What can I do for my husband to let him know I want to be in this relationship?

Question

About a year ago, I mistakingly had an affair, my husband and I have since reconciled, and about a month ago, found out I am pregnant. We are happy about it, but he feels like I do not do anything to show that I care, or that I want to be in the relationship. How can I show/prove this to him? This is our 2nd child, our 1st is 3 and 1/2, so we dont ever have alone time. what can I do?

Answer 1

He still thinks about you saddling up on another man and riding him Hard!!!!  Cheating doesn't show that you cared for him!  You didn't want to be in the marriage when you cheated.  You also cheated on your first child as well.  He's going to have these thoughts for the rest of his life, and you did that to him, how is that a mistake?

Harsh, yes, but, it's the truth!  You're really blessed your husband didn't drop you.

I honestly don't know how you can prove it to him, because the damage is done.

Answer 2

put your child to bed early one night and make him a really nice fancy meal with candels and give him a nice massage and just let him know that he is the only man for you

Answer 3

well what is he saying hes lacking???  you can get a ton of ideas here but hes his own person.  What does he need from you?  your time? attention? doing little special things?

him saying you dont show it, ok, hes letting you know.  But he needs to tell you HOW you dont show it.

Answer 4

pray with him

hug him

write him a poem

put his shoes on in the morning

take them off at night

rub his back

sit down and read the bible together

hold his hand

encourage him to share his feelings even though it is painful

attend church functions together

Answer 5

mistakenly had an affair, how the h**l did you manage that .

Answer 6

First stop making excuses for past problems and live up to them... no one mistakenly has an affair... You had time before and during the affair to get out of it...

Now once you've done that, love your husband... You are blessed that this man took you back. All he wants from you us some attention. Plan some nice romantic dates. Take a vacation. Cook him his favorite meals. Get him tickets to his favorite sport event or concert.

Find that love you had when you were younger... before the problems and before you knew what heartbreak was.

Yuo know what I love about kids, they love hard because they have no idea of the pain loving hard can cause. Find the kid in you and reveal it your husband. I'm a believer that love is something so strong we have no choice, but to show... find the love and show it.  

Answer 7

Take up some of his same interests and spend time with him doing those things (example: going to sporting events). Even if this is something you may not enjoy, he will recognize your efforts. Make an effort to hold his hand in public, and kiss him every chance you get. If he asks why you are doing these things, you can respond by saying: "Just because I love you so much!"

Answer 8

First, affairs are only mistakes after you get caught.

If you are making that "mistake" before being discovered, well, No need to work that over any more.

It seems there are some lingering trust issues regarding YOUR commitment to your marriage AND your giving your share to the relationship.

You should get the book, "After The Affair" and read the section regarding trust building. Read it closely and pay particular attention to High Cost and Low Cost remedies.

It sounds like there are some lingering selfishness issues at work here. Trust cannot grow with that going on. Fix it and do it soon.

Actually, one very low cost option, yet very effective is oral s*x.

Answer 9

You're pregnant.  That means you had s*x.  How is having s*x not showing that you care?  Dude needs a reality check.  Ask him how he wants to be showed.

Answer 10

You need to start doing things for your husband to earn his trust back.

Answer 11

You are very fortunate that your husband reconciled with you.  But, it sounds as if the reconciliation is not complete.  You OWE him big time!  You are the one who needs to think of things to do for him.  We cannot help you there, as we do not know him.

Answer 12

I'm sure every time you go out without him he's thinking "I wonder if she's cheating". You are going to need to seriously build up the trust and if it requires counseling to save your marriage and keep your children's father around full time then do it. Even if you have to go to a few sessions by yourself you might become a better person for it and show him that you care.

You know your husbands likes and dislikes. Make him a few of his favorite dinners with his favorite desserts and don't say "Don't tell me that I never show you that I care" right afterward.

Leave your 3 1/2 year old with your parents and go somewhere for the weekend. Have some good meals, wine, a massage and lots of great s*x. Make sure that there is absolutely no stress. Then after that weekend tell him from your heart that you are so sorry for what you did and that you truly love him and can't live with out him.