What can I do to get over my OCD?

Question

I've been dating my boyfriend for about 6 months now. I love him very much, but my OCD is getting in the way of our relationship. Everytime I see a man I think is physically attractive my mind starts to tell me "you don't love your boyfriend, you're a bad person". I have intrusive obsessive thoughts about finding someone I'll like better, when I have no desire to do so. I don't want to date anyone but this man, but I worry that these thoughts are going to ruin me. What do I do? I really can't live without him, and I don't want to lose him, but what if these thoughts convince me I don't love him and ruin everything? How can I control my OCD?

Answer 1

You could try just looking at your thoughts from a third person perspective. If a friend for example told you she saw a man who was attractive, would you automatically think that she didn't love her boyfriend etc? I don't reckon so. Thinking someone is attractive is a perfectly natural and normal thing.

You could also just try this technique known as mindfulness. What you do is basically accept your thoughts. Just let them come and go, tell yourself repeatedly 'it's okay, yes I thought that, but who cares?" just known that you had them and try and just believe in yourself that you really do like him. It may seem very hard at first, but it gets easier.

You could also try writing the thoughts down. All of them and in great detail. Write everything that comes into your head on a piece of paper. It can sometimes help to release the thoughts. You could also try something symbolic here, write it all down and then burn it, or rip it up and let it go in the breeze. Picture yourself freeing yourself of the thoughts.  

Answer 2

I can understand how you feel.

I think it all probably stems from any number of things - a fear of letting people down, self-loathing and masochistic tendencies, etc.

Learn to trust yourself. This is very important. These intrusive thoughts will also probably subside as you begin to feel more comfortable with your partner and yourself.

Now this may sound crazy, but maybe you should discuss this with your partner. If you think he is understanding and intelligent enough, tell him how it makes you upset. Does the thought of doing this scare you? If it does, it is because you are afraid of being 'found out', of not being 'good enough', of losing something that you KNOW you want.

I think your mind is probably trying to make you lose something good for you because you dislike yourself, on a very sad and deep level.

Don't let it, you have nothing to be guilty about. Trust me, everybody finds men and women physically attractive. Your boyfriend almost certainly does find women physically attractive. It doesn't mean anything at all. Neither does thinking you'll find someone you like better - it is all stemming from your inner self, that deep dark insecure side of you and it's taking over the side of you that believes in yourself. Be strong in the face of it - you are not a bad person, believe me.

The only way to get rid of these thoughts is to build on your inner self. Learn to love yourself and trust yourself. Relax. Be open with your partner, discuss and share with him.

I could be so wrong, I'm not a professional, but I think I might understand where you're coming from...

Let time take it's course and these thoughts will probably go away as you become more comfortable and happy in your relationship. Your inner struggle will probably just work itself out.

Answer 3

I can't help but notice how removed you are from your own emotions . You seem to view them from far away. I wonder how you can feel love for anyone when you have to travel so far, just to feel. I don't think what you have described is obsessive so much, as polarized. Your only obsession is bouncing from extreme to extreme.

You now seem to be experiencing a lot of worry and anxiety. This is sure to polarize you even further. You react to your own reactions. Love is doing love, being in love, having love, not just the thought of it. You go over the moon to show love, to express it, it doesn't stop at the idea of it. You are very preoccupied with this distraction. You seem set on continuing this distraction in spite of yourself.

Maybe your diagnosis is a bit off. Maybe you should consider whether there is some truth to it. It would help diminish your anxiety and allow you to calm down. This is not only making you feel bad, but now you think you are a bad person. We don't do that when we are in love.

I want to understand what is or has been ruined. How are you ruining anything? If thoughts go through your mind like a strong breeze or like driftwood, they're just thoughts. The mind is like a radio, it's always picking up signals. When something doesn't matter, you don't dignify it with a response. It doesn't merit all that attention. There are more important things to do. Those things take priority, almost automatically. Where are yours?

You want or you need control. That's understandable enough. But fighting over control can easily become an obsession. The more we obsess, the less we feel, it becomes a means to an end. How can you find a way to obsess less, and feel more? How do you get in touch with that so you know what you are feeling? When it's a mystery, it becomes an obession, the question lingers like an elusive vapor. When you feel love, you do it. When you obsess you ruin everything, and you can't control your obsessing.

Maybe someone can help you find the right diagnosis so you can calm down and learn to take things one at a time. Once the problem is solved and you have some control, you can begin to focus and have some control over your direction. As it is, you are all too easily distracted. When you find peace of mind, then write and tell us all about how much in love you are and how you are ready to show it. That would be a wonderful thing to look forward to. When you can show your beloved how much you love him, then you will have an obsession you can live with.

I hope this helps you.