What can be said of this trial Dorsimbra attempt? ?

Question

I looked at the format and thought hmm ok maybe I'll have a go.

"Star Trekking Across the Universe"

By Jellz Fisher

Engaging in the voyage before us

Steps first taken into unknown places

Absorbing lightshow, black holes, full chorus

Sea of amazement, new sparkling faces

Meteoric metaphoric

Cosmic-celestial awe

Overwhelms us all

Times ceases

Senses enlivened, moving emotions

Onwards, forwards always, never go back

Universal travellers, kin spirits

Engaging in the voyage before us

Answer 1

My starships late arriving but I enjoyed reading your "Dorsimbra", I might even comment further once I learn what it is.

Answer 2

I like but if I am reading the form, the first stanza must be iambic pentameter.  Still, a nice read.

Answer 3

Good for you! You have the form down. Now, instead of telling us the voyage is metaphoric, show us. This first attempt is very good.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 4

I can make the first stanza go iambic...ab SOR bing...see...