What can I do to control my want for a man?

Question

I am 21 years old from Florida, and the guys here are male s***s. Some will tell me they want s*x later in the relationship ...and its not a age thing guys 40,50 and in there 60's have said the same.....even though thats not my date age range.

But I never had a bf because all of them either tell me or give a sign or hint they want s*x later on. None are into waiting until marriage and even if I got a divorce I would wait again....whats the rush? I mean if you will be loving me forever anyway we can save s*x for later.

But since I never had a bf I fear I will get any guy because I want one so bad and he will be a 100 percent loser.

No such thing is a guy opening your door, or treating you like a lady...what gives?? But I want a guy BADLY and just want someone to share my life with other then my famliy...boring.

What should I do?

Answer 1

I waited till marriage, married a guy I thought was one of the good ones...turns out he wasn't. Divorced and have been waiting yet again. It's hard to find the rare good guys, but they are out there. My advice is to stop looking. Focus on being happy with yourself and when you're ready the right guy will show up. Just keep your eyes open and don't lower your standards.  

Answer 2

Ya see, thing is... the desire for s*x is completely natural and normal, especially in kids your age.  This makes you the 'odd man out'.  Your pool of available men is very tiny; perhaps you could join some kind of religious organization where abstinence for unmarried people is the norm.  Sorry, its the best I can offer.

Answer 3

Kelley, it sounds as if you are a little old fashioned. You should accept the fact that people in general are much ruder than they used to be. People call this casualness, but that's often an excuse for rudeness. And who has taught them? My nieces and nephews are clueless human beings who treat their mother like garbage (which she most certainly does not deserve).

Why are you holding on to your virginity? Do you think it's precious? I strongly advise anyone contemplating marriage to at least got through a mutual nude exam of each other - what if your partner is deformed in some way and just hides it until you are married? I also advise testing the waters with your prospective husband to see if you are sexually compatible. This is more important than you think it is - if couples aren't sexually compatible, someone is going to stray, despite promises. It's just the way people are.

Answer 4

Your idea of a relationship is not practical, even though it sounds like a great plan. I would venture to say that it is a very dangerous and self destructive idea to be walking into a relationship with your proverbial eyes tightly closed. You are taking a huge risk with the rest of your life. I was just a year younger than you, when I met this guy. He was everything I always hoped for: gorgeous, successful, charming and patient ( sexually speaking ) with my own very conservative requirements. I ended up marrying a rapist, a person with violent sexual dysfunction. And the worst of all was my complete ignorance on how wrong our sexual relationship was. It took me 10 days to collect my battered body and soul and run. And I will spend the rest of my life making sure that no other female has to go through similar experiences. I did survive with my soul intact, but other ladies did not.  Do fall in love first, then go ahead and enjoy a healthy sexual relationship with the man you choose. And if knowing all of this, you still want to marry him, do so. If not, move on and try again. Believe me, living your life on your own terms is a pretty rewarding experience. Verses always stretching to achieve unattainable religious perfection, and finding yourself disillusioned and hurt at the end.

Answer 5

Controlling your want for men is a very unhealthy and drastic solution ;\

You just need to find a man that fits you best [:....men who wnat to wait obviously exist, specially Christian ones(you don't have to go to a church to find one lol)

Just try to meet more poeple and you will find someone;}

good luck

Answer 6

K-

"what's the rush? if you will be loving me forever anyway we can save s*x for later."  

Has the idea ever crossed your mind that- some people like s*x and don't want to wait 'forever'-?

Why couldn't the man say something similar to you in this situation?

" If we're gonna be together forever, why don't we have s*x now? What, you don't trust me?"   - That's a two way street dear.

Edit-

Seriously though. The reality is that men and women are different. I am convinced that women have the environmental gift of *s*x*. What I mean by that would be analogous to like a camel or some other animal who has a mechaniism which allows them to adapt to their enviornment.- you following me?

Camels can drink water all day if they felt the need or they can go without for the better part of an entire week.  I view women's sexuality the same way.

Women have the ability to use their s*x as they see best suited.- this explains the nuns and prostitutes-  You can have a large group of women on each side of the spectrum and neither feels terribly stressed about their decisions.

The central idea I'm trying to get to you here is that- men don't have this.  Men can't on a whim decide that they'd rather wait to have s*x for 10-20 years. Men aren't built like that.  I truly belive that it is this ability which serves women thru history (as odd as that my sound- think about it). Women will never go hungry because Men have an incurable hormonic craving for s*x, and women have almost an absolute immunity to it. Men at points need s*x- women can use s*x as they deem fit.  .. obviously you can see the repercussions here.

The moral? You're gonna end up dissapointed if you want a man who has the biological urges of a woman. If you want someone who can turn their sexuality on and off like a faucet, then you want another woman.

Answer 7

Go to church.  Meet guys there.  Even those who want s*x are more likely to accept that some women prefer to wait until marriage.

Answer 8

Hey girl, I'm 20 & I'm in North Carolina & I actually just met an Armenian guy about a month & a half ago. He's 24 & we have been taking it extra slow as I go to a different school & all but today I kind of saw a red flag: he mentioned sleeping together & I quickly changed the subject. Like you, I want to wait until I am married for s*x but not many people are up to the challenged-so I would advise you to put your boundaries out there early just in case he does/doesn't want to stick around.

There are guys available, but you must put yourself out there in the RIGHT places (ie-church, volunteer, etc. etc.)