What can I do to help my 4 yr old son understand that his father and I are no longer together?

Question

My sons father and I have been separated for almost 1 yr now. It was a very bitter and hurtful breakup. His father has now moved on and has a new girlfriend, whom is very good to my son. My son likes her alot and that makes me very happy. For a few months I dated secretly without letting my son see the men i dated, I didn't know how he would react to someone new in my life. Though recently I have finally brought a very special man in my life who i have being seeing now for 6 months around my son and introduced him as my friend. I want him to ease his way into our life. But my son is very rebellious. He hates when we sit together, when he touches my hand, when i mention his name. Why doesn't he act like this towards his fathers' girlfriend? Is this normal? I love my son very much and always explain to him that his daddy and I love him very much. For the record, ever since our breakup, his father and I respect each other to the fullest. We never bad mouth each other or argue in front of our son. I know it is very hard for a child to cope with change, but how long will he behave like this?

Answer 1

that's normal!!

your son is being rebellious but when he grow he will get it well!!

he just need time!!

and as I get it...I think should be the father talking to him!

he loves his father as much you but normally guys talk easier to others guys than girls even the moms!!

and the children are smartest than the adults think!!

cause my aunt told to her sons 5 years old that her was bissexual!

and they get it really well!! of course one more than the others!!

but they get it and help her with ppl that don't get it right!!

the kids sometimes can surprise us for the positive side!!

^.^

And I think you should not be nervous!!

if you are that will be worse! so...relax!!

but may be you and your ex should talk together to him!!

^.^

everything will be alright!!

just take it easy!!

Answer 2

strangely enough, even as an adult i had a difficult time accepting my mom's new hubby over my dad's new wife.  must be a gender thing.  

perhaps youve introduced your son to your new man in a way that boy's dont like.    or maybe your guy is giving off some masculine territorial signs ?  it could be the role that your guy is playing...he's not being a 'buddy' to your son.?  dunno.  dont blame it on the kid.  his reaction is probably normal and truthful.  it's the adults that are the liars about their true feelings.  

Answer 3

Your son is too young to understand the concept of " split up."  Your son is in a different invironment when he's with his dad.  So it's easier to accept his fathers' girlfriend.  To see another man with you in his own home is totally out of place.

I'm not a psychiatrist so please accept my opinions as food for thought and not hard fact.

Don't keep trying to explain to him that you are splt up.  He won't understand it anyway and I believe it will just cause him to fight it harder.  Whenever your boyfriend comes around make sure you pay a lot of attention to your son.  Don't try to push him on your son.  When the three of you are together, act as natural as possible.  Kids pick up on adults emotions.  So as long as you stress he won't settle in either.

Explaining to him that you and his dad still love each other very much sounds like a good thing to do.  But think about it.  How confusing it must be for him to hear how you and his dad still love each other yet he's with another woman and you're with another man.  Save the explaining for when he's older.  

I hope this helps you out a bit.  And I wish you all the best of luck.