What can I do to deal with kids that don't listen?

Question

Every other week I provide day care for three kids ages 9 to 13 whose mom works. The kids are rude, disrespectful, expect to be waited on hand and foot, and messy. They don't say please and thank you and were not taught to. I have tried talking to the mom, but her response was "they are just kids, don't place adult expectations on them." Apparently, in her house, they do whatever they want and tell her what to do. I really need suggestions because I can't just quit right now. The money is good, but I really dread having these kids in my house because they are so disrespectful.

Answer 1

I would tell them that they are to respect you while they are at your house. And make a chart of rules and put them in time out if the don't listen so 9min for the 9yr old 13min for the 13yr old!And than in force your own rules!

Answer 2

They'll only walk on you if you let them.  They don't walk all over their teachers this way.  Reminds me of a family of three young boys who tear up the furniture, rip up the carpet, throw things, act up in the car so badly their mom nearly has a wreck.  But they are angels at the babysitter's house.

You have two choices:  figure out how to demand respect from these boys or tell their mom to take them elsewhere.

I think I'd lock the doors and tell the children that they can't come in until they are acting respectfully.  If they leave the yard, you'll call the police.  If they damage the yard, you'll call the police.

They come in and act disrespectfully, they can sit in a very boring corner, or be escorted by the ear outside again.

Don't do ANYTHING for them if they don't say please.  Ignore the requests.  Keep your hand on the plate until thank you is said, and if it doesn't come in 5 seconds, the plate is thrown in the sink with the food.

Maybe you need another caretaker to come in and help you out.  13yo boys are almost men.  I can picture getting hurt by one of them.

I don't know if this will work with your crew, but it's worth a try.  

TX Mom

Never forget that YOU are the BOSS in YOUR house.  Your TV may disappear before their next visit, your fridge may be locked or empty, whatever.  YOU say what goes on in YOUR HOUSE.  Act with authority.

Answer 3

You make the rules in your home, you tell them that while they are in your home they will follow your rules.  Let them know you don't tolerate disrespectful kids  and you know what?  Those parents need you big time so don't sweat the rule thing afterall it is YOUR HOUSE!  

Your allowed to run it the way you want to run it as long as no one is hurt or emotionally torn by it.  It's kinda like school, where there is structure, there is a quiet home.  LEt them know that TODAY things are going to change.  There is no comprimising here rither, your in control and the parents are too busy working to teach discipline obviously because I would NEVER allow my kids to misbehave at a sitters house.  NEVER!  I would sit thise kids of mine down and break it to them, you follow the rules she has when your in her home.  The relaxed way they are at home is wrong also.  I see it a lot in homes where two parents work, moreso than in a home with one parent working.  Too tired too do it right?  I think SO!  Thats not to say all working parents are this way, some are not.  It's just that the majority are too tired to step up and discipline correctky, instead they yell from across the room three hundred times to quiet down.  Thats not the way thats going to work.  

If you need a punishment that hurts NO ONE and works VERY WELL!  Theres the 3 minute Nose on the Wall.  They speak and you add a minute, they cry, move, sit, or talk, add time!  Have a timer nearby that they can hear when it goes off.  This ends fighting and they can all be on the wall at the same time in different areas.  Don't tolerate this in your home, it's not what daycare is about.  I'm with you 100%!!!!

I have 3 young kids 9 to 13 and all three are very well behaved.  Any behavior thats out of line and they know it is not going to fly with me.  I don't tolerate bad behavior, they have a high respect for all people.   I would never allow my 9 yr old to be disrespectful, it is NOT a KID THING< kids are kida but they have respect!

Answer 4

with my kids if they want something they have to ask nicely or they don't get it. when they are done playing with something they have to put it away before they play with something else. if they through a fit or don't listen they go to time out or take a nap, when time is up I talk to them about why they had to go to time out

Answer 5

The only thing I can think that you can do is find other kids to care for, and drop these; give the mother a refund, if necessary.

You have to decide which is more important -- the money, or your sanity.

PS: the only other option is to sit for them elsewhere -- eg, in the mother's own house.  That way, it's their own house they make a mess of.  The disrespect is learned directly from their mother, who has abdicated her responsibilities as a parent, IMHO.

Answer 6

If the money is that good you should just get over it

Answer 7

Beat them...oh, you weren't asking what I would do?

Answer 8

What are you doing for them? They can only be waiting on hand and foot if someone is willing to do the waiting. Stop. What do they do at your house? Do they sit in front of the TV? If so, you can use that TV for leverage. If they want to be able to watch TV after school then they need to do this, this and this for themselves (get their homework done asap, for one), clean up their afterschool snack from the table and wash their on dishes (for example). When the homework is done and their messes are cleaned up, then they can do whatever it is they like to do - watch tv, do video games, go out and ride a skateboard - whatever. That is exactly how I would deal with this behavior. Teach them to be responsible for themselves. They'll have a fit for a day or 2 but they'll come around quickly when the next time they come over you've removed the TV from the living room, the video games, etc.

Answer 9

Sit them down and explain what YOUR rules are. If the mom doesn't like it, then she will have a very hard time in the future finding someone who will put up with them (and her). Your house, your rules, bottom line, no exceptions! Having manners, picking up after yourself and not being rude to others are things my kids (and most others)  learned as toddlers. This mom is in for a rough ride!

Answer 10

call supernanny