to her russian.  you should have seen how happy she was the first time she got to eat peanut butter!!

for this friend, it was just about adopting a child.  she didnt care where it came from.  and if you ask the girl, she's not russian, she's american.  she never wants to be thought of as russian again.

Answer 14

This is a good question.  I've wondered the same thing and I live in the U.S.  I have had three children, naturally, but if I couldn't have them, there are plenty of children here waiting to be adopted.  There is a lot of red tape, so maybe that's part of it.  Most people want babies and the majority of children here waiting to be adopted aren't babies any more, so that's probably part of it, too.  Babies are hard to come by unless they are physically or mentally challenged.

Then, there's Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie setting their "stellar" example.  Don't get me started.

In any event, every child needs to be loved and wanted.  The way I reconcile it for myself is by telling myself it's the WORLD'S children which are being adopted.  Still, I wish there were more people willing to adopt the older children here.  My husband and I have been considering doing that when our last one (aged 13) has grown up.  That way we can concentrate on helping the adopted child(ren) feel how much love we have to give.

Answer 15

I think it is sad that it is easier to adopt foreign babies than it is to adopt our own.  

I know from when I was looking into adopting that it is cheaper, the wait times are less, you dont have to make as much money, etc etc so you definitely dont have as much red tape if you adopt from another country.

Answer 16

honestly i think it depends on th ecouple what they want i mean  obvisouly the child will relaize that theyre of different race so it just depends how the parents plan on dealing with the issue when it comes about! Shelby

Answer 17

I've noticed this as well. And to be honest it bothers me a lot. I don't understand why American's aren't adopting within the US. There are so many American children that need homes - why can't we focus on OUR needs first?

I have heard that it is very difficult to adopt within the US so families go to other countries, where it is easier. So who knows why this happening - all I know is that it is infuriating!!

Good question!

Answer 18

by R Member since:

February 15, 2006

Total points:

14035 (Level 6) There are many many reasons. My pedatrician is adopting from another country Lebenon (sp) because she and her husbands families are from there. They have cvil war going on and they feel that a child there really needs a home . Here (US) even though foster care is not perfect they have a better chance than a kid that is living with bombs going all around them. They also feel that they know the heritage and can pass that down.

Others want babies and it is easier and cheaper to come across a baby. Many people try for years to have a child before adopting and they don't want to "miss" a stage of development by adopting a 5 year old. They want the sleepless nights and to potty trian.

Others feel similar to my first answer that even though kids in care in the states have it hard it is not as hard as the famine and dieseas of other countries like Africa.

Also it is quicker to get a child over seas. I know someone that started the international adoption and local adoption process at the same time.  She was told locally that is can be three years or more to get a child not even a baby.  Internationally they told her she would have a child by the end of the year and it was summer time and she did  

Finally and this has to be the worst reason of them all is they don't want to deal with the birth parents

Answer 19

Well, I think that's a two-fold answer. Part of the pride of adopting an overseas baby is because the orphanages over there are HORRIBLE in comparison to the US. Most of those baby's never get adopted and grow up in the orphanage.  And yes, many adopt overseas because of the red tape in the US. It cost more to adopt from overseas, but the wait is sigificantly shorter than in the US. I think someone recently told me you can adopt a foreign baby in about a year as opposed to the US where it can take many years.

Answer 20

I don't think one child is better than another, but I could never understand why someone would adopt out the the USA when there are so many children here that need loving homes.

Answer 21

Parents have been doing that for the past 20 years. The trend started that in a couple of countries that were having wars,

then they started adopting from Russia (the Russian doctors were claiming they had a hole in their heart and needed American hospitals so the adoptive parents didn't have problems), then another country was 'the country' to adopt from and now it is mostly China.

Planned parenthood and abortion agencies here for some reason have pregnant women here believing there are no families willijng to adopt so they can encourage them to get an abortion. Also most families don't older American kids because they usually have ADHD and various social problems the family doesn't want to deal with.

Also mentioned above the stuff you go through with American adoption is unbelievable.

Answer 22

I'm South Korean and was adopted when I was six months old to an American couple. My parents were unable to have their own children and thought korean people were beautiful so they chose to adopt from there. It has nothing to do w/ money, it's the parents choice where and who they adopt. And yes in some cases, by adopting them they are helping the baby.

Answer 23

Dunno but adopting a baby is a wonderful thing to do no matter where the baby is from.... as long as they are giving a baby a chance of a good life then who cares where its from? so many babies needing help.. its great these people are adopting babies wish I could if i had a bigger house and more money i would too.

Answer 24

People are kind to adopt children from other countrys so they can have a better life. Some of the kids are starving in other counterys and they know it!

If you want to adopt i suggest from china, there are thousands of unwanted abondoned little girls that need a home!

some  people are just kind like that. that is your answer. =)

Answer 25

I think people have the right to make choices for their lives.  As long as a person makes a decision that they believe is moral and ethical and fully informed, than I really don't think they should be judged.  I think it is wrong to make assumptions on why people adopt and what their motivations are.  Every person is different.