What can i do 2 find closure???

Question

I had my king charles cavalier put to sleep on the 20th April 2008... Lady had a heart murmur for 3 years and she got to the point where she struggled to breath. we decided to have her put to sleep as she was really struggling to breath and her back legs went on her that very night....Lady was 8 years old. I'm still heart broken I cant get her out of my mind, I miss her sooo much, she was there through all my bad times and she was my baby, that until I had my first child, then she took a back step in my priorities, I feel sooo guilty about this. wish I knew how ill she really was and that I could have prepared my self for this. I now have a 18 week old puppy and shes brought some light back to be honest I think I jumped into buying her looking for a piece of Lady back. (stupid I know) they are nothing alike and my pup is very difficult, shes a Lhasa Apso and is very stubborn and willfull... We love her and hope she will eventually learn from me I am trying my best to teach her well but she seems to forget as soon as she has learn.. any advise on both topics will be gratefully received..

Answer 1

I certainly can empathize with you.  I had a cat for 17 years, and was very allergic to it.  I felt real bad when he died too and didn't see the warning signs until too late.  I feel bad that I didn't pay much attention to him when he was around.  However, I think that is just part of the grieving process.  You had to focus on your new born and first one no less.  As far as the training of the new dog goes, my husband swears by the the dog whisperer.  If you have cable he's on National Geographic.  His name is Cesar Milan.  He has used his techniques on our dog, which we got one month after my cat died.  The dog was a rescue dog.  Also another show to watch is Me or the Dog.  I can't believe how well our dog behaves.  Hope I helped.

Answer 2

R bless after watching the programme on bbc re pedigree dogs I've been thinking a lot more about my girls mortality -

Even though shes a mix (lac/golden retriever).

Tips on training a willful (sometimes seeming stupid pup) is basically keep at it - theres times when you feel like screaming with puddles on the floor and chewed shoes and stepping outside the back door to realise the new potted plants you've bought from B&Q have been completely destroyed (near enough 100 quids worth in our case)

After 2 years we've turned a corner - with treats, clickers whistles and as my husband says a big gob we  can now enjoy spending time with her rather than worrying about what shes nicked. Although I do still find the odd shoe in her bed!

The new pup will never replace the old one - we get attached to dogs more so I think than othe animals and they each have their own personalitys from breed to breed and from dog to dog. you just have to figure out what works for your dog

You'll get there

Answer 3

Give your heart to a dog and you have 8 to 16 years of loving memories that last a life time. Nothing will replace those memories. All you can do is go forward and gain more loving memories - of another dog. I have fond memories of each pet I have outlived. The pain of the loss is a bittersweet reminder of the love I had for them. I would never give up the pain for the joys they wrought.

Lhasa Apso is not the smartest breed of dog. They are loving but tend not to be really teachable - not like many terriers and other working dogs. They were bred to l**k feet and warm laps. Love 'em or Leave 'em.  

Answer 4

you will probably never get over it, but you will learn to live with it,

cavaliers have such a special charm, and they are like babies until you have children, mine are, really special little dogs, only those who have met one know what i mean.

which is why its such a shame were this breed looks like its heading.

enjoy your new dog, and your family, and look back with a smile on the happy times you gave your cav, and she gave you.

Answer 5

You have already begun closure by buying the puppy.

Please don't feel guilty when you put her into the background because of the baby. Anyone would do this. Lady would have understood, they pick up vibes, she would have felt love.

The puppy will seem like hard work after a sick dog. Don't worry the puppy stage soon ends. Keep persevering.

Answer 6

It Is very normal the way you are feeling I have been the same way we lost a puppy Sep of last year and It has been very hard for me as well as my family i gave the puppy to my sister as a gift when the puppy was 5 weeks old a few months after that my sister went away for summer 1 month after she came home the puppy was killer by a hit and run driver and she has not been the same since It has happend my mom did the same thing and went out and got another dog to try and comfort my sister It has for the most part but a new pet can never replace that of one that some one has had for years It will take time to get over It even years some times It does take a long time  

Answer 7

First of all, I'm very sorry for your loss. It's never easy when that time comes to put down a beloved pet.  You have to stop blaming yourself though.  Having her put to sleep was probably the kindest thing that you could do for her.    If you hadn't, she would only ave gotten worse with every passing day, and all you would have done is prolonged her suffering.

