What can I do? 8 yr. old beats on me.?

Question

Every time I tell my 8 yr. old to do something, he tells me no and then completely goes off and starts hitting and kicking me. I take his tv & game systems from him and also ground him. And I do not give in to him. I need some advice, quick.

Please if someone has gone through this how did you take care of the problem?

Answer 1

Your kid is beating up on you because you haven't shown him who's boss.  Next time he starts beating up and you, just smack him right across the face, that should teach him not to **** with you.

Answer 2

have you tried counseling? that should be your first step

after reading your additional details it sounds as though your son is picking up behavior he has witnessed both you and your x display. your x hit you and you have spanked your son. he understands hitting happens when you are angry so when he gets angry he just does what he has learned. he needs to get back into counseling asap. try a different one it may take several before you find the right one but he still needs counseling. eventually it will help.

Answer 3

whatever you do, don't put him in karate lessons.

Answer 4

My niece tried this a few times with my sister.  Since you are bigger and stronger than he is, just hold him down (sit on him if you have to).  He will fight it and cry and scream, but it will work.  Each time he tries to "go off" pin him down and explain that it is unacceptable.

Answer 5

DO NOT SPANK HIM, please!! That is just fine for kids who are doing bad little kid things, but this kid has way deeper issues. People, listen, the message here is DON'T HIT - she is supposed to teach her 8-year-old this lesson by HITTING him??

He is obviously stressed out, and witnessing abuse is a likely cause. I agree that when he does it there have to be consistent consequences, like not being allowed to play his games, or watch tv, or whatever it is you choose. Same crime, same punishment, every time. But you also need to work on the root of the issue. I would guess that he is confused about his feelings for you, because he loves you but maybe doesn't completely trust you, or resents you for things that may have happened with his father? I don't know your family so it is hard to really say, but I'd continue counseling, and I'd go with him, if I were you. Talk to him about all the events that have happened in his life, and ask how he feels. Make sure he knows you love him and that you can and will protect and take care of him. I am sure you show him love, but I would say just make sure you are really talking to him about why he hurts you and why it's not ok. This is a tough one though, and you will probably need outside help to really tackle it effectively.

Answer 6

I agree with those who say "Spank him".  The reason is that by giving him a taste of what he's doing, he will understand.

:)

Answer 7

I say  whoop him. There should be no reason why your child thinks he can tell you no. YOU ARE THE PARENT AND HE IS THE CHILD...

Answer 8

you need to bring out your belt and show him who is going to kick and scream then put the little booger in his room

Answer 9

what you have to do is crack the whip and put him in time out nothing is worse than time out and keep him there to show you mean business and his behavior should get better over time

Answer 10

well with these problems God can REALLY help as well as with all problems but anyways ummmmmmmmm i would send him to his room  and go in 30 min later, and ask him if hes ready to act his age. Show him YOUR in CHARGE. NOT him.  good luck~!

Answer 11

You're doing the right sort of thing. Don't spank him. They've been doing studies and people who are spanked are FAR more likely to become rapists. I would also put him in time out or his room (or a less fun room) until he calms down. You're bigger, don't let him hit you.

Answer 12

beat his *ss and show em who's the boss, because if you don't beat him he will continue because you ain't doing anything about it. BUT FIRST, try to talk to him when he is not mad to see what is really going on

Answer 13

I am not an avid spanker, but sometimes I gotta give the devil his due.  

One day my son at 7 years old deciced that when he was mad at me he was going to hurt himself and say that he wanted to stab his arm.

At first I was shocked, then scared, then d**n mad.  We were out somewhere at the time waiting for our ride.  When we got in the car I turned around and beat him silly.  (As good as I could from the front seat to the back seat.)  I told his little butt that I wasn't going to waste my life worrying that he would hurt someone or himself, and that if he wanted to feel pain I was showing it to him.  I told him if he ever said or did anything to that effect again, I'd kill him.

I scared the c**p out of that little boy.

Well that was the last time that happened.  

Because of your history you may not need to go that route.  You have to help him believe in himself and you and the relationship you guys could have.

Kids that age are short term when it comes to punishment.  Punishing for a month will generate animosity for you.  He will learn only the first two or three days-- and than not believe he can change anyway.  

