What can i do when my child refuses to do as I ask?

Question

my daughter is six, she is very precocious, she is also very stubborn. Yesterday i caught her stealing and then she lied about it, so to punish her i told her she had to do the dishes this evening. She is absolutely refusing to do it, crying, running away and mouthing off (why don't YOU do it if you want it done?, she said). I am at my ropes end. She has a favorite blanket that is the most important thing to her in the world and I finally decided to take it away from her because she would not do her punishment. Now she is just sitting and crying about that and still refuses to do the dishes. what can I possibly do next?

Answer 1

wash her mouth out with soap for being so rude, smack her bum and put her to bed and no tv for a week. She is going to continue with this behaviour if you don't come down on her hard. And it will only get worse.

Answer 2

My oldest has always been this way.  She does wrong and then argues to try to convince you that you are being unfair and trying to make you feel guilty over something she did to start with.  Makes you want to scream sometimes.  

I have found over the years the best way to deal with mine is I will tell her to do such and such and then when the time comes and she wont do it I will tell her she has a set amount of time to get it done or she looses something special to her, in your case the blanket.  When the time is up and she still hasnt done it then I go and get said item and bring it to where she is at and tell her this is her last chance she can either do it or the item is mine for the next two weeks.  if she doesnt get up then I go and do it myself and lock the item away in our closet for the two weeks.

When she starts the whinning and bawling over loosing the item I tell her she had three chances and it is three strikes your out and I will not discuss it with her any farther right now and leave the room.  She will yell, scream have her little fit and i ignore her eventually she sees I am not going to give in and she quits.  When she finally calms down then I will sit down with her and ask her why she lost the item I took away from her and then I explain again why i took it but the decision stands and she does not get it back until the time is up.  After a few times she caught on that it was better to do what was told than to dodge it.

Answer 3

basically what i would do is sit her down and talk with her about it...ask her why she is doing these things....she may have a good reason. If she continues to do bad things give her a time out for one minute for how old she is (6 years=6 min time out) tell her to think why she is there. Also dont say do the dishes just say she has to help because by doing that, you get quality time together and you could ask her why she does those things then also

Answer 4

You are letting her be the boss of the household. You need to show her that you are the one who is in charge. Give consequences. It sounds to me like she needs to be told 'Do the dishes or you will get a smack'. If you don't believe in smacking, come up with another consequence, eg ýou will sit in the corner until you do the dishes.... or I will take your toys away until you do the dishes. Not just one toy buy ALL of them. Dont feel guilty about it - she needs some tough love.

Answer 5

what was she stealing from?  If it was from a store, go to customer service and ask if you can speak with a security guard and have them explain what happens to people that steal.  If it was from you, you need to have a clear set of rules.  Personally, I think she should have daily chores, like dishes, daily regardless of punishment to establish some self worth to being a part of the household.  I don't think one evening is dishes is enough punishment for an act that would be illegal if she was an adult.  I would take away video games, a bike, the phone, or something she really enjoys for a specified period of time, such as three days and DONT GIVE IN!  stick to your guns.  Yes children cry, whine, carry on, have tantrums, but all it is doing is pushing your buttons.  That is why you need to have a set routine on what is expected of her and have set punishments that the children know will happen.  Send her to her room and remove any "FUN" things out of there.  When tell her when she calms down and wants to talk (apologize?) that she can come out.  And really, make sure the fun stuff is out of her room (tv, games, computer, etc!).  When she comes out, TALK (not yell) with her on what she did and why she is getting the punishment.  Other than that, stay strong and lay some ground rules.  

I went to school (back in the day) with a girl who would throw tantrums like the one of your daughters in HIGH SCHOOL!  I am not kidding you!  You need to stop the behavior now.

I wouldnt take her blanket, I had one as a child and it was not really a "fun" thing but a security thing.  That would be devastating to a child.  Take away some privaleges and GOOD LUCK!

Answer 6

Take a deep breath.  You are not alone.  Been there, done that, and so have many.  First, while it's really, really tempting, try not to lose it with her.  This is going to make her lose it with you, and will continue to escalate.  She is strong-willed, clearly, which is something that will one day serve her well.  Describing her as precocious tells me a lot.  She wants to be heard and respected.  She thinks she should have as much say as you do.  Don't laugh at that, or belittle it.  Just stay calm with her.  

Punishments, amazingly, are not always the way to go to get the result you want from your child.  Talk to her, find out why she stole, why she lied.  I'm not sure what she stole, but in a case like that, it does seem that consequences for her actions are appropriate.  You want her to learn that there are always consequences for something as serious as stealing.  The consequence for lying was your disappointment in her.  That is the same consequence she will get as an adult from others, along with possibly losing people's trust.  As far as stealing, the punishment needs to fit the crime for her to get it, and for you to be able to stand by it.  Doing the dishes, while a worthy chore, doesn't have any connection to her transgressions.  Find something that does.  At six, she needs to be reminded how meaningful people's things can be to them, and that while sharing is appropriate, so is asking!  Perhaps an apology is in order.  Make sure that whatever she stole, she is not allowed to use or have access to, if that is possible.  Obviously, that doesn't work for everything,like an extra helping at dinner, but if she stole a computer game or a toy, then she shouldn't have those privileged items for a while.  

When she is running away, crying, and "mouthing off", let it run its course.  You cannot reason with a crying six-year old.  Or a crying and screaming adult for that matter.  Let her go, and when you are both calmer, have the talk, discuss appropriate consequences.  Give her a chance to talk and be heard, and she may even come up with what she thinks are appropriate consequences.  Once she's calm, she will likely admit her errors in judgment/behavior.  Making her a part of the solution to be sure that this doesn't happen in the future is a really good way to get her to follow through.

Finally, although I understand how upping the ante feels like the thing to do, taking her comfort object is going to confuse her, and upset her beyond what is necessary.  Obviously, you don't want her to be sad and upset, you just want her to do what you ask.  Work together on that.  Let her be a part of improving her behavior.

Good luck. Hope it helps you :)  Hang in there!!!

Answer 7

Violence speaks louder than words. Give her a little smack in the mouth, and she's guaranteed to give you her undivided attention.

Answer 8

OMG I have the same problem, when I try to discipline my oldest kid who is 7 (boy) he will sit there and not want to do the punishment.  It is really a battle of wills, the child will try to make YOU break and GIVE IN!  Get daddy for reinforcement.  You have to BREAK your child before the problem gets any worse.