What are your thoughts on my poem?

Question

The words of the weary begin with a theory

Through the fires of pain and love

And you'll always remember this moment so tender

A feeling you wish you could touch

By the blind man's retreat you'll need something to eat

And something to sink your teeth in

And you wish you could beat, just by walking the street

All the pain that this life puts you in

So I'll leave with this note and by this you can quote

Every word that I've said and I've written

For the dust and despair that you catch in your hair

Is worth nought for the hearts that you've smitten

What do you think? What title would you give this poem?

Kind regards,

happy_profile

.xoxo.

Answer 1

it kinda doesnt make sense.

sounds like you're trying to make it rhyme more than make sense.

'blind man's retreat you'll need something to eat'???

'begin with a theory' - where do you mention the theory?!

it sounds pretty though.

Answer 2

umm..... you do know that the best poems are the ones that don't always rhyme rite????? just dont try so hard!!!!!!

Answer 3

nice

Answer 4

well... try and try until you succeed..practice more in creating more poems until you can create the best poem in the world

Answer 5

Your trying to hard,also lose the and's it kills the rhythm.Constructive criticism.