My son is 18 years old and we have been very close for his whole life.
His father and I divorced when he was 9 but we have all remained friends.
It was not a bad divorce is what I mean. My son came and lived with me until he was 16. Then his father offered him his own wing of a house so needless to say my son decided to move in with him. I also thought it would be good for him to spend some time with his Dad.
The trouble has slowly started over the past two years. I started dating someone that he doesn't like. My son told me it was his job as a son not to like anyone I date, half joking but then again maybe not.
The big blow up happened at the end of May when he was graduating from high school. Let me set up the scene. First of all I was sick so I probably wasn't thinking things out clearly.
I have been through a tremendous amount of stress due to my father's terminal illness etc.
Anyway, graduation day arrives. I was all dressed and ready to go
( even though I was feeling very sick ).
I called my son right before I was leaving the house and I was just checking in on him to see how he was feeling, excitedor nervous and I was going to tell him ( again ) how very proud I was of him.
Then this transpired. I tell him that my now Fiance ( same guy he doesn't like ) will be coming too and driving me because I'm not feeling well. My son then says in a very nasty tone " Whatever but I'm not going to speak to him". I say, " That's not very nice, I don't expect you to be his best buddy but you can at least show him the decency and acknowledge his presents" .
He says no, he wouldn't do it. I tell him that it's not only disrespectful towards my fiance but also to me. My son said he didn't care.
Then before I knew it out of my mouth came " Well , if you don't really care and can't show some respect then I guess it doesn't matter to you if I come to your graduation or not ". He just says " Whatever " and hangs up . I call back to try and reason and he just starts cursing saying " Are you F#%&ing kidding me, your not coming because I won't speak to whats his face " ? I say" yes " and proceed to say that what's his face is the man that I'm going to marry even if he doesn't like it. Remember he's 18 and going off to college.
I tried to tell him that he can't choose who I'm happy with etc. and that he will just have to except it, like it or not.
My fiance has been very kind to him, taken him on vacations and paid for two of his friends to come along. He's bought him gifts for Xmas and his birthday. He still even offered not to go to graduation and that it didn't matter what my son said.
Long story short I didn't go. I feel horrible about it and I'm also very sad I didn't go because it was a day I had been looking forward to for a very long time. I have always been very proud of my son and his accomplishments. He has changed though and not in a positive way.
He's become disrespectful towards me and his father and now my fiance. I've called him several times and written him 3 very heartfelt letters. All to no prevail. He says he will talk to me when he's ready.
My father only has a short time to live and my son is making no effort to even see him. I guess my question is What else can I do ?
I've told him that if I had to do it over again I would have gone to his graduation but I was sick ( literally ) and also tired of the disrespect.
So what do I do from here ? It's hurting me so bad that he has shut me out because we used to be so very close. Now he's off to college and I'm not able to be part of any of it. I'm at a loss.
Any positive input would be appreciated. Thanks and I'm sorry I wrote a novel.
Tags: