What are your thoughts on open adoptions?

Question

What are your thoughts on open adoptions?

Answer 1

G'day. I adopted my wife's 3 kids 3 years into the marriage... their natural farther sent the papers! Now the are grown up and we have a very close relationship. Make sure your little girl understands what is going on. Don't vilify the natural father, even if he is an ********, as she will question it and be told lies when shes older that she will wnt to believe. Alwas be truthful an up front. It works.

Best of luck.

Answer 2

I really don't know.  I dislike the fact that in many states any agreement is unenforceable so that the adoptive parents may close it and not have to let me know.  I don't like that fact that I am deemed a bad person by many because I chose not to be a stranger to her.

I am not invovled in the day to day raising of my daughter, she is being raised by her parents.  It is not coparenting as I read from De's response.   I was one to carry her and give birth to her so I can call her my daughter, even if she is being raised by her parents.

I get pictures and letters and we meet up a few times a year.  I will not be a stranger to her.  I am here to answer her questions.  As hard and honest as they will be, I will answer her questions as it is her right to ask them.  Her parents will not know the reasons on why I chose to place her.  That is for me to tell her.

Answer 3

While "open adoption" sounds positive, and it's certainly always better than any closed adoption, there are still some concerns. For starters, the phrase is often used to lure vulnerable, expectant mothers into relinquishing their infants with false promises of contact with their child over the years through letters, photos, or visits.

A real concern is that once the adopters get the baby, any "open adoption" agreement is totally unenforceable & can be changed to a closed adoption at any time by the adopters & for any reason they want. There is nothing the natural mother or adoptee can do about that. Nothing can compare to the heartbreak of losing a child to adoption. Most would never have consented to any adoption at all if they had known it was going to be turned into a closed one. This also represents an enormous loss to the adoptee on many levels.

Due to the vested interest that adoption agencies and adoption lawyers have, they will not be totally honest about adoption with the expectant mother. They will tell her anything to get her baby because they pocket disgraceful amounts of money off of each and every baby placed! Desperate, infertile couples will agree to almost anything in order to get their hands on a baby, regardless of their intention to honor any such promises. There is a huge demand for healthy, white newborns. It should come as no surprise that new tactics have been devised to try to persuade mothers to part with their babies. Women with unplanned pregnancies really need information from sources other than agencies! They also need to know the truths about adoption & the long-term effects on both themselves and most of all, their future child. Research should be done before any decision is made. If open adoption is truly freely agreed upon between both sets of parents, then it must be legally binding and enforceable.

In a perfect world, there would be no need for adoption of any kind in the first place. Instead, resources could be directed towards helping to keep families together whenever possible, not separating them. Until that day comes, removing the secrecy and lies surrounding adoption is a good start.  Lest we forget, adoption is not meant to be about what's best for the adopters, nor should it be about making businesses profits. It's supposed to be what's best for the child!

See Links below for more open adoption information.  Hope that helps.

julie

Answer 4

I think pictures and letters should be exchanged through a 3rd party, so the birth parents know the baby is okay but are not involved in the day to day parenting duties

Answer 5

It depends on what is a epen adoption

I know people who had an "open" adoption, they knew who the parents were, and the parents sent them pictures of the child

I know someone who had an "open" adoption, and they had contact with the child on it's birthday.  She just went by the first name

It is up to the two party.   What they see as an open adoption.  They need to agree on the terms before hand.

I think the child should only have one set of parents.

What agreements, need to except that

Answer 6

They can be healthy for the child, but difficult for the adults involved.  The birthmother needs to be able to handle the adoption maturely and recognize that she is not the parent of the precious child, just a close and special friend.

Answer 7

this is a tricky one, but i'm against it.

it's so hard on the adoptive parents.  they are putting everything out there for a child that they really want to raise as their own, and a lot of other people want "in" on it.  i truly believe it's harder and more confusing to the child as well.

Answer 8

Hello. I am a birth mother and I just gave my baby girl up for adoption a month ago. I chose an open adoption with the adoptive parents. I went through a Christian adoption agency. They give me updates on how she is doing and send me pictures. The adoptive parents are going to make a life story of  my baby. I'm currently making a scrapbook for her so that she will know who I am. They plan on telling her right from the get go that she was adopted and they want her to know who I am. I get to visit her three times a year until she is 3 and then once a year after that. Open adoption can be very open or just a little. It really depends on the individual and also the adoptive parents. I had an instant connection with the adoptive parents and we are really enjoying getting to know each other. It was hard to give up my little girl, but I know that it's not goodbye forever. I know that I can't parent her, but I have the peace in my heart knowing that she is ok. Open adoption is not as scary as it seems. My nurse when I was in the hospital was also a birth mom who also had an open adoption. It's not right for everyone and it really depends on the individual.

Answer 9

I don't agree with it at all.

Answer 10

It really is dependent on the family and the situation.  Originally, when we considered adoption, I was against having an open adoption.  However, when we met our son's bio-grandparents (who had custody of him), we knew that we needed to keep them in his life.  It has been a wonderful experience for all of us.  We have a truly unique situation in which the bio-parents are not involved with our son at all (nor are they involved with the bio-grandparents), however, we see our son's bio-grandparents at least once a month and speak once a week on the phone.  They are truly his grandparents in every sense of the word and it has been quite healthy for our family, especially since our son has a genetic disorder and it is helpful to have their input in certain medical situations.

We have been blessed with our open adoption, but all situations and families are different.

Answer 11

i think they're awesome.i mean sometimes the mother doesn't want to give up her child, but has to for some reason or another, an open adoption is a way for her to watch her child grow up. even if she doesn't have custody. a piece of paper doesn't mean the mother ever forgets her baby

Answer 12

I am not sure I could have handeled an open adoption, giving my child up was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I tried for years to push her out of my mind, to pretend she never existed, but I found her in 2001 and it was the greatest feeling, the hole in my heart was closed.

Answer 13

I am a BirthMother I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and chose to place her for adoption. It was a open adoption, I chose the Other Parents. We have shared Pictures and stories I get to talk to my Daughter on her birthday every year. I dont think I could have signed the papers placing her with them if I had not had the relationship I have with them.

Answer 14

It's awesome when both parties are committed to it. Especially for the child.

Answer 15

well lets see since i am an adoptee i do think open adoptions are for such things as what goes on in the court and stuff should all be given to the adtopee when she/he is 21. that way its opened. i think that the health of each person should be given just before the person being adotped should be send to the health department for the kid so they know this and if htey want to seek the parents and parents want to see the kid and stuff it shoudl be addressed in the records as part of it. but i knw for a fact that just because they give you life is no reason to worry about being called mom cause i doubt they (real parents) will ever be called that cause you neer knew them as that and the parents that wee there are the ones to be called parents. take care.