What can I say or do that will help my husband be more responsible with money?

Question

We are on the verge of eviction and he took money out of what we set aside last payday to pay our late rent.

I am so frustrated. Ever since I have been with this man, I have had to fight with him to pay bills and help with things around the house.

When I was working, most of my money paid bills while he blew his on cigarettes, coffees, etc. He basically has little good to show for his spending. His truck needs to be fixed and we only use one vehicle-mine of course. He makes enough money to pay all the bills himself with ~$529 left over.

Besides his inability to pay bills and control his spending, everything else is good. What should I do? He has improved drasitically, but he's still not paying all of his obligations. Please don't say leave him, we have a child. I'm just tired of him saying things will change.....

Answer 1

Ummm... kicking him to the couch might be a start ;).

I work with many couples who are having money "issues" and usually, one has good money skills and the other doesn't.

It's challenging to change behavior without the threat of immediate loss, unless the person truly wants to change.

You could try checking out some of Dave Ramsey's books, and watch his show on the Fox BUSINESS network (not Fox news). He often takes calls from people who are in your position (mostly women having trouble with their husbands... what a surprise!).

Quite frankly- you mention that you're not working- it really just boils down to respect. His actions show that he does not respect you, and he does not appreciate what you've done in the past to keep the household working, and what you're doing currently while he's doing [socially acceptable] drugs.

What I can tell you is that Mr. Ramsey will suggest that you see a marriage counselor- either together, or on your own.

What I have found is that money "issues" are usually a symptom of underlying problems... the way people behave with money simply reveals their underlying beliefs.

He needs to grow up, and start acting like an adult. Maybe (?) the eviction could be a turning point- a wakeup call. Hitting "rock-bottom" could present an opportunity for him to realize that he's immature, and that immaturity is hurting his family.

With continued exposure to Dave Ramsey's materials and a little help and encouragement from a third party, you'll find a way to get this handled.

Answer 2

hello - i agree that you may need to seek counseling on this one.  money seems to be the number one reason US marriages end in divorce.  heres what i suggested a client do recently, and it seems to have worked (4 months anyway) -

heres an idea -  

List out how much money you have coming in each month (paycheck, alimony, side jobs, etc.).

List out what your fixed costs are (rent/mortgage, car payment, car insurance, phone, cable, student loans, commute costs etc.) If you have credit card debt look at how much per card and which has the highest interest rates.

Track it by category -

retirement (401K, etc.)

home

car (payment, insurance, etc.)

gas

cable/electric/water

groceries

eating out

clothing

movies/plays (include the popcorn)

books

newspaper (if you already paid your news paper or magazine subscription, figure out the monthly cost and include that)

hanging out with friends (bar, pool etc)

non meal related drinks/snacks (Starbucks, diet coke, snacks)

credit card 1

credit card 2

cigarettes

other

other

(other could be alimony, whatever, things I did not list out but you have to pay)

and you will see quickly where your money is going to go and you can show it to your husband -

You can point out where it is going that may not make sense given the rent and broken car issue.  

Once he has seen it perhaps he will start to really understand what money is - it is a tool YOU CAN ONLY SPEND ONCE - somehow people dont always understand that.  

Consider what is really important to both of you and what is not and spend accordingly.  Ask him to prioritize and then agree with how much he can spend on cigarettes or whatever.  Personally, if you can swing it, take away his access to the bank account until you get this all under control (may or may not be a good idea, I dont know the man).

Be sure to put as much money as possible into the rent issue, and then once thats solved get his car fixed.  And keep tracking what you spend for at least 6 months. that will help you get into habits and patterns that are good ones.

Retirement savings are very important, so if hes contributing to a 401K or the equivalent, dont stop contributing to that. I see so many questions here about stopping contributing or taking the money already saved out, dont do that. The value of the compound interest is huge.

feel free to email me for more info if you like

good luck

Answer 3

This is a marriage issue, finances are one symptom of it.  You, together or alone, need to see a marriage counselor.  

For your immediate situation perhaps you could switch to a checking account that requires both your signatures.  And close any credit and debit cards that are in his name only.

Every family needs a bookkeeper.  The person who runs the budget, pays the bills, hands out the allowances etc.  As part of your counseling you should suggest being the bookkeeper for your family.

Your husband sounds like he needs to be on a weekly allowance for his cigarettes and coffee, he should be free to spend it as he pleases but when it's spent he doesn't get any more until next week.  The two of you can determine the amount of the allowance based on what your finances can handle.  This is the first step in your husband learning to control his spending and thinking of the long term implications of his behavior.

God bless.