What can i do? (out of control 10 year old twins)

Question

I got custody of my little brother and sister about six months ago. Their 10 year old twins and calling them badly behaved is an understatement. They lie, steal, cuss, their violent, their destructive, their constantly in trouble with the police or ending up in the emergency room because they've had an accident doing something they shouldn't be and they won't listen to a word i say. I've tried everything from grounding them to taking away all their privileges and nothing has worked. I've tried the naughty step and rewards charts with no success. It's gotten to the point where the police don't even have to ask the twins where they live, they already know. And i'm very concerned about my two year old son as he is starting to copy their behavior. Can anyone suggest anything?

I've taken them to a behaviorist and they have refused to see them after a number of "incidents".

Answer 1

Well let me say this is a very tricky situation and one i'm very familiar with. I am a twin and when i was 10 me and my brother where h**l for our mother, doing the exactly what your describing. I'm now 17. what you have to do is find a punishment that works on them, it's different for every child with me the only thing that made a slight impact was a smack on the butt. Try to prewarn them in advance what the routine is going to be, set some house rules and read them to the twins making sure they understand each rule. Once you've been through the rules and decided on the punishments they will get you explain that to them as well. Give them some responsiblilty as well, nothing big but make a big deal out of it so say "i've got a really big important job for you to do..." and praise every little thing they do right, no matter how small. if they hold the door open for you, praise it, if they help with the shopping, praise it, if you see them playing nicely, you got it praise it. it's positive and negative reinforcment, when they do good reinforced that that is the behaviour you want when they do dad reinforce that that is behaviour you don't want. They've probably never had anyone pay much attention to them so make time to spend with each child separately, it really helps. also are the twins sleeping in the same room? if they are it could help splitting them up, what you find with twins is they instigate the other one to cause trouble. They cutting out sugar and artifical colourings from their diets, you'd be suprised how much of an effect it can have on behaviour, have they been tested for ADHA or ADD?

with the police what my mum did was got the police to lock us up in a cell for a couple of hours and give his the talk about how bad jail was, it worked on my brother, but not me. Again every child is different.

There's also counselling programmes you can try, there is an excellent on in Utah which is like a survival course but the kids are surrounded by counsellors and they don't get out until they behave. It's not harsh and doesn't use any physical discipline. what they aim to do is teach the kids self-respect and discipline through team work and counselling sessions. i went to it when i was thrown out of a behavioural correctional boarding school. i wouldn't reccomend them, the one i went to used corparole punishment still and it just made me worse, getting my butt whooped just made me want to get my own back. Try getting the twins involved in sports, excercise is a great confidence builder and allows them to be part of a team or club. it will teach them discipline while their having fun. And if nothing else tire them out enough so they haven't got the energy left to cause trouble.

good luck, i know it's hard, i feel guilty about what i put my mother through.  

Answer 2

They are in trouble with the police at 10 years old? When are they doing all of these crimes?

I am sorry to say this but at this age it is almost impossible to change their behavior on your own. You need professional help and they need 24 hour a day supervision. Boarding school for at risk children would be an option.  

Answer 3

Call "Nanny 911" and ask for help.

Answer 4

why did you get custody of them? have they had it hard from before? if thats the case thy are most likely rebelling try sit them down and talk to them about what they are feeling you never no they might just need a hug and to be told everything is going to be ok.

Answer 5

Watch 'supernanny' on TV, she helps everyone!

Answer 6

Wow!

I have no idea what to recommend except that you could try contacting The Supernanny and see if they would help.  I'm sure you'd be a prime candidate for the show.

It sounds to me like this behavior is as a result of the abuse and neglect they have suffered for the first 10 years.  They don't know how to behave properly.  I'm so sorry you're dealing with this!