What can I do when people intervenes in my discipline methods in front of my child?

Question

let's say, a child breaks a vase and I say it was not ok but the other person intervenes and says its fine and tells the child I'm overreacting.

Answer 1

If it was purely an accident then I am on the other persons side. Children have accidents. If it was the result of you telling the child not to do something that they did anyway then you tell the other person to butt out. Never interfere with justified discipline. So what you do depends on how this went down.

Answer 2

Tell them politley that it is not ok and that you are the mother.

Answer 3

I agree, it depends on the situation. Did they intentionally break the vase. Then it is not ok. But if it was an accident, while that might be ok (as the other person says) the running in the house, throwing a ball inside, etc. might not be ok. It depends if it is their vase too. Maybe they don't want to be perceived as the bad guy... even though you are disciplining the child since it is their vase, the child may see them as the "bad guy." In any case, I would tell the other person that it undermines your authority when they interfere with you and your child, and you would appreciate it if they did not do that. With each different situation, your approach to disciplining would be different, but it is still your child, so ultimately they have no say. And no one should ever tell your child that you are overreacting. I would have to have a private conversation with that adult about boundaries. It is one thing to tell you, away from the child, that you were overreacting, but they shouldn't tell the child. That sends out the message that it is ok to ignore you.  

Answer 4

say I want to teach him __________

Answer 5

I agree with mterry!  My mom does it all the time too! Dont get into an argument infront of the child, just explain that you are his mommy and he has to listen to what you say.  Later explain to the other person that when they undermine you infront of your child it causes the child to stop listening to what you say.

Answer 6

I agree. if a person contradicts you in front of the child, turn to them and say, no it was not all right, and then continue talking to your child about why it was not right.  Don't be rude,to this person. just state it firmly, but be polite. This way they understand you are the parent in charge. if you are constantly being intervened, soon your child will not listen, and have no respect for you.  

Answer 7

My mom and mother-in -law do this and it drives me nuts. I tell them in front of my child that is not okay,  so he understands that I am the parent and what I say goes. Later I talk to the other adult and tell them to pretty much but out b/c though they probably have good intentions it's none of their business. I tell them not to undermine what I say especially in front of my child its not acceptable

Answer 8

I would continue to discipline my child and when i was done I would politely as i can but that person in their place and explain to them that this my child and I would like for you to not butt in while I'm disciplining my child because he may not take you seriously or might think that he can go to that person toget them out of trouble.

Answer 9

It depends.

If it was in someone else's home and it was someone else's vase then you can expect the person to want to smooth things over but if it's in your home and your vase then that's kind of strange.

Answer 10

You need to tell them politely (but firmly) to mind their own business.

Answer 11

my mom does this c**p all the time! I will say Alexandria No you do not touch the Dvds and she will cry cuz mommy is being "mean" but my mom goes awww alex come here hunny its okay and she now knows at grandmas she does not have to listen to mommy! it sucks and I even told my mom to NOT do that because Alex knows not to listen to me now!

Answer 12

Kids have accidents but if its your vase then you can trip

Answer 13

Depends on the severity of the accident.

I, too have the mother in law issue.  She doesn't like seeing my girls being corrected.

I have learned to take the child into the bathroom (not the other room because she follows me) and correct the child where I'm not seen or heard.  

I would say it wasn't "OK" as well in front of the child.  Maybe your other half is there to offer support as well?

Children catch on quicker than we think.  Letting it slide is not an option.  Stay consistent with whatever method you use and let the "interfering adult" know that you are just trying to teach your child good manners and how to respect other people and their things.

Hope this helps