What can I say to make this any clearer?

Question

This person I just met wants to hang out all the time, go out to eat, movies, bars, etc. I don't mind going out now and then but can't afford to all of the time. She called me up a few days ago and wanted to go out of town this weekend, just a couple single gals out to have a good time in a new city and all. It sounds fun enough and I totally would be up for it if I was not so broke. I told her that I just paid a bunch of bills and I am flat busted and that this weekend is a no go for me. She seemed to understand and said no hard feelings maybe we can go another time. Then (2 days later mind you) she calls me up and wants to eat out. What part of "I'm Broke" does she not get? I hate telling her no all the time but I just can't afford it and I would feel terrible if I had to sponge off her the whole evening. What can I say to her to get this message through to her? I'm totally trying to hold my cool with her and not get angry but she just doesn't seem to get it that I have no money to go out. I've invited her to my place for movies and just hanging out, but she isn't interested. What can I say to her that won't hurt her feelings? I really like hanging out with her...she is really fun. I just can't afford to go out every night.

Answer 1

If you tell her enough, she will finally get it. Some people are slow. Thats what makes them fun. lol. Tell her to hang at your house and to get a movie on her way over.

Answer 2

She's not interested in your proposals so why sweat it?  You can't afford it and actually you don't owe her any explanation.  Sounds like she is trying to be more in control over your life than you are.  She sounds rather controlling to me; and I feel she knows exactly what she's doing in dealing with you.  She might be fun, but you already told her your finances are limited, so why is she sweating it?  I think she's fishing around for where you are financially and socially.  But it's none of her business.  Watch your step with this one.

Answer 3

Say This:

"Pay me back or I'll break your kneecaps".

That's pretty freakin' clear.

Answer 4

It's always tough to say no to someone you like.  But, from what you say, you have no choice but to say no to her for anything but an inexpensive or free activity.

Have you told her that you like her, but that you just cannot afford to go do all the things that cost money?  And with that, have you asked her if she could think of something that the both of you could do that doesn't cost anything to see if you can get her on your side of the tug of war?

Even after you get more money, you still can't afford what she suggests, because you still need to live on what you have left over after paying your bills and not just spend it and hope you survive until the next payday.  If you can afford to set some money aside even for one activity with her, and if you really want to do that, then you could suggest that you could afford to do such-and-such with her after you get your next paycheck in 2 weeks or whenever it is, but in the meantime, you just have no money for it.

If you can't set any money aside, then you have the choice of either convincing her that you really can't afford to hang out with her, regardless of how much you like her, or that you can hang out with her, but only if you two can find activities that don't cost anything.

Bottom line: You might have to look around for a different friend who can enjoy going for an ice cream cone instead of needing always to go to the banquet at the Ritz.

Good luck with it.

Answer 5

Try responding with a concrete time for when you can go out with her & spend money.

Have a look at your budget & even if it takes two weeks to allocate X amount of dollars stick to that. So when you speak to her it's kind like planning a date.

I'd try saying something like "hey I've only next week-end free do you still want to head out of town?"

In the future when she asks you about doing stuff that involves money , just reply with 'sorry I can't' & move on the conversation.  

Answer 6

well just tell her a good date that you'lll be a little moreflexiblee but tell her that u Cann go out but no were expensive because you cant afford it and y dont u call her and ask her if she wants 2 go out instead of her always asking u  wene evr u can o out say " im soo mad i reaaaaaalyy wana go but i wont be det free for at least---" maybe after that we can go out" im sorry if that dosnt help but best of luck 2 u

Answer 7

I would try to explain it in the way you just explained yourself.

Your friend seems a bit needy to me, correct me if I'm wrong.

I'm one of those friends who may be a bit too altruistic with money and other people (apparently extra-familial relations at that...) The only time I went to the mall with a friend, I ended up spending most of my cash on her and her friend. They never paid me back...

Answer 8

tell her if she pays ur game otherwise its a no go

Answer 9

If her feelings aren't hurt from turning her down over and over, then don't sweat it. Keep offering her cheap alternatives and when you do have a little extra cash call her up and ask her out. Sometimes those without money concerns just don't get it. So don't bother trying to make it clear. Just maintain and look for ways to spend time with her on the cheap. Free concerts, Matinee movies, the beach, etc.

Answer 10

Tell her you're broke, and that when you've got some extra cash to go out that you will call her.

Answer 11

say exactly this, but address it to her. I found it nice, and kind. and I definitely understood the point.

Answer 12

Just say if your buying I'm in.  

Answer 13

I'm sorry I really can't go I'm going through a financial rough patch and can't afford to go to places like the movies, bars , restaurants, shopping etc. So unless it's like hang out at eachother's place I'm sorry but I can't go! I hope this doesn't ruin our friendship.

Answer 14

this was really nicely put!!! tell her what you said here, that you really really like her and that she's fun, but that you're broke and can't afford to go out. but you would love to hang out with her, so that you can hang out at your house. everything you said in the description was perfect, just tell her and make sure that you tell her that you really like her and that she's really fun

Answer 15

Tell her that you have a budget you need to live by and unfortunately you have spent all the money you can afford to until you get paid again. Then tell her as much as you'd like to do all of the things she does when she wants to do them, you just can't afford that type of lifestyle very often. Tell her it has nothing to do with not wanting to hang out with her, you just don't have the money most times and don't believe in going into debt just to party.

Answer 16

you must be firm with these types of people. they are in their own world so may have forgetten your broke.

Unless she agrees to pay upfront.