What can I do about temper fits?

Question

My friend has an almost 2year old boy who is having very very bad temper fits he throws his food yells hits kicks you when you are trying to change him what should we do....We already tried putting him in his room he just screams and kicks his door we just ignor him but he dose not stop untell he screams himself to sleep and them when he wakes up we go get him but as soon as he gets down here he FREAKS what should I do

Answer 1

I'm not sure how well you can see a temper tantrum coming but if they are pretty easy to predict you can try to diffuse the situation by giving a couple options ahead of time (or even when they start) such as: "We're going to change your diaper now: you can lay down and be still and we will do xyz (go on a walk play with a toy or whatever he likes) afterwards or you can scream and throw a tantrum and get put in timeout (or his room whatever).

During a tantrum you can offer options as well, " you can continue to scream and be in timeout or you can tell us nicely what you are upset about and we will do xyz"  By doing this you are still not rewarding negative behavior but explaining that positive behavior is what gets rewards or the desired outcomes. [This is also not bribery so long as you don't resort to "rewards" but merely to desired activities, ie reading a book, going for a walk, etc...]

In essence, toddlers perceive this as having a bit more control over their lives and it can help them feel more capable of determining their "outcomes."

And of course maintaining a positive attitude as though nothing bothers you helps to diffuse situations because it takes some of the power away from the tantrum.

Answer 2

can she put him his pushchair or carseat with the harness on for 2 minutes?

this way, he can scream and shout but not damage stuff.

after 2 minutes, leave him in the straps, explain that his behaviour is wrong.

get an apology and release him and give him a hug.

every time.

Answer 3

Whatever you (or your friend) do, you must be consistent.  These tempers are due to the little boy not being able to express himself verbally.  My ideas are to firstly make sure you listen to him when he is trying to tell you things and allow him other ways to vent frustrations - running, shouting, hitting pillow etc....

However, when he is having a temper then try your hardest to absolutely ignore him......any form of attention is showing him that this behaviour gets a reaction and even a negative reaction is better to a toddler than no reaction at all.   If he is in a safe place then just sit and ignore him or walk out of the room......it is hard work but worth it in the long term.

good luck to you

Answer 4

Well this depends on the mother to get some handle on him. 2 year olds must be discplined in a new way because they are not babies anymore and are old enough to understand not to hit or throw things. They know that things have a cause and effect like taking the bottom block out will make the rest of the blocks fall down for example.

This is why you should examine his reasons for acting this way. Could it be that with his other siblings he is not getting a lot of one on one attention with mom or dad? Children need some individual attention and to be nurtured and should have a special time everyday to expect mom/dad to share an activity with only them. It can be the simplest thing such as reading a book to him or just doing house chores together. 2 year olds need to feel that they can help with things as they are gaining independence more and more at this age.

My daughter who is 2, enjoys for me to let her wash her hands by herself with only me there with her or for me to play a game with her alone a few minutes. I play dolls with her, puzzles, and basically anything she requests. Kids this age love role playing. To put on hats, carry bags, and to play with their shoes. Boys can also do this. I keep junk mail with fake credit cards and let my daughter pretend she is shopping with the credit card. One of her dolls had a fake passport and she uses that and pretends she is traveling somewhere.

I think mostly temper tantrums are fueled by boredom at this age. Kids have a LOT of energy and need an outlet for it as well as they need to explore new things. We take cushions off the sofa and pretend the sofa without cushions is a boat or we pile the cushions and pretend its a bed or something. Kids love that stuff.

Most parents can tell when their child is on the verge of a tantrum and that is the TIME to get control of it. When he is about to explode, before he actually does, take him out for a walk or ask him to come and be your helper for a while. Tell him you need his help even if you don't. You can make up any repetitive task that he can do over and over for a while.

Also offering snacks or asking him if he needs a drink lets him know that you love him and are trying to nurture him. He doesn't want for you to just fix his drinks or snacks without asking anymore because now he is a big boy and wants instead for you to ask him and talk to him about his needs more.

When 2 year olds start to hit -and they ALL do that, parents should make a priority to always be closeby to be sure and catch the behavior so that it doesn't become a habit. When he hits really hard or kicks, then you must physically pick him up and carry him (kicking and screaming if need be) into another room. Sit with him a few minutes and try to explain to him that hitting is not ok and hurts others. Explain how it hurts. You may try time out methods. Usually after a child sits in time out a few times it is a good threat to have and isn't needed to be used as much after that. Kids remember that they have to sit and will do whatever they are asked to get out of that punishment.

Giving options and talking, not shouting is the best way to handle it. Do not laugh, do not ever give the body language that you are not sure. Parents must be firm and make eye contact and let him know who is the boss.

Ask him if he wanted to play with ____ toy when he hit little Billy. If he says yes, then explain its not nice and try to make some agreement of another toy he can play with or give him the option to get a break from the other siblings a while. Its important that all the siblings have a special part of the house where they can get some space if things get too stressful or they fight.

I have a corner of the house for my daughter's princess chairs, some balls of different sizes, and toys that she likes and she sits in her corner sometimes when she is overwhelmed or feeling angry with her brother.

If during the tantrum, he starts hitting and kicking terribly with not control and doing it hard and screaming, its important to hold him with his back facing you, hold down his arms and let him scream for however long it takes. You don't have to be hard, but hold his arms and legs so that he can't hurt anyone. By the time he sobs and stops, you will be hugging him and comforting him. All pre-schoolers go through this phase some have it worse than others.

Also avoid outings and when you do have to go out, be armed with bribery in case he starts to show signs that he is upset. For example, keep a car, colors, a comfort toy, or candy in your bag and offer him that option if you see he is about to melt down. Otherwise try not to go shopping for too long as 2 year olds get bored quickly. I usually let my daughter pick out a toy even if its a piece of 25 cent gum or whatever. Then she is happy to sit in the shopping cart and to tell everyone passing about her prize. It's not spoiling, its teaching him options and also giving him the choice to throw a fit or to control his temper. Its very important for him to learn his limits. Its simply a phase of him exploring his emotions and boundaries with parents/siblings. It will get better but its most important to try and avoid the fits before they start.

Also if he has started this since potty training, then he may not be ready for it. It could be his way of expressing stress that he may be feeling from the change and expectations of him to use the potty. In that case, then potty training should be put on hold until he is mature enough for it. Every child is different so just try to be patient mostly because most children this age just want one on one attention and affection so that they can build confidence.