What can I do to control this...?

Question

Ok. I'll try to make this short. I have a pretty hard time controlling my anger. I am not angry all the time but when someone says a certain thing I can get pretty upset. I pretty much get more upset and then I get angry afterwards. I no why I am angry. I just need to no how to either get rid of it or help myself. See when I was little my father and grandparents thought by saying stuff like "Your stupid" or "you can't do anything right" and etc. It would make me do better.But it didn't work. It just made angry. When I was young I would keep it all in and never say anything. But once I got older and other things happened to me that were tough.. I started to let it out. Now I am 21 and married and when my husband says things that kind of refer to my intelligence. I get angry. Like if he says," Oh that was easy. Why can't you do it." Things that make me feel like I disappointed him gets me upset too because when I was younger I tried all the time to make my dad proud but I always seemed to disappoint him. So I think I still seem to want to make people proud. I am afraid of failure. And when ppl say those things. I feel like I am failing. Another thing that gets me angry is the self image of today's world. I feel like I have to be a certain way. When my husband says someone is hot ,like a famous person, I get upset and depressed.Even if it is stupid. And again I think it is from when I was young from guys using me and I remember one guy told me he wanted me to loose weight and then he cheated on me for another. I just have to learn how to get over somethings but I feel like sometimes I go back to when I was a young girl and I can't get away. Please don't tell me to go to a professional because I don't have the money.Or please don't tell me I'm crazy or something. I just want to know if anyone has felt the same way or can give me some word of advice. I feel like I am worthless sometimes. And I'm tired of it. Thanks for whoever answers this.

Answer 1

Yeah, I understand what you are saying. It's HARD to not look to others for validation. Especially at your age(I'm OLD...38 hehe).

Anger is an issue for me as well. It was much worse when I was younger but I didn't have the sense like you do to recognize it.

I've learned that anger is a coping mechanism.

If it's not dealt with it turns to rage and that's an ugly monster.

I agree with the gal that responded first on this question. Anger can be dealt with and you can do it without a shrink. But you have to do the leg work. You are not worthless. You sound very intelligent to me and the fact that you posted looking for answers tells me that you have the inner resources to begin fixing this problem.

Good luck to you and peace to you tonight.

D

Answer 2

I wish you could afford therapy - or even a self-help group.  Why?  because you have so much insight and you just need the tools to manage strong emotional reactions.  those tools are not easy to put into daily practice, but they are there and they will be effective.  It's sort of like a diet.  Not easy - but can be done.

look at this site.  it has the basics.

first - relax your body because your body is telling you to fight - you MUST tell it to calm down.

second - the healthy thoughts thing.  its time to replace some thoughts you have that are making you an angry person.  For example - your thought "People are calling me stupid and that is bad."  with "People may think things about me.  I can't control what they think.  I know I am smart."  

good luck - you can manage this.