What can i do about my 10 year old sons attitude at school?

Question

I have a 10 year old son and he is constantly getting in trouble at school. He comes home and lies to me about it all the time. His attitude has gotten worse in the last few months and i don't know what to do. I have grounded him, yelled at him, taken things away and nothing seems to affect him. What do i do???

Answer 1

When children act out, there is usually an underlying issue that causes them to 'communicate' in the only way that gets them any attention.

Have there been changes in your home environment lately? Divorce, marriage, new baby, recent move, etc.?

Does your son have any health issues that haven't been resolved with the aid of competent medical authority? ADD, ADHD, Hyperactivity disorder, etc.

Has he been checked for vision problems or hearing problems? Children who can't see the board or clearly hear the teacher's instructions often act out because they can't participate successfully in the room.

Have you gone to the school to watch your son's interactions through the day without him knowing you are going to visit the school? Watch for a while and make some notes then come into the room so he can SEE that you have caught him in his inappropriate behavior.

Perhaps he is socializing with children who are aggresive or he is being bullied.

Until  you have more information about what is happening in the classroom (without his input), you can't make any decisions that will help him.

I would advise you to do a few things to help this situation:

(1) Make an appointment with his teacher and discuss what he/she is seeing your child do each day.

(2) Ask for permission to come and observe without your child knowing that you will be coming so that you can see how he behaves for yourself.

(3) Examine the conditions within your home to see if stress factors are contributing to his actions and take steps to smooth out any issues at home that may be creating a vicious circle of bad behavior.

(4) Examine your own conduct as well. Does your child hear you lie to get out of uncomfortable circumstances? Do  you justify your own behaviors rather than correcting them?

Not trying to be nasty, just trying to help. Sometimes we forget that kids see things that we as adults tend to gloss over in our own choices.

If these steps do not help, PLEASE see a family counselor who can talk with you and your son both privately and together to help make some concrete decisions that can help change his behaviors and attitudes.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Forget about punishment....

Reward him for good behavior and ignore the bad.

You get more flies with honey...

Answer 3

tell your husband to beat the S**t outta him..........maybe he needs to be smacked into reality and show whos boss.

Answer 4

You and his teacher should be coming up with a plan of action together.

It's all good and well to talk to him about it, but the second you're not around he will forget what you've told him and start playing up again.

This may sound like an odd question, but - is he an only child?  Or is he the youngest?  I ask this because some of the time, acting up in class is a plea for attention.  

Also, some kids act up because they are not being stimulated enough.  He may well be highly intelligent, and therefore he is getting bored.  

The only other thing I can think of is that he may have a fear of failure, therefore, he doesn't try at school for fear of not being able to do the work.

The teacher should be instilling in her kids that class time is for learning and play time is for socialising.  She may be trying to do this, but she's going to have to come up with some more effective ways.

Make an appointment with his teacher to sit down and strategise over how you're both going to work at this problem together.

Best of luck, it's a difficult situation, but it can be overcome.

Answer 5

Juvenile Jail. That'll teach him.

Answer 6

Honestly I was as lost as you were at first.  My son who is 9 has recently been diagnosed with a form of ADHD.  Not one that requires medication but does seek therapy.  My son was always in trouble and lieing and doing things that seemed impulsive.  I took him to our family docotor and now after three months of therapy he is not getting in trouble in school and he does not lie to me or anyone.  I know it seems strange to take a young boy to therapy but I am a true believer and it worked for him.  I just suggest you try it, Talk to your family docotor about it.

Answer 7

Has there been any change in his life?  Usually kids start acting up for a REASON.  Is something going on at school you don't know about?

Answer 8

there is a few things you could do that would make his life not so great, but in the end make it way better and give him respect for you.

1. threaten to take away his favorite dessert like the cake after his dinner or that extra bag of chips you throw in his lunch and instead replace it with an apple or orange (kids hate that)

2. make him go to be early whenever he does somthing bad

3.dont let him watch tv, go outside, or go on the computer

4.dont let him talk on the phone AT ALL

5. and remember when he does somthing right tell him how proud you are of him and if he keeps it up take him to an amusment park or somthing also always remind him that you punish him because you love him

good luck :]

Answer 9

OMG some of this advice is frightening. Does his dad live in the home or is he in the picture? If so, have him take him to the batting cages, or bowling, spend some time together, and talk, find out what's going on. If dad's not around, then it's up to you to do that. Stop Yelling at him - I can tell you from experience that doing that doesn't and won't ever work. Counseling right now would be good, find one that would be a good fit for your son, it's not one size fits all. someone he can trust and will give him the chance to open up and you mom, must go and learn about tough love and seek out anything you can on how to help your son. This may be a phase or may be the start of something serious. Either way, after raising my 18yo daughter who was h**l on wheels, I can tell you be strong, be firm, always love him no matter what but seek out whatever help he'll need.

Answer 10

I think that one of the reason he continues to act up is because he knows he can get away with it.  You need to stand your ground and while living in your house he needs to follow your rules.  Removing items that he enjoys is a great way if he continues to do so still dont give it to him.  Eventually he will get bored and want it back.  Explain to him the reason why you are punishing him and when those restrictions will be remove and under what condition.

Don't let him watch TV

Make him read a book

Watch him all the time

Don't allowed for him to give you tantrums in public or at home.

Remove any kind of Electronics / games

Have him help you around the house wash dishes, etc

By removing object or events that give him pleasure it teaches him that a good act comes with a good reward a negative action comes with negative consequences.  For every action there is a consequence therefore he needs to modify his actions to get his reward.

You need to stand your ground you are the mother not him.  

PS. Hitting is no good for a child.

Answer 11

You can take everything away from him, but does that teach him anything? You need to talk to him and ask him questions. Tell him how important he is and that you're proud of him. Discourage him from acting up. Stay calm when you talk to him.