What can i do to help my friend who's dad keeps telling her to loose weight?

Question

Okay...

Me and my good friend Alex are in grade 11 together. For the past year or so, She's been acting very strange. Every once in a while she stops in front of a mirror or a glass door and briefly looks herself up and down and often makes a grimace. Whenever i ask her what's wrong, it's the typical answer, "I need to loose weight".

Sometimes it frustrates me when girls do this to themselves especially when it's one of my friends, particularly her. Sometimes she gets mad and most of the time it puts her in a sad mood.

So i asked her up front a few months ago, "Why are you so upset about loosing weight? your smaller than me!" (I'm a size 18/20 she's like a size 12 or 10). I didn't understand. She explained it to me then, very emotionally, that her dad was the one telling her to loose weight. I was angry. I was on the phone with her once and heard her father come through the door and said something about the dishes. Then, when we walked out, he said to her, "And you need to make that run tomorrow to loose that weight of yours you know, it's not healthy...".

And when i object (i'm a little too-caring and protective) she says, "No... He's right, i really do need to loose weight." And then she'll believe it! And every other time its, "aw... i wish i could wear that-" (when it's HER size) "But i'm too big...". or, "Well, i wanted to buy that bathing suit, but my parents said it would reveal too much of my flabby stomach."

WHAT stomach? Gees... As if teenagers like us have to face through enough problems at school, it's VERY discouraging when parents are no help. They do love her, but sometimes, i don't think they realize that it hurts her whenever they tell her to change herself... like she's imperfect. Since when was any 'body' perfect?

It's hard for me to respect her parents, especially her DAD, if they've said something like that to her. Alex believes her dad saying she needs to loose weight and she gets so stressed about it.

Which is weird, because she's had alot of boys go after her and she just loves it!... but she still feels fat.

No matter what i do, no matter what i say, nothing can change her mind even if i compare our bodies. Once she looked at me and said, "Nah... your so healthy and slim, not like me...".

Seriously, what can i do to convince her that she's beautiful just the way she is? she really is! Every time i tell her she cheers up, but then later on she complains about it again.

I wish she could build her self esteem so she can feel good about herself all the time instead of crashing every time her father says something about it. Her FATHER for cryin' out loud...

What can i do?

Answer 1

Is her dad fat? If he is then that explains it all..

Answer 2

tell her that she is beautiful like that and she has to learn how to love herself and accept her self. She has to be confident and ignore people, and his father most of all.  

Answer 3

im in the exact same boot, im the same age as her, and my dad treats me the same, and i also see clothes and think woow i cant wear that, and stuff, i no it does help when people just randomly comment me by saying u look beutiful and just once in a while even if she hasnt just ask her casualy "have u lost weight" coz its boosts her confidence and if she has tried to loose weight and hasnt told anyone and u commented her on it then she will continue to do what ever it was she did. Another thing is u could try and help her with what she wants to do, liek join a gym with her or diet with her so that she knows she not on her own and she has a good friend like u there for her.  hope that helped

Answer 4

Male role models can seriously damage young women!  You are right to be on her side.  The only time weight matters is if it is a health issue.  He may be trying to say that, but her perception is that she's fat.  Body image is really important to most women, but she needs to believe that weight is NOT what makes the person.  

Answer 5

Hi,

it seems to me that your friend's father has some self esteem issues and because he can't admit it to himself, he chooses to bully his daughter instead. Keep on encouraging her, and do things that she enjoys. Unfortunately, she didn't choose her father. Like an accident, he happened to her. Good luck.  

Answer 6

Actions speak louder than words. Rather than just arguing with the negativity that she's hearing at home, jump in and help her get more active and more healthy.

I am not saying that you need to concede that her dad is right. She's already decided that he's right, and she's letting that ruin her self-image. I'm saying that by supporting her in getting active and healthy in a more positive light, you can shift her emphasis away from "losing weight" to "being happy with my body again."

There are body/curvy-positive activities out there, like bellydancing, that you might both enjoy. The next time she mopes about her weight, suggest one.