What can I do when I said yes to his proposal but don't want to get married?

Question

So what is a girl to do when her boyfriend asked her to marry her, she said yes, but a few months into the engagement she decided that she is not ready to marry him? I don't want to break up with him or anything like that, but I don't think I want to be a wife next year or the year after that. I want to be a young couple and enjoy life together and not be domesticated and tied down. How do I tell him? Will he want to break up with me? Are we going to stay "engaged" for years or will we go back to being in a relationship?

Answer 1

The best possible thing to do is simply to be honest.  It's unfair to him (and you supposedly love him) to let him think that everything is going along as planned.  Have you set a date? Are invitations sent? If you haven't done either of those things then it's no big deal - you simply tell him that you adore him, love him, want to marry him - but you're not in a rush. If you've chosen a date and things are actively being planned, then you owe it to EVERYONE involved to be honest. Better now than later.  

Answer 2

Just talk to him. Tell him you love him to peices and you are so happy to be with him. Tell him you want to marry him one day but you want to have a long engagement. Would it be ok with you if we stayed engaged but didn't rush anything? I just want to enjoy us for now?

Something like that...

Answer 3

The questions you ask you need to ask him. The fact your engaged is good, just make it a long engagement. Who knows you might change your mind in a year, couple months. or few weeks. When it come to making wedding arrangements, just tell him you are not ready to walk the Aile yet.

Answer 4

You can be engaged for as long as you want.  Just tell him that you'd love to marry him someday, but you would like a long engagement.  A commitment like that is not something to go rushing into if you're not ready.

Answer 5

always be honest !!! sit down and talk with him. also let him express himself. danger, be careful what you say and how you say it. men can get offended easily when it is percieved as rejection. then go from their based on your conversation with him

Answer 6

I think the best thing for you to do is talk to him.

I'm married, and I know I would have appreciated it if my wife would have been honest and upfront with me in regards to not being ready. If he loves you, he'll understand and he'll be alright with it. The LAST thing you want to do is get married because you feel obliged to- then you'll both be miserable for the rest of your lives!

I have a friend who got engaged. They talked about it and decided they were going to wait until 2012. Yes- thats four years. Will it work out? Who knows, thats always the question with relationships, but if your not ready you just need to make it clear that you still love him and that you intend to marry him (hence the reason you said "yes") but your just not ready to do it yet!

If he breaks up with you over that, then your marriage would have never worked anyway ;)

Now to "how do I tell him"- have you discussed when the wedding will be? If not, then thats easy! Just say "I'm thinking we need to wait a few years because while I love you and will marry you, I'm not ready to do it quite yet". If you did talk about it, then something like, "I've been thinking- I love you, but I'm not quite ready to get married. Can we discuss pushing the wedding back a few years so that we can enjoy being a young couple, not domesticated and tied down?"

Hope that helps- Good luck!

Answer 7

The best thing you can do is to tell him the truth - pretty much exactly as you explained it here. The longer you wait and keep it hidden, you may start to resent him and your relationship.

I can't possibly know what he will do - I don't know him and even if I did, I'm not in his head (regarding whether or not he would want to break up with you).

Really, though, I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to be young and engage in age appropriate behaviors - you have your whole lives ahead of you; why rush?

As far as the last question, engaged or just dating, it's a relationship whatever way you label it.

Stay strong, honest and true to yourself.  

Answer 8

tell him i feel like i am really love u but i rather not get married yet i love u so much though

Answer 9

ASK TO TALK TO HIM PRIVAELY AND BE CONSIDERATE OF HIS FEELINGS AND LET HIM DOWN E-Z

Answer 10

Simply tell him that she is having second thoughts and would rather not jump into something she doesn't know if she is ready for.  

Answer 11

Take your time. If you're not ready, you shouldn't get married. If you tell your boyfriend you love him, but you want to wit to get married, he'll not break up with you if he's the right guy. If he wants to force into marrying him too soon or not marrying at all, he's not worth it. You can be engaged for a long time, it's just a step up from using promise rings.

Answer 12

happened to me ...tell him how i feel before he buy a wedding dress for me  

Answer 13

Well my first gf wouldn't get married to me either.  I asked her many times.  She never said yes, but she never wanted it.  To this day ( over 20 years later) she is still not married but has been with the same guy for years.  But there are some really sensitive guys out there who may be marriage minded.  Everyone has a different goal or motive.  So you never know how someone might react.  You might want to be very careful how you handle it and don't drop the ball too quickly!  Maybe if your faced with a break up scenario, you might even think twice again on your decision?

Answer 14

All the answers here are good ones....just tell him exactly what you have said here. If he truly loves you he will not break up with you.  You are a smart young woman who is going with your instinct, and he is a fool if he were to call off the engagement.  Just because you're not tying the knot soon doesn't mean you don't love him.  Marriage IS a big deal, and you both want to be ready financially and emotionally.  

Answer 15

You need to have a serious talk about it ASAP and not play along if you're not happy about it. It's not fair to either of you and it's a good way to see if you guys can work through a conflict.  

Answer 16

Don't make any wedding plans!  If he brings it up, tell him you are not ready!  If he truly Loves you, he is going to want to be with you anyway!  xox

Answer 17

say somthing like this "So what is a girl to do when u asked me to marry you, i said yes, but a few months into our engagement i decided that i am not ready to marry you? I don't want to break up with u or anything like that, but I don't think I want to be a wife next year or the year after that. I want to be a young couple and enjoy life together and not be domesticated and tied down do we really need marrigae to show how much we love each other?"

we alwasy know the best answers we just need help to c it

Answer 18

Tell him how you feel. Honestly, if he loves you that much, he'll wait until you're ready. There's really no reason to rush into marriage at all. And sometimes no reason to wait around being un-married either. But it depends per couple. You've just gotta talk to him and get it out in the open and come to an agreement.

Answer 19

If he really loves you he will understand.  Stay engaged make it a long engagment....  Many people get engaged and stay engaged for many years.  I am with my boyfriend (how I call my husband) we wear rings and we call each other husband and wife but we are not legally married it works great for us....

Answer 20

If you want to still eventually get married just be engaged until you're ready just explain to him you don't want to get married right away.

Answer 21

Maybe you could tell him that you want to have a long engagement. Don't pick a wedding date yet.

Answer 22

I would say explain to him your thoughts and he will understand