What can I say to my cousin to encourage her?

Question

She is just going through a divorce and trying to be as mature as she possibly can about it allowing her husband to see their daughter frequently. She loves her daughter deeply and it pains her so much when he taunts her when he has the kid and she doesn't. I want to say something to make her feel better, or at least not awkwardly say nothing when I'm talking to her. She lives in another state so I can only really talk to her over the phone. I just feel like I'm being absolutely worthless when I try to talk to har because I can't think of anything to say

Answer 1

Have her focus on "the long term pay-off".  That the long term pay-off will come in the form of her relationship w/ her daughter.  Kids are smart [YOU are, right?]  They figure things out & they figure out things like what feels right & what doesn't; what behavior is kind & what is not.  Remind her to ALWAYS stay on the "high road".  And that is to NEVER, EVER bad-mouth her Ex [her daughter's Dad] to her daughter OR in the presence of her daughter, no mater WHAT age her daughter is.  If she does, it will DEFINATELY come back to bite her, maybe 20 years from now, who knows.  Stay on the "kindness" path.  And when she does, praise goes a long way.

To stay on the high road, is a very difficult task!  But the payoff is GREAT!

And lastly, unless there is true abuse going on, never, EVER keep daughter from seeing her only Dad, no matter WHAT your cousin thinks of him.  Her conflict w/ her Ex is theirs & theirs alone.  It never has any connection to daughter.