What can a woman do who's being beaten up by an ex regularly?

Question

She says she can't stop him because "he has a high position which protects him".

---->I want to tell her to have him arrested and GO TO THE PRESS.

This man just goes to her place once in a while and hospitalizes her, without worry.

She also feels that there isnt anywhere far enough away, that he wouldn't just follow her.

--->I want to tell her that if Daddy beat her, there are subconscious reasons she let herself get involved with a husband who would too. ...that this is something which requires a bit of counselling (therapy). And so maybe the beleif that she's "powerless" and "has to live with it" is JUST FALSE.

She needs to escape it.

AND him.

I want to tell her

-that there are laws to jail him,

laws that will permanently make it an instant 2 year jail term if he ever gets within a thousand feet of her again.

-and that there are PROGRAMS that will relocate her safely.

-----that she does not "have to ' live this way.

I want her to act on this.

Answer 1

In the US there are Domestic Violence Coordinating Councils in almost every state.    They do act - they have the contacts.  Most ER personnel have been trained to offer assistance - they recognize DV injuries.  

She needs to get all of her hospital records and use them to get a protection order.   Her home needs to be wired with security cameras.   If he then comes over she has it on film.     There is a lot she can do......

Answer 2

The wronged woman seeking redress at the door of the press is required to shed her dignity, privacy and her rights even further. The media is a cesspit of political spinning, and I have yet to witness any decent, respectable person gain from an appearance within its den of iniquity.

There are wars, murder, oppression, rape and horrific crimes against humanity that the media are aware of but do not report. In each instance of an assailant attacking, trespassing, invading or abusing e helpless race, religion, person at their mercy, there are interests to be served, the will of higher power driving the assailant in his barbarism.

The media is servile to its paymasters and dances to the tune and sings the songs of those who feed and assist in the maintaining of its formidable power. It is tool of destruction utilised by the rich to destroy those who seek to cross them.

Abusive women can escape abusers, court injunctions are easy to obtain. However if the great and all seeing Jackal is against you, then an abused, oppressed, tormented, vilified, desecrated individual can haemorrhage regularly and publicly and there is not one who can step forward to assist for fear of destruction by the prevailing forces.

Answer 3

Amazing how people of the technology and police state world do not know how to use either.

Ignorant hicks

Answer 4

The police will not protect him but will protect her.  If, by some chance, they refuse to act, she should call the sheriff and, if they refuse to act, call the county attorney.  She'll get action.

  It's not the authorities that keep her from acting, it's her mind set.

Answer 5

There's only one element missing from this scenario.  She has to WANT to walk away, and it doesn't sound like that's true here.  As you rightly point out, she's got issues, but it's like any other addiction (and yes, you can be addicted to something horrible - just look at drug users, after all) - you HAVE to want to quit.  

A woman who doesn't KNOW any other life and is comfortable in her misery won't walk away without a LOT of help.  That may sound self-evident, but just because something is self-evident doesn't mean it's easy.  

You're right, that she's almost certainly going to have to get into therapy; the trick there being that she has to want THAT too.  At this point, the vast majority of what you can do is stand by her, support her unconditionally, and voice your concern for her welfare.  Ultimately, however, you cannot decide for her; SHE must make the decision to seek help.

Good luck.

Answer 6

I would call the police--NOW.  There's no law that says someone in some high position can beat up someone.  He's no better than anyone else and SHOULD and CAN be jailed.  And if she goes somewhere and he follows or comes back, he can get arrested for stalking if he keeps it up.  Call the police!!!!!!

Answer 7

I don't know what country you live in, but there are ways to seek help. One is through a battered woman's shelter, Domestic violence organizations.

The most important thing for you to realize is; she has to be so fed up that she will act, over the fear that is within her.  Nothing you can do will bring her to see this.  She must see this on her own.  It is most unfortunate that she is reeling you in on 'her' problems.  You must stay on the outside of this, or your life could also be in danger.  Realize that this is "her" problem.  If she is not willing to do something about it, you have to let her go.  You can be there for her in support, but you must not go to her and get involved any further.  

  What would happen if he should come over, when you are there?   This would infuriate him further.  He could very easily  kill the both of you. Are you ready to die for this woman?

Seriously, some people who know they are on their way down, will take anyone else with them who is willing.

And last but not least; pray.  Pray with her, for her, for yourself.

God does hear us and He can open a door that will set her free.  God is in control, always.  And, there is 'power in prayer'!

