What can I do to negate a bad preschool influence?

Question

Let me go ahead and start by saying that I realize that all kids make lousy choices here and there, and that my child is not perfect herself. So I would really prefer if people do not placate me by telling me that.

Having that out of the way, last year my daughter went into her first year of Head Start preschool. It was really wonderful, she made a lot of good friends, and her teachers were angels. But there was one little girl in class that my daughter was strangely attracted to. This is a little girl who is very angry and confrontational, and I also know of several sexual encounters that had to be dealt with during the year. One of these was actually her trying to do things to my daughter. They got caught, and I talked more seriously with my daughter about playing certain games, and which things are not appropriate, but the summer is drawing to a close and I am still fighting to erase the influence that this girl's behavior has had on my daughter.

But now my biggest fear about the new school year has been confirmed ... that same girl will be in my daughter's class again. While a part of me feel terrible for this little girl who abviously has a less than ideal home life, I want to protect my daughter and have even looked into options for transferring my daughter to a different class, or even a different school within the Head Start program. But if that doesn't work out and I am for some reason unable to move my daughter from that class, what can I do to negate this girls influence and behavior on my daughter?

Answer 1

Oh wow.  I was thinking about just telling you to make sure that you should privately explain to your daughter that while some children do certain things or make bad choices, these are not choices that are right for your family and get specific.  However, after you mentioned issues with a sexual undercurrent, I think you've tolerated more than most parents would have to (your young daughter has, as well)  You should absolutely fight to have your daughter removed from the class.  If this doesn't work, I would fight for the dismissal of the child, then if that doesn't work, I would surpass the directors at that Head Start and contact their superiors, as well as DCFS.  I'm sorry you're dealing with that.  That is HORRIFIC.

Answer 2

I have no idea what the real answer to your question cold or "should" be but, and I don't mean this to sound intolerant of the other child but, I would absolutely be in the mind set of wanting to protect my own kid in this kind of situation. If it were me, I would talk to a therapist. I would find someone with experience in dealing with this issue and consult with them. I don't think there's anything specific you can "do to counteract" what your child is dealing with but, you should definitely be made aware of what to worry about, what to look out for, how to talk to your child, how and in what ways to be sure to keep your child's situation in mind and how and when to be sure to be tolerant. I would certainly be concerned about my own kid -- and ultimately it is NOT your responsibility to consider how the school needs to deal with this and how the other family needs to be thought about. I worked in day care -- and I think there are some issues that parents have the right to be selfish about and it is the school's responsibility to consider everyone and it is not the parents' position to necessarily consider anyone other than their own child.

Answer 3

That's a really scary thing to happen to any child.  As a mother, I too would be wondering how to keep my child away from that little girl.  

But as an outsider I can say that this could be a big life lesson for your little girl, because even if she does get transferred to another class there might just be another little girl with even more serious issues.

You just need to remain constant in the discipline you give your own daughter in any negative behaviour she's displaying.  Like any child she needs to have clear consequences to her actions.  You also need to be very receptive to her feelings and have very open lines of communication.  If something is bothering her, make sure she knows she can discuss it with you.

When you see another child behaving or when your child is behaving, point that child out to your daughter and tell her how nice that child is for eatting all his dinner or sharing his toys, whatever.  Try to focus on the positive things, because by paying attention to the negative only reinforces that they will get attention when they do that.

This is definitely not an easy situation to be in and I'm sorry that you're experiencing it.  You also have to give the teachers some credit too, they are going to be more aware of how this other child acts and will be more diligent in correcting her behaviour before it gets out of hand. (you can always share your experience and fears with them if they are not aware)

Good luck, I hope it all works out well for you and your daughter.

Answer 4

First, try to get your daughter into a different class. Keep her away from that other girl. Then remind her every day about the bad things and how to remember that they are bad. Make a song about it, and she'll remember it if something happens again. If you can't get a separate class, tell the teacher to please keep them away from each other. If they start playing, make them separate.