What can be done in this situation?

Question

My fiance's sister has 3 kids that range from ages 4-10.They are all from different fathers & she is still married to the father of the youngest one but they are no longer together. He moved to another state & as far as I know he calls to talk to the kids from time to time, (he considers all of them as his kids). The other children's fathers she knows nothing about.Anyways, she is now living with some low-life that she is dating. Neither of them are working at the time.She has been going out dancing like every weekend. From what I've heard she has left them home alone on some occasions, just recently she left them under the supervision of her 19 yr. old brother who went and got drunk with the neighbors while the children were home alone. My fiance went over there to find them home alone & with open beer bottles all over. We have not reported this to CPS because my sister-in-law is here illegally & so is her daughter, (the 10 yr. old) We are trying to find out how we can adopt these kids but she will refuse to hand over her rights. So that is why I am here looking for advice as to what we can do. I called to get info from the adoption department here but still have not heard back from them. I do not wish to have my sister-in-law arrested or anything. We just care about the kids. So we want to find a way to take them from her, I could care less what she chooses to do with herself once the kids are no longer with her. Like I said I do not want to risk having her daughter be deported so that is why I am afraid to report this. I am looking for help by posting this so don't waste my time with rude smart aleck comments.

Answer 1

The safety and welfare of these children must come first.  If you fiance's sister will not let you take guardianship of her children while she straightens herself up, you must call CPS.  Also talk to an immigration services organization.

Answer 2

Hi I have been a foster parent for medically fragile foster children for  years, I completely understand your situation and your frustration. First of all, because you are semi-family related you can obtain guardianship through the CPS. Believe me, I know how frustrating dealing with the social services and CPS departments can be. My recommendation to you is to talk to the managers and the supervisors.

As far as deportation, I have cared for many foster children within the state of California. both parents were illegal aliens and have created hideous abusive atrocities on their children.  And are still not incarcerated or deported !!!  ( its been years)   Oh well knock me off my soapbox.

Please go to my website and hit " links" I have many resources in there that may be valuable to you. http://angelsinwaitingUSA.org.

you may contact me via this website

or, call me at 909-336-3058

you are a perfect example why I chose this motto;

We are each of us Angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another ~ now go save  three childhoods

Answer 3

friend,  these children are not SAFE.  If we agree on that, then that is your motivation for what you need to do.

1.  Approach the mother.  Ask her to place the children under your GUARDIANSHIP and care.  An attorney or legal aid office can draw up the voluntary guardianship papers. Check out NOLO press for their guardianship book. Then the children can live with you and you can be responsible for their care.  This way she does not give up all her parental rights, and sometimes that fact alone convinces a parent to agree to guardianship.

2.  If she won't agree to guardianship, you are faced with a responsibility to report the case to Child Protective Services.  I would do it in person, not over the phone (they get LOTS of phone calls).  Please see that you are PROTECTING THE CHILDREN, not GETTING THE MOTHER IN TROUBLE. If the children are taken from her care by CPS, you can offer to be foster parents.  If the mother disappears or runs away,  her parental rights can be terminated and in time, you can be considered for adoptive parents for the children.

3.  Are there relatives or friends who can stand by your side when you talk with the mother about your concerns for the children's safety?  Are there folks besides you who see the situation, are worried, and might help you out as you try to make a good plan for the children.?

4.  Do nothing.  Worry constantly about the children. Endure the stress of wondering what will happen next.  When/if something bad does happen, spend the rest of your life wishing you had had the courage to speak up for the children and their right to a safe and caring and stable childhood.

I wish you well-- I know you are pained by what you know and feel torn inside wondering what to do...

Answer 4

This is very difficult.  Your first concern must be for the welfare of the children.  Please email, we can talk.  I've been where you are!

Sincerely,

Answer 5

Report them/deport them

America for Americans!  

Answer 6

If she's conscientiously securing baby-sitters while she goes out, then she is not at fault for the behaviour of one sitter, on one occasion if she trusted that person.  However, she should NEVER hire that person again.

My question is:  is she using partying to deal with depression?  If so, then she need a doctor and therapy.  

-- She is "hanging out with a lowlife" -- this is not child abuse.

-- Neither are working: if she cannot get daycare then really she has no choice but not to work, right?

-- Was there only one incident with the drunk 19 yr old and beer bottles being all over the place, or more than one?

I really doubt if she is going to trust you as you've indicated to her that you want her kids and "she's refused to sign over her rights."  

If you DO want to help her, rather than just help yourself to her children, then go to her and express your concerns (IF indeed they are reportable) and tell her that according to law you must report them BUT how would she, as their mother, like to see that happen.  Would she like to make the phonecall herself for help, or would she want the two of you to be there together, or would you be willing to take her to an appointment at your local family services office.

Do you really want to help this family, or just get her kids?  If the former, then there is lots you can do.   You could also help her find better childcare.

But poverty and having a boyfriend you don't like are not reportable offences.  

Answer 7

If that child isnt American then she needs to be deported, as well as her mama .

I'm sick of all these illegals living off my tax dollars !

Answer 8

How about just trying for legal guardianship??

These kids didn't ask to have a mother that is messed up.

They still will want to know her.

We can all have hope that she'll get her act together - and perhaps the possibility of losing her kids 'may' snap her out of it.

But don't make the kids suffer more by going as far as adoption.

Adoption often changes names - and original birth certificates get locked away in vaults forever.

Too often kids are taken far away from their first families - and not allowed to have any contact.

Kids need to know where they came from - who their parents are.

They may not be good parents - but kids still need some kind of contact - as long as no harm is involved.

Please look into other options.

These kids need your help - to come to an arrangement that can help everyone.

I wish you all the very best.