What can I do to fix my poem?

Question

I wake up,

I hear the horrride sound,

when will be the day, that they dont wake me up fighting?

why is this happining to me,

I just lay there,

as the tears fall down my face,

sometimes I wish I'm invisible,

I wish I could help,

I would do anything to find the solution,

but I can't, after all im just a child

Answer 1

you could make it rhyme it would sound a whole lot better or maybe try and put more feelings in it.

Also in the end if you like what you write then everyone likes it if you don't like what you write then no one likes it.

Hope this advice helps

Answer 2

This needs a lot of work, in order for the content to be any good, but I'd like to attempt to right some of your spelling and grammar. I might tweak your words here or there, so please bear with me.

I wake up,

To hear the horrid sound,

(of what, exactly? Please include this, it would seem important)

On what day might I awake,

At their hands, but not fighting?

(...more details, again.)

Why is this happening to me?

I just lay here,

As the tears slide down my face...

Sometimes, I wish to be invisible,

(why? DETAILS)

I wish I could help,

To find the solution,

(TO WHAT?)

Yet, I can't...

For I am but a child.

Emotionally, this makes little sense...you gave no reasons or details to make anything that you said interesting to the reader. It needs a lot of work, but with sufficient effort, this could be a lot better. I'm sorry if my changes were minimal or unhelpful, but the only one who can make this poem good is YOU.

Answer 3

Maybe you could add some history or issue that you have in their! make it alot more meaning full! XD

Nice poem anyway! =]

Answer 4

I wake up,

I hear the horrride sound,

when will be the day, that i shall wake up to peace?

why am i caught in this endless war,

I just lay there,

as the tears fall down my face,

sometimes I wish I were invisible,

I wish I could help,

I would do anything to find the solution,

but I can't, after all im just young child

living on a wish and dieing on the truth

Answer 5

With red-eyes of sunrise,

I hear the horrid sound, and

Wonder how I can sleep

Through their detriment,

And I wonder why fate hath

Chosen me to be the one who cries...

Invisiblity doth not vanquish the misery,

And my ability to aid is nebulous, for...

I am but a youngling trapped in this dark inequity...