Question:

What are your thoughts on this poem?

by  |  earlier

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I wrote it last night, after getting 'beyond breathtaking' in my head, But I had a hard time of it. I like the first two stanzas, but I'm not sure of the rest. Your thoughts and suggestions are always welcome, thanks.

She stood and shared

With the world, her soul.

She let the winds embrace her,

As a departing sister.

Beyond breathtaking.

The cobalt sky swallowed

The sun, and blushed.

She studied the chagrin

Of the painted sky.

Overwhelming beauty.

She looked away,

Blinded by such beauty.

She sought comfort in her city lights,

The sickening glow of electric sin.

Perverse ignorance.

And even now she yearns.

To be blinded again.

She hungers for desolation

Among painted skies

And embracing winds.

Desperate need.

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2 ANSWERS


  1. i genuinely like it, i suggest getting rid of some of the "she"'s here and there. the sickening glow or sin is my favorite line..good job(:


  2. It is nice imagery and I enjoyed reading it. You have talent, keep at it; maybe one day you will be famous.

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