What are your thoughts on this poem. Any suggestions on improving it?

Question

Come on, lets run from this over-rated town. For none of them in that desolated town believe in miracles. For none of them have hope for love. We don't need any of them, all we need is eachother. Our shadows are our only evidence of our escape, and they'll only last as long as the excistence we had there. Take my hand, and don't let go. Don't look back, that was our past, and our future is straight ahead. Our breathe lies thin, yet our love will stay strong. Our dreams are contained within the stars, for the highest reached ones are where we belong. Follow the stars, and we'll be home in no time

Answer 1

i think it is great you have a wonderful way with words it was absolutely beautiful

plz read my poem tell me what you think     http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?...

Answer 2

That's really good! The only thing that I would change is the use of town in to first 2 sentences. I would try using a different word (maybe city) instead of using town twice in a row.

=]

Answer 3

BORING!

Answer 4

wow,i loved it!

It's so romantic!

And i love ur choice of words like "Our breath lies thin,yet our love stays strong."

Good job,keep it up!

I'd like to read more from u!=]

Answer 5

^^ its not boring! i love it! i think its great, and perfect it doesnt need anything else!

Answer 6

i like it. i dont think you can improve it much cuz i like how you use words. i like this part the best;

Our breathe lies thin, yet our love will stay strong. Our dreams are contained within the stars, for the highest reached ones are where we belong.

its a great poem, but if you seperate paragraphs it will be better cuz now it looks like just a piece of text and not a poem.

Answer 7

I liked it, it's very optimistic and realistic, showing your belief in a brighter future. It's really dreamy. Keep writing :)

Answer 8

It's too rigid, too essay-like. change a few words (doesn't need to rhyme), some parts need a lil re-phrasing, but it's looking good!