What can i do? Please help me!

Question

Im 17 years old and i live at home with my mum, nanna and grandad (my mums parents). My dad died when i was a baby and i am disabled so me and my mum have always lived with her parents. My mum is in her 40's, my nanna in her late 60's and grandad is in his early 70's. From as early as i can remember my mum has never really got on with her parents and as i have got older this has got much worse, its so bad that my mum and nanna have a few small arguments each day and then every so often they will BLOW and have a massive argument. It makes me feel really uncomfortable because i live in the middle of it, the only place i can escape is in my bedroom (which is built on to the livingroom) so even there i do not get to really escape from it. I have found myself spending more and more time in my bedroom on the PC because i am scared of getting dragged into one of their arguments (which usually happens, they use me as a weapon to shoot eachother with). I am actually scared to speak sometimes because i am scared that even if i comment on something really simple, i may say something which will cause a row. I know that deep down my mum and nanna do love eachother but they NEVER show it. An example of what happens is if my mum gives me a kiss, my nanna will say something like oh stop treating her like a baby, and if my nanna gives me a kiss my mum will say your too fussy! Tonight they had a blazing row, but i could sense it was going to happen so i was already on my PC but i could still hear everything what was said. What happened was, my mum is having a friend around tonight who she got in touch with on friends reunited and they have not seen eachother since school, my mum went upstairs and brought down a photo album with photo's in from years ago when they went to school, but i think it also has pictures of my dad in, my mum was just looking at the pictures and getting the ones of her and her friend together for when she comes later and my nanna started looking at the pictures, she then took them in to my grandad eventhough my mum had asked her not to because they were private and they then started arguing, my nanna said that they are not even her pictures anyway because she didnt take them, so my nanna was claiming them as hers. I was lucky to be out of the way for this argument but i am not always so lucky, when i do get dragged into an argument i do usually take my mums side because i feel that it is natural and also because it seems like everybody else is against her. I know how my mum must feel because she looks after me 24/7 and does everything for me and is usually with me 24/7 unless i am at college or if she goes out maybe 1 night every month for 3-4 hours and then she has to put up with all the arguments at home. We can't really move out because our house is adapted and this would probably upset my grandparents even more, even though they do always threaten to move out. What can i do? I cant talk to my grandparents because they will just go mad at my mum and the only person i can talk openly with is my mum and she will just throw it out in another argument in the future! Me, my mum and nanna go to bingo every saturday and its going to be so uncomfortable tomorrow because my mum told my nanna before that she can get the f****ng bus and i really dont want to go now because if they argue it will be really embarrassing! Also im worried that they will argue when my mums friend comes around! What can i do!? Please help me!

Answer 1

its a sad letter, and l feel sorry for you being in the middle of these arguments, if your mother will not move out to a place for you and her to live, (the  DHSS  and local council will help with your disability ) then theres not much anyone can do.

The fact that you are all under each others feet so to speak never helps you are always going to get on each others nerves from time to time, sorry l have not been much help good luck........J

Answer 2

Nikki and allan

u dont have be rude and where did it say that she had a baby?

i would suggest that before your mom's friend comes over you take your mom and ur grandma aside a say "please stop arguing for my sake it really is very stressfull" and stuff like that

Answer 3

First off I would go to my doctor and have a word with them.  Speaking to someone who is not involved in the situation is the best thing.  They arent just giving you their opinions (like on here, not that its a bad thing) This is clearly really affecting you and if your not careful the longer this goes on the more it will, perhaps to the point where it will affect your mental health...if its not already.

This place is meant to be your home which should be a place of sanctuary!

If you live in the UK I would speak with your GP get it all noted down.  I would then speak to your mum.  Explain all of this to her.  You should then go to your local council and register.  They have lots of houses that are adapted for disabled people.  This might be not be straight away but it would be worth the wait.  If your mum isnt willing then you should do it on your own.  I mean you said your mum cares for you 24/7 if she doesnt want to move then you could have carers? (dont know how you would feel about that) But Social Services should also be able to help you, provide some help.  

The way you have described things sounds horrible and you really need to move away from that atmosphere.  I know they are all family but I couldnt handle living with my mum, nana and grandad even as much as I love them :)  

Answer 4

You need to tell your Mum and Nanna that the constant arguing upsets you. Can't you try and talk to your Grandad?

And try not to take sides....say you aren't going to get involved.

Hope this helps!

Answer 5

if you are in the uk i would start discussing with social services about

getting you your own place which they will adapt. explain to them

the problems at home and how its affecting you. can you go out on

your own - if so go out a bit more .

the problem is 3 generations under one roof doesn't work.

as for the bingo - don't go - tell both of them they are as bad as each

other making you upset and you are not joining in the arguments,and

try and spend more time with people you own age.

good luck.

be strong

Answer 6

well if you and your mum cant find any way of moving, then it will probably never stop.

seems like a way of life 4 them, will be hard to change that pattern.

i would talk to your mum about moving.

Answer 7

Are you serious - do you really think i'm gonna read that..

Simple tip - short is better!

Answer 8

You were adult enough to have a baby, now be old enough to get a place of your own and be a mum rather than relying on others.