Coming from a mom of a sometimes troubled child, who's doing better ever since I changed, my advise would be to ask him (during down time) why he thinks he can hit you when he's angry.  Again on down time tell him that's unneceptable behavior, in a conversational way.  Explain that youv'e made a new rule about the way you will deal with this every time.  2 days of grounding.  While he's grounded, act normal, and act like you know you are sure he will learn.  Then on the third day do something awesome.  Take him somewhere sooo cool.  Explain to him his choice to be good got him where he is.  He may hit you again, and do the same d**n thing. If you want to spank him also be my guest, but being consistant will work.

Also, things that seem stupid, like letting his bedtime slip even 5 minutes can attribute to his behavior right now until you have things better controlled.  He has to understand that you make the rules and that you believe you are right even if he doesn't.  He'll respect that.  (20 years later!)

It's so hard to be so consistant, and to even know what to be constant with, and what is ok and not ok.

If you ever need support feel free to email me.

Hope you feel better.

Answer 14

When my daughter was 2 years old, she hit me, I popped her right back and told her (in a very firm tone) to NEVER EVER hit me again.  Din't have that problem after that.....when it first happened, you should have nipped it in the bud.  He shouldn't even have the luxury of a tv and game system.  Don't reward bad behavior.  

But that's in the past, you need to get him some form of counseling because you are the boss.  You are the one responsible for him.  He can't go around hitting and kicking and screaming if he can't have his way.  If his behavior continues like this, he will never have any respect for you or any other human being.

EDIT:  It a d**n shame that his dad won't help....if you are at your wits end....try a different counselor/therapist, one who can help....if that fails, take him to his dad's house and say it's your turn.

Oh okay now we are getting somewhere....he seems to think that hitting you is okay because daddy did it.  You and your son need help....Dr. Nikki can't help you on this one.

Answer 15

Show him who's boss! Smack him then he'll be upset and finally apologize,if this continues,COUNSELING my friend.

Answer 16

Drop his little butt off at the police station or call the police next time. Let the people in the uniforms explain what happens to boys who like to beat on girls. I have an ex who I dated at age 14 who used to hit his mom with no problem and he was 15 years old and 5'10 and 230lbs. You need to stop him now before you end up being another mom in the paper who got beat to death by her kid.

Answer 17

try cousling or take away something he really likes like game boy or vudio games.

Answer 18

kick his butt!! show that lil punk who's boss. dang... if my kid hit me id beat the c**p outta him :p

or take him to a counselor.

Answer 19

I would spank him, pick out one item to use mine is a big red soup spoon Its plastic and I learned to give it all I had my hand did not do a thing  make sure the first one is hard then keep this in sight carry it in the car and every where you go.when he acts up mention the item and hold it if he cont use it after 3or4 whacks my son does not want to here red spoon or see it be consistent also try talking about child birth and show him pics of delivery if possible let him see the pain you went through for him to come into this world and dont actually do this but tell him you can take him out of this world also.tell him you love him and he is not acting like he loves you.watch the video games, tv, movies and friend .maybe a week away from you he will miss and respect you.

Answer 20

HIT HIM BACK!!!!!! Hard! Let it get in to his head that hitting mommy is NOT profitable BEFORE he gets bigger than you and puts you in hospital.

Answer 21

You need to stop this and stop this now. Not to come off judgmental, but you should have left the FIRST time your husband beat on you, especially in front of your child. And you should have stopped your child's hitting the FIRST time he did it. I'm sure this has been going on longer than a year.

I'm glad you're done with your husband. That's a good step. Take another poster's advice and physically restrain your son when he tries to harm you. Sit on him. You won't smoosh him. Don't yell. Just calmly tell him you deserve respect and until he can treat you properly, he'll have to be restrained.

On another note, empty his room. Don't just take away his "favorite" things, take away EVERYTHING. Leave his clothes and his bed and that's it. Tell him why you did it and say when his behavior improves and he stops disrespecting you, he can get stuff back.

Answer 22

Your 8-year-old beats on you?? omigosh.

I don't really know what to say. Obviously grounding doesn't work. Next time he hits you, you should take all his toys away. My mom did that, and we never dared to do (what we were being punished for) it again.

