What can i do if my child has no friends and is very unpopular?

Question

i don`t know why all the other kids dislike my son so much. nobody will play with him, sit near him or be in any kind of social group with him, which makes me very sad. he is excluded from everything the other kids do. i can`t understand why. after all, he is only a fourth grader at elementary school. he looks fine. his family is similar to the other children`s. he is nice, kind, friendly and warm. the marks he receives at school are also quite good. i have no clues on how to help him. i could do anything to make things better for him. please help.

Answer 1

I'm turning 17 in a few months and I was exactly like him back in primary. It is only up to recently I had made friends after all that time and I realised the friends you make don't necessarily have to be ones from school - it can be friends though your relatives or family friends.

If you want him to try making friends at school, it is better if he attends school events such as camps or other activities. This will put everyone in a different environment, outside and away from school where people express who they really are as not all really do in school. They will get to know each other more and this will be carried over back in school.

Is he shy? Shyness is something that will be overcame when he's ready. I was very shy back in primary and I've only changed a lot this year. Comfort zones are something that is weird in some ways - they are broken unexpectedly and when the time is right, your son should be more open. Sometimes, it isn't the people around him who reject him but him who fails to express himself which results in people not hanging with him as they don't know him.

You may want to have a chat with his teacher who may try to make him sit next to someone who sets a good example and continue on from there.

Finally, he does not have to have many friends to be 'popular'. For friends, all you need is one if you have made a great one. Having friends who don't make the best of decisions can impact on the individual negatively. Setting a good example at school, doing the work and displaying leadership can also make him 'popular'.

I wish you and your son the best of luck.

(:

Answer 2

talk to the teachers

Answer 3

Well you could make a suprise visit don't let him know you were  there. If they're just ignoreing him then you could put him in a afterschool program. Just make sure not to bud in so much. Like don't go in the classroom and make a comment about it however you could say something to the teacher like at a conference. Make sure he not there when say something. Until then comfort him and tell him you love him a lot. Also you see if there's a kid  you know on your street or block.Just let him know a lot of people including you and his family cares about him a lot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

Make sure that he is well dressed and clean when he goes to school.  Kids this age can be cruel.  It is possible that he is so shy at school hat he doesn't talk to any one.  This is my daughters problem.  I enrolled my daughter in Karate.  Karate not only gives her the ability to defend herself in case of bullying, but it also teaches her self esteem, self confidence and self control.  I feel with karate that no one can take it away from her.  It is hers.  With karate she doesn't have to face the disappointment of not making the team or getting picked last.  It is hers, and hers alone.  Also, you should probably ask your son why he thinks no one likes him, or what the other kids say to him,  he probably knows what the reason is.  If he says he doesn't know why, make an appointment with his teachers, and a school counselor to find out what is going on.

Answer 5

Aw, that really sucks. :( It must be sad to watch your kid be excluded from other kids. First, though, make sure you know exactly what happens at school, and how he responds to other kids. Arrange a meeting with his teacher and him, and talk about what he does at school. Have a talk with him personally, and ask many questions. Otherwise, if nothing else has worked, and you have no clue why your son has no friends, then maybe you could move him to a nearby school? As long as he's friendly and helpful with other kids, there's not much about him to dislike, is there?  

Answer 6

well he needs to get into sports  

Answer 7

You could talk to his teacher at school.

They may be able to suggest ways your son can become more involved with other children in the class, and ways to encourage other children to be more involved with him.

Or perhaps you could invite a small group from his class home one day. Or involve your son in some after school activities after school where he might have an opportunity to make friends.

Answer 8

You could try asking his teacher to be really honest with you about what she thinks the problem might be. Sometimes this state of affairs comes about because the child having been ignored, loses confidence and that communicates itself clearly to the other children, who are incredibly quick to pick up on anything like that. Can you take him to places which are inclusive and where he doesn't know anyone, so that he can start to mix with other children in a "common cause", maybe some special interest group? (If he is interested in kite-flying or model boats or whatever HE likes  it could be a start of him feeling relaxed around other kids). Consult him about what he is interested in. Good luck, it is heart breaking for a parent to see a child miserable, I know, but it can change with a little planning.

