What can I do about my 5 year old niece's bad situation?

Question

My sister and I have always been quite close. She has a daughter who is five years old and I care about her immensely. Lately, I have noticed that every time I'm over at their apartment, my sister spends all her time playing video games while her daughter watches television. My sister doesn't take her out anywhere and on the weekends, they stay at home. My sister doesn't play with her, and when she's being too loud or too energetic, my sister yells at her to stop. My sister spends all her time at home playing video games. She doesn't ever make healthy meals, but feeds her daughter pre- packaged meals or fast food, even though my niece is one of the only five year olds I know who likes eating healthy food. To make matters worse, my sister has started smoking and drinking heavily around her child on a daily basis. Sometimes, she smokes inside the apartment. My niece is supposed to be starting kindergarten this year, but my sister waited until the last minute to enroll her. She keeps telling us that her daughter is going to school "tomorrow" but something comes up every day. We know she's lying to us, but we don't know the full truth. We are beginning to have doubts as to whether she has even enrolled her child in school. On top of all this, my sister has met a random man over the internet and after a few weeks of knowing him plans on having him move from a different country to come live with her and her daughter. She doesn't know him she plans on leaving my niece at home with him during the day when she works. Not only is this putting her daughter in danger, but she is in no position to support a man who won't be working. My parents already pay for her child support and health insurance. My niece is an energetic, enthusiastic and very smart little girl who needs to get out and do things and socialize with kids her age. But my sister is denying her that. My other sister tried to talk to her about this, but she blew up in her face. Every time someone tries to reason with her, she gets offended. We want to talk to her about this more seriously, but we are so worried she will stop letting us see her daughter. We don't know what to do at this point, but we know something needs to be done. If you have any advice, it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Answer 1

Aside from calling cps (witch I don't think will help) you can spend as much time with your niece as possible. In IN you don't have to send your child to school till their 7 by law. I don't agree with that. I would try and keep the child out of that environment as much as possible. From what you have described I doubt if the mother would object. When the child is with you smother her with attention and love. I am glad she has you in her corner

Answer 2

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Answer 3

basically there is no right answer for this...if she gets offensive when confronted then that will just continue on and she will distant herself. If the child is not enrolled in school then call CPS find out for sure what age by law you state has for a child to be enrolled in school. And perhaps you might want to think about cps for the long haul if things dont get better. They will force her to improve or take the child, which someone else in the family will have to fight to get custody

Answer 4

CPS won't do anything unless she's being abused, and it doesn't sound like it. She does however need to be in school, or she'll be a slow learner.  

Answer 5

Ask your sister if she would like to go and meet the man in his country first, just to get to know him a bit.

If your sister does go take care of your niece for however long your sister is away. (Eg. 1 week)

Then whilst taking care of your niece ask her if she likes the idea of a man coming to stay, if she likes mommy playing video games etc.

If your sister doesn't go away discuss this with the rest of your family. Then confront your sister.

I Hope everything goes well for you and your niece! Good Luck!

=D

Answer 6

I don't think there is anything you can do until you have some evidence that the girl is in danger. But there is a possibility: it is possible that the girl's mom is letting her smoke cigarettes when no one else is around. That is why she feels free to smoke heavily in front of her, and also why she didn't start her in school. So, if you can get the girl alone, try to find out if she smokes. If she does, you can report the situation and something will be done.

Answer 7

CPS should be notified. Even if they "can't" do anything yet, establish that there's a problem.  Sometimes a simple investigation on their part could get the mother's attention.  The school issue could spur them on... Your sis may need help, too.  She sounds like she could be depressed, and there can be ugly results if left untreated.  Keep an eye as best you can, it sounds like you are the only voice she may have.

Ultimately, follow your gut, if you feel something is wrong, it probably is.  

Answer 8

I know that child protective services people won't get involved with "lifestyle".  They need to suspect that the child is being neglected, abused, and/or endangered.  

The rest of the stuff aside, I think the strange guy from another country would be the thing that would drive me to calling the authorities on her. Maybe that would be considered, "child endangerment". The other stuff is undesirable and crummy, but sometimes, unfortunately, people have to sit by and watch that kind of thing.  The stranger guy, though - that would make me really scared for the child.

Answer 9

I dunno. It's a bad situation.

You can offer to take the child out on outings to give your sister a break. And when you go over, bring healthy food.

But try not to criticize your sister. You don't know what she's going through. Be there for her, and let her know you care, but let her know that she needs to take the first steps.

You could offer to take the kid to school, too, if you are that concerned. But . . . I don't know. You may have to go to the authorities.

Would she let your niece stay with you? While Mr. Right is settling in? If you can get your foot in the door, it might become a permanent arrangement. (I know that's evil, but doing nothing is not a great option, either.)

Answer 10

It's not the niece who has the problem but your sister.  Your sister is addicted to video games and it is causing her daughter to suffer.  My advice is to call social services and report your sister, she is neglecting her child and endangering her child's well being with her own addiction.  

Answer 11

Let your sister know that 10 days missed, and she HAS to repeat kindergarten which will be F-ed up on her part, because it will be her own fault that her daughter is inconvenienced. And why is she talking about this random foreign man watching her daughter all day when she should be in school? I think your sister has NO intentions of enrolling her and you need to call CPS as a random concerned neighbor. She does NOT need to be left with this questionable man, your sister can put her in after school care provided by most schools. That should never be the situation, not when she's just meeting this guy anyhow.