Answer 23

Spank him, put him in the corner on his knee's, take away everything anything he likes. Don't give it back for weeks. No Phone, no computer, no games, no tv, no friends and so fourth. An 8 yr old shouldn't be acting out like that just by saying 'no', some kids do and they get away with it, so it just makes it worse as they get older-trust me, I watch 4 girls and the 6 yr old acts like that b.c. she gets away with it every time she acts out. She will be a J.D. someday unless her parents start taking care of business soon.

Answer 24

(Please don't take this the wrong way!)

Well he's obviously remembered what his dad did to you. Did you call for help from the police? If not, then your son has learnt that, like his dad, he can get away with harming you and get away with anything. Also, if you and your partner had disagreements with anything that led to the fighting, he may have learnt that too.

A child psychologist or counselor may be in order.

Answer 25

My 8 year old daughter does the same thing we tried every thing that you have tried we even tried holding therapy and nothing worked you need to get him in to a mental health place and get him on some medicine I know that is scary and I tried for 3 years to do it natural and this was our last option I wish we would have done it sooner she had her first appointment with a child anger physiologist to day and they said that she has post traumatic rage disorder. For example to day I told her it was time for bed and she started to scream and kick and through things I told her if she didn't go to bed I would carry her to bed I then followed her to her room watched as she climbed the latter to her bed and with out any notice she kicked me as hard as she could on my throat. I know how helpless it feels when you cant help them and then the feeling that your a bad mom. But don't let those feelings get to you this is not your fault you have done nothing wrong. Just keep letting him know you love him.

Answer 26

This isn't working. You need to calmy talk to your child. Be closer to him, and he will probably be closer to you.

Then when he gets out of hand simply remind him. 'Im going to take away more stuff if you don't listen and while everyone is having fun you might be in your room if you don't listen, but if you listen you get to have fun'

=)

Answer 27

well if he is spoiled by one parent he mite not show respect for the other

Answer 28

i've have not gone through that but i think u shouldnt give him anything that he wants he doesnt run things u do take everything he likes and put it some place where he cant find it    

if he wants u to buy him something say no dont give him what he wants if he doesnt listen

Answer 29

you have your 8 yr old beating on you? you need to spank him! that child is out of control

Answer 30

There are a few things that are absolutely necessary to give to a child while growing up. Discipline is the category for all of them. First, don't be afraid to spank your little guy, don't toss him across the room or anything lol but just use enough force physically so that he cries and will know that he is your ***** :P

You also must yell or raise your voice, nothing scares kids more than their own parents who helped them grow up yelling at them.

Grounding is very good too. He'll get the idea that he can't do certain things or else he will get grounded, and keeping somebody's freedom from them is the ultimate punishment, someone at that age can easily abuse freedom and that is why grounding is okay.

And as I have seen other mention, put him in the corner.

Something that I have heard before is to mock the child, if your kid is going to beat you and say no to you, do something similar, don't exactly beat him but say no and go "nuts" like he seems to be doing, that just may make him realize how silly he looks and how obvious it is that by saying no and beating on you, won't get him his way.

Also do a lot of positive reinforcement, that will keep him from leaving home before age 16 lol.

Hopefully some of this information is helpful, good luck

Answer 31

I can't believe all these people on here saying spank him or hit him, how so disgustingly hypocritical. You can't tell a child not to hit or be violent and then you hit him? Ya that makes a lot of sense.  You want your child to act a certain way then you have to be the best role model. Hitting him back will send the wrong message. I don't want you to hit me but since I am bigger I am allowed to? Yea that will work until he is about 15 and able to toss you like your nothing.

Strip his room of everything, only leave a bed and clothes. He needs to stay in there most of the time. Also make him do lots of chores around the house. Do not let him watch tv, do not let him play video games, not until his behavior has improved for a long time. You may also want to take him to counseling, he may need some advice on how to handle his anger, right now this is probably the only way he knows how to.

I would enroll him in some karate class or some sport, somewhere where he can burn the extra energy off and punch things that are not people.

Everytime he hits or kicks you, you explain why it is wrong to do so and then bring him to his room -which should be empty. Trust me for an 8 year old it gets really boring to sit in a room with nothing to do after a short time. Be consistent, praise for good behavior, and stay positive.