What can I do about my 17 year old wanting to quit school?

Question

My 17 (almost 18) year old son has decided he will not be going back to high school. His reason is that he only has 9 credits and is supposed to be a senior this year, but is now only in the 10th grade...again. He has no reason to quit. Other than laziness. I have stressed to him over and over again how important it is to get an education, and constantly remind him that I, being a college graduate, only make $8.00/hr. He thinks he is going to get a job, buy a car, a house and have a family..... all with no education. Last night he left the home, and said he has no plans on returning because all I do is "*****".

I guess this is a prime example of what you get when you spoil your children.

Advice welcome.

Answer 1

well i am from overseas and is quite shocked to think he is still at school at that age. he should be in a higher grade in order to finish. seems like it's unlimited through and you have a choice to leave  where i am from everyone leaves around sixteen,17 used to be fifteen yrs back through. not anymore. i am from the uk. maybe that's why we at the bottom of the learning board. we also finish at 3,30 sometimes 3'00 and when leaving dinnertime. it's quite different  here.  lol i am 18 my stupid mother thinks that when i do head over to the Usa  she thinks i am 2 old for school and it's 2 late to go to your schools. cud go to school let alone collage and uni. she thinks i won't even get in a collage etc i know she thinks i am dumb oh well. i am pretty smart. i am above adverge i done a iq test. an engilshman's advice in this case is let him leave he has learn't enough. as for that limiting car thing what one reader says is also shocking. ! well that's one way to put it.

Answer 2

you need to convince him that if he has no education and he wants all those things he will be struggling and you can't help him out if he does decide to quit because in the long run he will have wished he stayed in school so he could be mentally, emotionally, and financially ready for the real world not his imaginary one where everything is perfect  

Answer 3

tell him if he quite before he gets his ged, then he has to move out at 18.

Answer 4

I'd tell him that he's old enough to make his own decisions, even if they are bad ones.  Tell him that you don't agree with his decision, but in the end he's the one who's going to have to live with the consequences... then smack him with a lease agreement ... as long as he's living under your roof and not in school, he's paying room and board!  And That's the first consequence of not being in school.

Teach him that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.  

Answer 5

Its tough when our kids make the decision to quit school, but really, can you blame them?  They are learning information that, to them, is so totally useless.  Let him quit, get an $8 an hour job, and let him learn about life the hard way.  Not everyone is an academic, who knows, your son may find a trade that has been calling to him for years but one that he was never allowed to explore because he had to learn the periodic table.  He is only 17, but he feels grown up, and I'm sure you've raised him to make wise choices.  

Answer 6

tell him you will let him quit ONLY if he gets his GED.

Answer 7

Convince him with all of your might that if he does quit school right now with no education, he could end up on the streets with no money or a house to sleep in. Tell him education is what it takes for everybody to get a good job, a nice house, and make enough money to get food on the table. Tell your son to man up, because this is a do or don't situation.  

Answer 8

serriously?

my mom makes 50$ an hour, didn't even go to colleage, she went to trade school.

and im getting a job offer for 10$ an hour once I am old enough to drive, which is soon.

ak for a raise

Answer 9

Well i guess if you force him to stay in school he will probably fail again and again since he has no interest in graduating.You have already warned him about how tough life is without an education.Let him get a job don't spoil him anymore and don't help him with money,don't buy him stuff.Working hard on his own will make him a better man.

Answer 10

If my son was doing that poorly in school I would let him quit and do everything in my power to try to show him things he can do without that diploma. GED classes, job as a waiter, etc.

It is important to get an education, but if he is not happy in his current situation his education will be half assed. It is embarresing most likely for him to be an eighteen-year-old sophmore. Offer to pay for GED courses for him and maybe he will meet someone else in the same situation and relate better to them than a bunch of 15 yr olds.

Answer 11

let him do it...im 16 and i dropped out with parental permission when i was 14 turning 15..i  got myself in a rong path skipping class, smoking, parting, i was only a freshmen but i chilled with seniors(it was for the best for me to leave)i dont knw where you live but im miami there is a program called miami christian academy..u oay $50.00 a week ( a grand total of $600.00) he does easy and when i say easy i mean if he thinks the work they give him is hard he needs some seriose help its basic math n english u can use computers and stuff... he mails an assignment a week as well as the 50 bucks n at the end h**l recieve a highschool diploma..google it

Answer 12

Well technically he should be able to quit school because the legal age is 16.

Give him the taste of the real world. Unless he goes to school full time, he must pay rent and have a full time job. Make him pay for everything he uses. He'll soon realize how good it is to still be in school.

This is what my parents did to my brother when he decided he wanted to quit college. He soon realized it was a poor decision on his part and quickly went to class

Answer 13

Sometimes you have to step aside and, against your will, let your kids make their own mistakes and learn from them. If he doesn't want to listen to you, there's nothing that you can do; he's almost 18 anyway.

Answer 14

tell him that he can quit school only if he wants to quit on himself. let him know that even the dumbest person can make it, but they have to be wanting to make it somewhere in life. although he is almost 18 so after that he can drop out if he wants to. tell him he has to go to school until he's 18.

Answer 15

At 18, show him the door.

He will have that warning time to get that house and car etc all with no high school diploma. Tell him he will receive not one penny of help from you, he may not live with you, hit the road.

Sounds like he is indeed spoiled, ungrateful, self-centered and delusional. Time to wake that boy up. Take everything away from him you pay for-phone, tv, etc. Give him only food and clothing (don't buy anymore) till his birthday, at which point you put his c**p on the sidewalk.

Tough love is never too late.

