What are your thoughts on backing out of a wedding?

Question

I just backed out of being the best man in my friends wedding. I had asked him to be my daughter's godfather but when I told him the date of the baptism, he said he couldn't be there because he is stressed about the upcoming wedding and that he wasn't going to drive that far because of the price of gas. He lives about 3 hours away. I was also planning his bachelor party this weekend where I was going to drive well over 400 miles round trip. I never once even thought about not taking him because of the price. So I told him that I was going to look for a new godfather and he needed to look for a new best man.

I don't feel like I did anything wrong by dropping out? What do you think?

Answer 1

Friendship goes both ways. When one person makes more of an effort then the other you get a lot of hurt feelings and resentment.

When my best friend asked me to be the godmother to her daughter I was absolutely thrilled. If she would have asked me to drive 300 miles for the baptism I would have found a way up there no matter what price the gas was.

Personally, I think that you did the right thing for the both of you. You don't want to stand up next to someone you have bad feelings towards...and I'm sure that he doesn't want that either.

I'm sorry things worked out that way for you. All I know is that being asked to be a godmother was one of my happiest moments - it's to bad that he didn't cherish that opportunity more.  

Answer 2

Keep in mind you are asking a whole bunch of high strung girls! I personally dont think you did anything wrong. He basically gave you your reasons not to be his BM, gas prices and busy schedule. Same can be said for you, right? gas is only going to go up and you have a baby to take care of.

dont sweat it!

Answer 3

I completely understand your predicament. If he doesn't want to play an important role in your life, why should you do the same? Remember though, being a godfather has more long term responsibilities than being a best man, and maybe he doesn't feel he would be the most appropriate choice. And consider, with the wedding he probably has little money, so maybe you could offer him assistance with gas money. If he doesn't feel appropriate being the godfather or lacks money, you need to be more considerate to your friend and respect him. If your friend was overly offensive to you when declining and isn't willing to hear you out at least about how your day is special and important as well, then maybe you do need to remove yourself from his wedding.

Answer 4

It looks like you already have tons of advice/opinions but I'll just throw my two cents in anyway....   It seems strange that the two of you are close enough to have in each others important life events but not to actually be there for each other.  Anyway, regardless - I am assuming the wedding is approaching soon (meaning, within the next 3 months)since the bachelor party was going to be this weekend?  If that is the case, it would have been better for you not to back out as best man at this point; but that doesn't mean that you still need to give a bachelor party or do any more than the best man duty on the day of his wedding.  At least that wayyou could still stand as being the "better man" and not have regrets later down the road....however, I would say to definitely say that he sounds more like a casual friend/acquaintance and should be treated as such in the future.  

Now, was it wrong of you to do - probably not wrong; but it somewhat puts yourself in the same category as him (which he sounds very self absorbed and selfish).

However; If the wedding is more than 3 months away - then I'd say s***w it and cut the ties now.

Answer 5

Maybe you have more money than he does. It was insensitive of you to not consider his monetary situation with the wedding and all but if you know that financially he could have done it, then it sounds like he's just being lazy. But what is done is done. You can also probably kiss the friendship goodbye since that is generally what happens when someone is kicked out or drops out of the wedding party.

Answer 6

Soime friends are always giving and some are  alway taking and if your friend is the type of person who is always taking and not giving then you should not feel bad and you should also rethink your friendship with this person but  if this person is a good friend and he is usually a person who would go out his way for people then maybe he is really stressed out about the wedding and perhaps alot of it has to do with finance.  If he  is paying for the wedding then maybe he does not have a lot of extra money for anything.  You also don't know what kind of pressure his fiance is giving  him too. But friendhsip and sacrafice work both way here and he should be willing to be there for something that is important for you since you were going to be there for something that was important for him.

Answer 7

its not the most respectful way of handling it but I dont blame you after what he said!

Answer 8

i honestly think you are being spiteful... just because he can't be your childs godfather doesn't mean you should back out of being a best man. you already said yes to him!

plus getting married will cause alot more stress then a litlte baptism!

haha a tumbs down- ya for me!!

Answer 9

Sounds like you are not only dropping out of the wedding, but also out of the friendship.  If that doesn't matter, then no, you shouldn't feel bad.

Answer 10

It seems to me that u both were very good friends at one time, for him to ask u as his best man is an honor.  It says alot about a friendship when u stand up for a person at their wedding.  So u could look at it at his point of view, he was probably crushed.  Wouldn't u take it personal too!  Also, right now his finances r tied up to his wedding and maybe couldn't afford to spend another dime and was being honest and possibly held a little grudge.  But I believe u blew it out of paportion and threw ur friendship away because he couldn't be ur childs godfather because of his circumstances and ur bad timing also.  Take some blame for ur actions and if u still care for this person as a friend than u need to apologize for ur wrong doing.

Answer 11

Why on earth would you even consider asking someone who would think about the price of gas when weighing whether or not to be a child's Godfather?  I mean, come on, certainly no one who took the job seriously would worry about the price of gas?  That is hardly a God-fearing man who would spend the next 18 years of his life watching out for your daughter's spiritual life.

Answer 12

my first reaction is that there are some other issues going on you didn't include. does he flake out on you a lot?

i wouldn't say your action was either "right or wrong" but just that you should be prepared to not have him as a friend anymore. a close friend would have said "hey man i am doing this that and the other for you... why aren't you??"

Answer 13

His reaction to you asking him to be your daughter's godfather is crappy but what you did to him is just as crappy. I know it sounds tacky but 2 wrongs do not make a right.

You should have been the bigger man here.

Answer 14

yes i think you did something wrong, he asked you to be his best man, he might even stop being your friend, if he thinks that you wont do him this small of a favour. but what he did was wrong too!

Answer 15

do what Jesus would do  

Answer 16

don't you think you're being a little dramatic? do you know the cost of a wedding? they're pretty expensive, and since it's coming up soon, they may be pinching pennies. maybe you should have talked it out before you made such a huge accusation such as it being the price of gas. there's probably a lot more to the story.  

Answer 17

I think it's petty of both of you.

He's wrong because he's letting gas decide how important his godchild is. You're wrong for adding more stress to his situation. (he's more wrong imo)

Answer 18

I think that your friend did you wrong.  However, two wrongs don't make a right.  Is this worth your friendship?  Only you can answer that.  

Good Luck

Answer 19

You did the right thing!! He sounds too selfish to be a good friend anyways!!

Answer 20

Maybe you could have waited a couple days after he told you he couldnt do it and asked him again, he might have cooled off by then. And if he's helping you pay to go to his wedding maybe you could help with the gas.