Lady is in a better place now and is waiting for you at The Rainbow Bridge where you will see her again one day. I'm going to dd some links for the Rainbow Bridge and for pet loss and hope that you will find comfort in the links.

As for your new dog, I can understand why you were looking to get back  a piece of Lady.  Don't feel bad about that  either.  You learned the hard way that another dog will never replace Lady.   Lady will always hold a special place in your heart and there is room there for your new dog, as well.  You already know that one is not the other, nor should they be compared to one another.  

Love your new dog all you can and please try not to compare her to Lady.  I think that she's giving you a hard time because she  senses something  isn't quite right.    You have to remember to be consistent and you have to remember that she's still a baby herself and no two dogs learn at the same pace.  Be consist when training her and reward her with treats and positive reinforcement.

Once again, my sincere condolences.  May Rest In Peace knowing how much she was and will always be loved.

Last, but not least, good luck with the new baby, and remember that she's just a baby, so be patient and don't give up.

Answer 8

Be thankful for the gift of her presence in your life and heart.  You were blessed.  Know also that she was blessed to have your love and care.  Take those blessings and apply what you have learned to your new Lhasa pup.  .... and when you think of Lady ~  don't cry.  Smile. and let your heart be filled with the warmth that her presence created.  

Your new Llasa can smell Lady, and sense your feelings of sadness and loss, as well as your reluctance to love her completely.  You are not cheating on Lady by loving another dog.  You are doing her (Lady) a great honor, by sharing your heart and what she taught you, with another.  She (Lhasa) will respond to you more, when she senses your balanced and unrestricted love and acceptance of her.  

Answer 9

I'm so sorry for your loss.  You'll always miss her because you loved her and she loved you!  Losing a pet is one of the hardest things ever because they are both family and friend, and because you were responsible for her life and well-being.  But you are in NO WAY responsible for the illness that caused her death!  Illness can take over a dog's body so much faster than a human.  There is rarely any time to prepare.  But it sounds to me like you were an ideal owner: loving and humane.  You put her comfort above your own desires to keep her.  In your heart I'm sure you know this to be true.  

I lost my cocker spaniel 2 years ago to cancer.  He was in pain and after exercising all other options, I had to put him down.  It still hurts terribly but time has helped a lot.  And I too have a new (crazy) dog.  He'll never replace my first little couch potato, but I love him more each day.  Your puppy may be wild and silly right now, hardly a replacement for a longterm BBF, but as she grows and learns, with a little luck she may someday fill Lady's shoes :)

A few things that I did to make myself feel better...

1. I make small donations, on occasion, to the ASPCA and Cocker Spaniel rescue, in my dog's name.  This helps so much!  

2. When the time was right, I adopted a new dog.

3. I hung a picture of my dog, smiling and having a blast.  (Just one!  No shrines!)  When I see it, I think of the good times.

4. In moments of depression, I asked myself: Was Jax (my dog) better off with me?  Did I enrich his life?  And did he enrich mine?  

Of course, my answer to all of these questions is YES!  After he died I blamed myself for not detecting his illness sooner.  I beat myself up over not taking him to the park more often, and that sort of thing.  But these are signs of a loving parent and friend!  There is no need for a guilty conscience.  You are clearly a nurturer.  You care for your babies, human and canine.  Like a first born child, Lady had to welcome the new baby and take a step out of the spotlight.  I'm sure she understood.  She was lucky to have you!  I wish you and your new babies all the best!  

Answer 10

i am so sorry for your loss,i had a little yorkie  called Button,he was 8 years old with a bad heart,i took him to the vet and they kept him in to monitor him and he had a heart attack in  the night,i never got to say goodbye to him,i  was unable to do anything but cry for weeks.i put my grief on q/a just like you and i got some lovely replies.the one that helped me is this,Lady loved you and had a happy if short life,she would hate to see you sad ,try to think of the happy times and give your love to your new little furbaby and remember she has her own personality just as Lady had.it has been 5 month since i lost my baby Buttonand i am crying now as i type,i have Scamp now who is 6 month old,he will not replace my Button but i will give my love cos i know i will always have a special place in my heart that was for Button God bless