Answer 16

You are very humble in your posting of this question.  Is it just you and him?  Well, regardless, I know you love your son, but it is YOUR HOUSE.  And education should be a top priority in your house.  You don't want to raise a "loafer" to live in your house.  Let him know you love him and that you mean business.  You are not putting him out, but if he wants to quit and make it on his own, then he needs to get-to-steppin'.

Answer 17

I am truly sorry about that. Unfortunately if he is not living under your roof you can't enforce that he attend. But what you can do is NOT help him when he comes to you for help when he is struggling, and trust me if he will truly be on his own he is going to struggle, I moved out a few months ago, (19) and it has been a challenge, and my mom still helps me. You tell him when he needs help that he wanted to quit school and support himself so that means, HIMSELF. I know it is really tough love but Trust me he will realize what he missed.

However, there is always a chance he might Really do well for himself and make it. So don't give up hope yet

Answer 18

let him quit school but see if he would home school  and pick up credits need to graduate.  He sounds discouraged.  

He will come home when he gets hungry.  It is a cold hard world out there.  he need to learn from the college of hard knocks.  

Answer 19

You should let him quit, being 17 and in the 10th grade isnt easy. Just make him get his GED within a few months of him quitting school.After he gets his GED, he can go to community\junior college and then transfer to a university.

Answer 20

well let him do what he wants i guess. he is almost 18, and when that happens you dont have to support him anymore...he will have to get a job if you dont let him live off you. You give him the option, either get your butt to school and you can stay under my roof, or get out and get yourself a job and support yourself and pay mommy rent...simple really.  

Answer 21

Not a darn thing, next question.

Answer 22

I'm soory, but there is nothing you can do, he is over 16 and the law does not require you to stay for the last 1 or 2 years. I really am sorry!

Answer 23

Mom, it is time for tough love.  Everything that you pay for (that would get you in trouble with Child Services, like food), stops.  Cancel the cell phone, he will have to get his own plan and pay for it himself.  The car keys?  Well you paid for that, so the car is yours.  He doesn't have one.  Furniture?  Ha, what furniture?

Tell your son that he can quit if he wants to, and then just be ready to catch him when he comes back.  Once he comes back, then you can suggest him getting his GED or returning to school.  He will probably be more motivated for that diploma.

But currently he is still 17...and you are bound by the law to make him attend school or else you get in trouble.  So drive his whiny ungrateful rear end to school, drop him off, and ask his teachers to notify you immediately if he is not present at his classes.

Answer 24

Tell him that as long as he's a minor and under your care he is required to be at school every day, on time. Then tell him if he chooses to quit school once he turns 18 he can plan on leaving your house the same day without anything that you have purchased for him be it clothing, furniture, a car, a cell phone, etc.

Its harsh - but its probably the only thing that has 1/2 a chance of getting thru to him.

Answer 25

Show your lazy son the road in short order, mom- and tell him he's not allowed back at home until he has a job and is able to show proof that he can take of himself and pay his own way. You're right, he is lazy- and more than a little spoiled and in DIRE need of a reality check. Once he's on his own and learns that he has to PAY FOR EVERYTHING himself ( DON'T PAY ANY OF HIS EXPENSES, HE'LL LEARN FASTER THAT WAY) then he may be more willing to listen to you and cooperate with you. The world doesn't owe anyone a living- and it's WAY PAST TIME HE LEARNED THAT LESSON- the hard way if necessary.

Apart from this, why is your son so far behind in school?? Did he get held back a few times? Does he have a learning disability or a developmental disorder, such as Asperger's or Autism?? Was there another reason he missed so much school, such as an illness ( like cancer, for example) or something of that nature?? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then there may be a reason your son wants to drop out- he may feel that he's not getting anywhere in school, or that he's not being challenged enough. Have you ever had your son's IQ tested to see what level he's functioning at??  It could turn out that he's actually gifted in some area, and that school is just simply not enough of a challenge for him. Gifted kids will often be at risk of dropping out, because the curriculums of most schools are geared toward the average student, not towards those with IQ's in the 150 to 180 range or higher. It's not fair or reasonable to expect someone with this kind of intellect to do basic high school math or most of the other subjects, because their minds operate at a level which is far beyond that point.

Another thing you need to look into is the circumstances of your own and your son's lives. How's his relationship with his dad? Do they get along well together, or are they estranged from one another? Is his dad alive??  Has there been any tension or stress in the household lately, such as the death of a loved one, for example, or somebody who's been seriously ill? If so, your son could also be reacting to this. It's tough to concentrate on anything when you are grieving and in pain- and most mental health professionals generally recommend putting off major decisions for at least 6 months after a loss, to give yourself time to heal and recover. Has your son lost one of his friends, or lost a girlfriend, by chance?? That's yet another thing you need to look into, because it too could be behind his refusal to go to school. Are his teachers hard on him, or is he being bullied at school? If he's 17 years old and only in the 10th grade when he should be a senior, you can bet that this is going to cause problems for him socially. Kids are quick to pick on and mistreat anyone who is different or doesn't conform to their expectations of what's "normal".

I would suggest that you give your son a reality check first, and when he is humbled enough to ask to come home, THEN you can get him tested and medically evaluated, and find out what's REALLY behind his refusal to go to school. This fantasy of his is rebellion, yes- but it doesn't make a whole lot of sense, and he will quickly discover that having to work for a living is no fun. He may also have a hard time finding a place to live, because most states prohibit 17 year olds from doing things like signing leases or getting credit. Many of them also prohibit 17 year olds from driving during certain times of the day or night, and there are still others which impose curfews on kids his age. I live in one of these states, so I know what I am talking about.

Good luck, and I hope this helps.