Answer 8

Read what you just wrote:

"I want her to act on this".

YOU want ...

Think about that, and then read on if you want to ...

One of the things that often happens in a domestic violence situation is that the abuser convinces the spouse that they have special powers and that people in authority will not support the abused partner if they come forward.

Many years ago I knew of a case where one spouse was a police officer. The cop and the cop's father convinced the battered spouse that going to the authorities would be useless because they "had friends in high places".

The battered spouse also believed that the abuser would gain custody of the children and had been told that, if that was the case, the children would be made to suffer.

Imagine the effort of will on the part of that person to seek help ... all the time truly believing their own life and the lives of their children were at risk.

All eneded well in that story because the abuser's "friends in high places" were as disgusted as everyone else by the abuse and threats, and the person received a dressing down in the court which opened the abused spouse's eyes to the lies they had been told.

BUT, in other cases when people try to break away, the results are tragic. The first link I've provided below is the latest example of a situation which occurs almost 300 times a year in Australia ~ the abusive spouse kills themselves and the children when their 'punch bag' walks away. Many of these people are serial @rseholes.

Your friend probably knows all these types of facts and is justifiably scared.

To begin a healing process, she could contact an organisation which offers practical support and encouragement to abuse victims. The second link below will connect her to an organisation in her own local area. These organisations are often staffed by people who know what your friend is experiencing and can talk at the same level with real knowledge.

There is a process that has proven effective in these things, and very often starting with the police is not the most practical thing to do.

Encourage your friend to talk her situation through, and stop pushing her to do what you feel is best. I realise you are doing your best in a rough situation, but to her it may very well seem as though you are pushing and bullying her ~ and after all, isn't that just what this other person is doing?

She will have to figure this one out for herself ~ you can support her by encouraging her to talk to people who know what she is going through, by giving her credit for knowing what her own life consists of and by respecting her decisions without colluding with her in remaining where she is.

Best wishes and good luck :-)

Answer 9

What you can do, is take her to the local police department and have her file a report. Tell her that she needs to request to (if I'm not mistaken) make a motion to file (or invoke, I hope I'm right) a restraining order against him. She should take all of her medical records and documentation (x-rays, cat scans, a written statement from the physician that attended her), hospital bills, time she's had to miss work from for recuperation, everything and add that to her report, get a lawyer and take him to court.

She has to understand that she's got to make him understand that it's not cool to beat on anyone for the fun of it (regardless of s*x). But no matter what we say, or what advice you give, she's got to willing to do this for herself. No one can make her do anything she doesn't want to do. So if she does enjoy being beat by this man then there is some serious mental issues that need to be addressed with the help of a professional. Once she's able to face the problems of her past, she can start dealing with the current problems in the hear and now (or her future).

We all know she doesn't have to live this way, but I don't think she quite understands that yet. And you'll be surprised the number of men and women who haven't. You can want with every fiber of your being to help some one help themselves, but if they don't want to do it, there's nothing you can do for them.

Answer 10

Video tape it. Be there when it happens. Have several people there but hiding until he starts. tape the whole thing and show how you all beat his @ss to defend her. Take it to the police. Make copies. Then have her take him to court and testify how it happens again and again . Tell her she needs to get a restraining order on him.

I am only saying this because what I would really do is something I cannot tell someone else to do with a good conscience. Which is beat him to death.

But like I said follow the first part of my advise But read between the lines .

No she will not see any prison time for killing in self defense.

Video tape it for proof. and have witnesses.

Answer 11

If she's too much of an idiot not to know what to do, then there's nothing you can do for her.  She's playing the victim role, and probably getting a lot of sympathy from you.  You are feeding her wants to be the victim and not helping at all.

If she were a smart woman, she would get him arrested and be done with him.  She's a foolhardy drama queen.

Answer 12

She can buy a gun, and next time he lays a hand on her, she can take care of the problem for good.

I'm not normally an advocate for violence, but in a case like this, she has every right.

The mother of a close friend of mine had an abusive husband once upon a time. He used to beat her up. One day, she was pregnant and he started in on her. He kept guns. Needless to say, one of his own guns ended her problems. She saw no jail time, it was clearly self-defense.

Edit: You don't say what country you are in. In the U.S., yes...you can shoot an intruder into your home with no fear of retribution, even if the individual entered just to rob. I hear in the U.K. and possibly the rest of Western Europe, you can be prosecuted for harming an intruder, which is a bit messed up, if I may say so.