What behaviours do you consider to be abusive in a relationship?

Question

Please include anything at all that comes to mind, including specific examples. Thank you.

Answer 1

Forcing the woman into public displays of nudity or almost nude.

Answer 2

*hitting, pushing

*publicly embarrass and put down in front of friends and/or family

*intentionally make sexist/demeaning comments

*after working 10 or 12 hour shift, expecting dinner on the table and being the maid

*name calling

*doing things knowing the partner will be upset

*badmouthing and gossiping about partner to friends and/or family

*withholding money or want your paycheck-giving you an allowance

*threatening to leave or kick you out

*make comments about an attractive person ie: She is hot, in front of you or to you

*associates with people who don't respect relationships, have sexist views

*driving like a maniac to scare you,

*excessive violent computer/video games and p**n

*always blaming or saying "Its your fault"

*accuses you of being "needy" because you want to be with friends, but most stopped coming around because of abusive partner

Answer 3

Any type of feministic behaviors are detrimental to a relationship, e.g. whining, not shaving legs, not washing arm pits, and bullying ones partner... All of those are a form of abuse!

Answer 4

All abuse stems from dependancy. The dependant person will be abused because the other party resents the dependancy. Co-dependants will be co-abusive. Forms of relationship dependancy are (in no particular order):

1. Sexual

2. Financial

3. Emotional

Answer 5

Trying to isolate a person from their friends or other support system.  That is always the first step before abuse can happen, and the self-esteem of the person is lowered to a point that they think they deserve the abuse.  Without an outside source to objectively weigh demeaning comments, and help to rebuild self-esteem, the abuser can completely destroy the victim, body and soul.

Answer 6

Beating, hitting, threats, verbal abuse meant to wound feelings...not sharing resources...

Answer 7

Behaving badly and blaming your partner for your behaviour. ("Of course I get drunk a lot! It's because you drive me crazy.")

Accusing your partner of being unfaithful without any rational basis and demanding they go to ridiculous lengths to prove the accusations unfounded.   Eg. giving up all their privacy and not going out with their friends, and not dressing in a manner that might be attractive to the opposite s*x.

Purposefully trying to make your partner totally dependant on you, by destroying their relationships with their friends and family, controlling all the money, and/or preventing them from obtaining an education or gainful employment that would allow them to become independent.

Keeping someone on eggshells all the time by being highly inconsistent about what pleases you and what does not, so your partner will never know whether they'll be thanked or yelled at for a given action.  The partner then feels stupid or crazy, because they can't figure out how to predict what you want from them.   They doubt themselves, and you get to be the center of attention.

Answer 8

My ex-wife isolated me from my friends (she didn't like them) and from my family.  She was verbally a bully, was a control freak, chronic liar and paranoid.  Btw it's still socially taboo for men to talk about this.

Answer 9

I'm with Eohan.....when one person tries to control another it invariable becomes abusive.

Answer 10

Any behaviour that by action or intent serves to intimidate, control, manipulate, hurt or undermind someone.

violence, threats of violence

use of offensive language

breaching agreements or ground rules

unwanted sexual attention, advances or actions

any form of harrassment

racism, sexism, any other form of identity discrimination

threats to remove things, or do harm

attemps to attain the person's sense of self-esteem or self-dignity

retaliation or vengeance against any form of abuse

attempts to isolate the person

dismissing a person's needs, thoughts, requests

placing unrealistic expectations or demands upon the person

refusal to participate in maintenance duties

refusal to take responsibility for one's action

blame, victim-blame and victimization

excessive nagging, sarcasm or repeated unwanted behaviours

refusal to participate in the division of labour (paid and unpair)

refusal to participate in child-rearing

use of authoritarian language

taking advantage of someone's vulnerability

refusing to respecting the person's boundaries

engaging in a power struggle

Answer 11

I don't think there are any absolutes - it has to be judged according to each relationship dynamic and the people involved in it.

As a very general rule, I would say any behaviour done out of anger or spite.