Answer 9

I think that you should have a talk with teacher as everyone else has said to see what could be the problem and ask them to aid him in making friends.  I also think that you should put him in some type of club or sport so that he can make friends.  The problem may be that although he goes to school with these kids he may not actually have to interact with them very much and that could be the problem.  When you play sports or are on some type of team you have to interact and get to know the people that are on your team because you fight and play as one.  I think that he just needs a boost and bonding with people his age which you can only get from people who share the same interest as you and then he will be more confident to talk to other people.  Another way you can get involved and help your son is to befriend some of the parents and/or invite some of the other kids over for a movie or go to an amusement park or out to see a sports game and that will definitely win him cool points.  I also think that you should see what is popular with the fourth graders right now and make sure that he has it.  Always make sure that he has extra so that he can share and make sure he looks better and is better dressed than all of the other kids.  Also since he is not getting along well with the kids in school by him a pet so that he can have a friend until he makes some, it can't hurt.

Answer 10

My kids have been thru this and it is a major problem !!!

You make friends with the kids parents

ask the kids home for  a special occassion etc

Talk to other parents etc etc

it is a sad problem but a continual one.....

in all schools and all walks of life ..............

Answer 11

First of all, kids can be some of the most cruel people on Earth. I worked for an afterschool program at one point, and they were like social sharks. If one child was "different" (not ethnically.. just some random difference these kids saw), they would all taunt that child, or ignore him/her out of fear of being the next target (this is called passive bullying). It is difficult to help a child going through this unless you catch the taunting while it's happening. One of the reasons for this is the victim's reluctance to tell on his tormentors. The child does not want the embarrassment of a teacher or other adult helping them in front of other kids and they also fear "getting twice as bad later."

I would speak to your child's guidance councellor/ adjustment coordinator about what's going on. Your son may open up more to another adult, because he knows you are emotional (rightfully so) about this.

Some people suggested getting him involved in some sort of team sport. This is an excellent idea. Football would be my choice. There is a place on a football team for just about any kid. Now (before Wednesday) is the time to sign up for local Pop Warner or other pee-wee football leagues. It would do wonders for his self-esteem and maybe make him some new pals.

Answer 12

Poor kid, I feel for you.  My daughter seems to have lots of friends at home and around the neighborhood, but not at school.  I'm a bit concerned, too.  I would definitely talk to your child's teacher about any concerns you have.  I have gotten my daughter involved in mini 4H, soccer, and baseball.  It really does help, because the friends she makes outside the classroom are friendlier to her in the classroom environment, too.  I would try to find out if there are any types of behaviors your son displays in the classroom that are different from the other kids.  I know kids can be cruel, my daughter is VERY smart and polite but yet other kids sometimes make fun of the fact that she likes "boys" toys.  (I found this out from a conference with the teacher)  Kids can be cruel, but atleast he has a loving mom at home that cares.  Good luck and give that little guy a hug for me!!

Answer 13

You're not at school all the time to see how he reacts among other kids.  I would make and appointment and have a lengthy talk with the teacher(s), to start.

Answer 14

Well first of all, everyone is the outcast of a group at some point in their life. It's completely normal. Second; just put him in groups such as sports, clubs, activities, anything really. It'll help his social skills miraculously. Start him off with good friend making tips: Say hello, my name is... and then start conversation about... something they are doing together because apparently, they both are into it if they are in the club or sport. Hope this helps.  

Answer 15

Ask the kids in school , why dont they play with or keep your

son in their group. Interview few kids without giving your identity.Study what all of them have to say regarding your son. If all the kids dislike, there must be some reason.

Find out and fix the problem lying with your son. He will

soon be happy among company. Dont lose heart.

good luck

savithri  

Answer 16

parent teacher conference, to see how he is acting,. keep in touch with the teacher via email. he might just act different at school. good luck!

:)

Answer 17

aww that really sucks... when kids are in school.. having popular clothes and stuff is really important... please dont tell the teachers.. if you tell the teachers they will make a point of asking the other kids why they are being mean to him.. this can only make things worse because they will make fun of him for his mom telling the teacher.

