What can my friend who teaches do about her wardrobe and getting respect at work(she is being used at work)?

Question

my friend and I, we graduated from college together we are both teachers... her face looks like she 15 years old and shes also slim... which mean she wears junior clothing to work which makes her look as young as the children we teach... she doesnt men to look young... its like she cant control it... due to her small frame... but students dont take her seriously nor do other collgues due to what she wears and also her niceness... like one time... the secretary was ask to write up a permission slip for a talent show/assembly by another teacher.. and she did it.... my friend asked her to do the same thing and the secretary told her to write it up.... my friend ended up doing all the work and the secretary copied the slip and made it for the whole school instead of doing her job...how can my friend demand respect... people always asking her for stuff at the job and she always cave in and do it... but when she ask for something... which is not often at all... they turn around and talk about her

she is being used at work due to her frame and niceness

55 minutes ago - 3 days left to answer.

Additional Details

7 minutes ago

she is not assertive at all... she caves in quickly... she remember collegues and their children birthdays and buys them books or give them gift certificates and I heard a person tell their daughter "I want you to tell her its your birthday next week so she can buy you something" she buys expensive stuff for people and in reverse when it was her birthday people gave her dollar store gifts... that they know they would want it... be she would say "its from the heart"... she is so nice... i take days off of work sometime they dont ask me for a reason why... but when she takes a day off...which is rare... they want her to sign papers and they take money from her check

Answer 1

First of all, you should have a frank conversation with her. Start by telling her what a smart, nice, giving person she is, and that unfortunately, sometimes people will take advantage of that.

She needs to be more assertive.  When she is not able to do something for someone, she should say that she can't.  If she doesn't want to just say "NO", she can make up a little white lie so that she won't feel so bad.  ("Oh, I'm sorry, I can't.  I have a doctor's appointment" or whatever.)

About her wardrobe: if she is a petite person, and if she wants to dress in a more professional, sophisticated manner, she should shop in the "petite" department of major stores instead of the "juniors" section.  She should be able to find cute, yet appropriate clothing in the petite dept. of stores such as Ann Taylor Loft, Macy's, Nordstrom, or JC Penney.  

Everyone has come to assume your friend is the one to go to for favors.  She needs to start being "unavailable" from time to time, so that others don't always depend only on her.

As far as her generous gifts to people she's not too close to, it really is her choice, but maybe she needs to hold back just a bit.  

Try to guide her in a nurturing, friendly way.  (Don't make her feel bad.)

And frankly, maybe you could speak up on her behalf from time to time when it appears others are taking advantage.  Make a comment here and there to those people (when your friend isn't around maybe) about being reciprocal with favors and such!!

Good luck!!

P.S. About the taking of money from her check: as as I know (I'm a teacher, so I speak from experience in my own school district), teachers have a determined number of sick days and personal days, etc. which they can use.  Money really shouldn't be taken from her paycheck unless she's used up her days, or unless she has requested for money to be taken so that the number of days available stays intact.

Answer 2

I was like  Her..but I am a guy...It was worst for me....I was even shy to talk to girls when I was younger like in 20's.

people used me to borrow money and never pay back.

I have more examples   email me if interested.

I had to finnally put my food down...I had to get mad , just have to grow-up...face the nation head on like rams  having a fight.

You are  a good person...so now fight for  whats right....dont be a looser anymore.

I enjoy being nice...but  being nice to woves can be a serrious mistake.

You are a very passive girl......I wish I knew you...but   live in the city is tough to be passive...get out of town if you can't  change soon enough because you can fall into a dangerous situation in no time.

If you  can...some groop may be the answer  (assertiveness groop)

just say no !    ( I said no..and I mean it) say that everyday 10 times

Answer 3

I don't think her personality/nature/behavior has anything to do with her small size and frame.... I think that this is to do with her being too nice and not being assertive enough!!

Maybe you should have a chat with her, and let her know that you feel that she is being taken advantage of because of her too-kind nature and that she needs to start standing up for herself and be assertive! She is a figure of authority and the secretary should not be treating her in this manner, but the fact is, your friend is letting the secretary treat her this way! Maybe some self-help books or CDs might be the answer, or even seeing a therapist for perhaps 3-4 sessions might help also! Whatever she is comfortable with.... and if you give her your support, I am sure she will get there!

p.s I don't mean to be rude, but I am a little frightened that you are a teacher and you spell like that!!!