Answer 18

Talk with your son's teacher.  Ask her to be upfront with you even if it hurts.  It's already hurting you to see your son suffer socially, so maybe if you hear from his teacher possible reasons, you'll be able to help him more.  Also ask the teacher if there are any kids she thinks might have some things in common with him and would make for good friends.  You could try to schedule play dates with those kids or invite them over after school.  I had a student last year who tried SO hard to be friends with everyone, but the poor guy was just socially awkward.  I tried my best to let him see when what he was doing was annoying, and I tried just as hard to have his classmates recognize when he was being cool.  I think his mom knew deep down that he was awkward, and she did a good job of finding ways to keep him active.  He had a couple of regular friends he played with (who were also socially awkward), he played soccer, he was in Scouts, and he joined an after school club.  The more kids got to know him, the easier it was for them to dismiss the things they didn't like and find things they did.  He's still not the most popular kid in school, but he's making progress.  Talk to his teacher and see what she has to offer.  You should also talk to him.  Maybe he knows more than he's letting on.  Good luck!

Answer 19

You need to talk to his teachers and see how he acts around the other kids. You might think he's nice etc but when he's at school he may act differently and that would explain why he isn't popular. Maybe ask some of the other parents what their kids say about him? There's no reason for him not to have friends if he's nice and friendly so I think there must be something going on. Hope you can find out and get it sorted out.

Answer 20

okay, I don't know what country you live in, but in my school experience, having the coolest clothes the nicest food or being generous, won't win you friends, some people may become jealous and start rumours and such.  Talk to the teacher ask how he behaves in class and how other kids react to him.  Getting him involved in clubs could really boost his confidence and help him get to know people.  I'm thinking he might be shy not around you but people he doesn't know, teach him a trick or something so he can show other people, then people might want to come to him and talk, he'll be able to show them and they'll probably understand him more and they would be more willing to let him sit with them.  Hope I helped, and hope in works out.

Answer 21

Get him involved in activities outside school where he can make new friendships. In fourth grade, you can no longer get with the other parents to set up playdates -- it won't fly with the kids -- but whether it's a musical group or martial arts or other athletics, doing this will help him gain confidence and a positive identity and make new friendships that are not based on the social pecking order at school.

You should make sure he is only being excluded and not also bullied though.

It surprises me, as you have described him, that he cannot make any friends. Perhaps it will also get better as he gets older and into larger middle and high schools with a more diverse student body.

Answer 22

He looks fine, he's nice, kind, friendly and warm

I don't see any reason for other children to dislike him

I suggest you talk to his teachers and try to find out what happens to him during school and how does he behave? Is he shy or something

Maybe he doesn't like to socialize

That's all I can think of

Answer 23

Sign him up for soccer, horseback riding, boyscoutlling (not your first pick to be a popular person lol), football, etc. This will for sure let him make for friends. I meet my best friend in AFJROTC in high school so I know it works. Once he starts making friends out side of school, he'll see the world is not a cruel place, and probably stop caring about what other kids think of him. Who knows. maybe one he shows the other kids he dosent care if they like him or not, and still remains nice they will come around to him. Its worth a shot right? Good Luck!  

Answer 24

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW... thats sooooooo sad :(:(:(:(:(:(  you should totally tell the teachers!! For your kids good!! Ask your kid what they thinks wrong with him. Move him to another school?

Answer 25

Unfortunately kids are cruel and for some reason they just choose a certain child to be the outcast.  I know this is hard for both you and him.  I am a 4th grade teacher so I see this quite a bit.  Too bad telling the teacher doesn't solve all the problems.  I usually encourage these students to increase there self-esteem.  I can't "make" the other kids hang out with them...or if I do it would just be worse for the student when I am not around.  I like to boost their self-esteem and teach them small ways to make friends (i.e. go up to a new group at lunch and ask if they can sit there, join in on a game of basketball on the playground, if they see a group of kids talking before class- join in on the conversation).  This takes a ton of self-esteem, so this, to me, is the best place to start.  Is he shy?  Have him "practice" talking to people he doesn't know. (i.e. asking a waiter a question, talking to the woman at the grocery store, etc.)  Also, I would schedule an appointment with his teacher to let them know what you are trying to do.  Sometimes they observe things that parents don't.  Good Luck!

Answer 26

Ohh! Poor little man!

How about a team sport? Like soccer or something similar? Maybe you could express your concerns to the coach in order to gain some encourgement and assistance in helping you son to fit in a little.

My thoughts being team sports require your son to work and build trust in a and with team mates. Maybe they may see some of his qualities shine.

Good luck.