What can we do about the problems our daughter's school is causing?

Question

in a nutshell our seven year old has had her and her sister removed from our home for an entire year back in 2005. she told stories to her school about her dad and more stories while in state "care". we have them back now but she continues to be manipulative. the new school she attends is making it worse. they NEVER tell us about anything she does and until just recently i found out that our daughter has been seeing the school counselor for some time but we have never been told. she even goes on field trips but we have never seen a permission slip. she has destroyed her own clothing and her bookbag. what did the school do? they only praise her for all the positive she does and completely ignore the negative. certain teachers and even the principal are going over our heads and treating her like she is their child. we do love her this school sees the kind sweet side to her. we get the real her here at home. she has called her sister and even me a *itch and made threats. what can we do?!

Answer 1

I don't know what to say.  I find it hard to believe that the state would take the very serious measure of removing two children from their parents, solely based on a 7 year old's made up stories.  I think there is a lot more to this story.

Answer 2

Time to start home schooling.Also time to break in a paddle or 2.

Teach her there ARE consequences to lying.

Answer 3

Change schools.

Answer 4

check state laws- allowing a child to go on a field trip without parent permision is illegal in my state (nj) and probably other places.  This is HUGE leverage in the situation.   (Serious grounds to sue).

If you've gone to the princepal w/no luck, lucky you he has a boss.  The school board is your next step or the district office.  I'd keep climbing the chain until the heat trickles down and the problem is addressed.

Also make sure your child receives adequate healthy attention & power at home (being in change of something can help).  

Best of luck in your frusterating situation!!

Answer 5

Talk to the principal, let them know her past history and ask them to ensure you have more say as to what the child is getting involved with.

I now agree with another answer where something doesnt add up with this story. Starting to wonder about the last one now as well.

She is 7, if the school was being that irresponsible then they wouldnt have got her talking to the counsellor, a 7 year old is not capable of making those decisions theirselves.

Its illegal for the school not to get the parent or guardian to sign permisison slips for field trips etc, in case of anything going wrong they would be entirely responsible for it seeing as they dont have your permission.

They are not ignoring the negative, they are giving her counselling. Praising for the positive isnt a bad thing, it sounds as though she may get more praise at school than she does at home. The fact that she can be good and behave at school shows that the child does have hope of recovering from whatever disorder she possibly has, if the last question i answered was true. I think youll find that instead of going against the school you need to work with them,it sounds as though they are the ones on the right track and who are trying to help the child.

Answer 6

Alot of children do this to get the big splash, attention.  She may not be getting the right kind of attention at home and seems to be getting it from the school even if she is lying.  She may be telling half truths or she may be telling them things as she sees it happening through a childs point of veiw.  She feels that they are listening to her, spending time with her, and she doesn't get it at home.  I think having a professional counselor involved would be good for you, take her to a child physcologist and involve the whole family.  When you get onto her, the things you say could make a huge impact, just not the impact you want.  Good luck.

Answer 7

change schools or go to family counciling

Answer 8

have you taken her to see a pediatrician?  Alot of times there are underlying behavioural concerns, such as ADHD or ODD that are causing the problems.  Unfortunately in my experience once the child learns to manipulate situations to their advantage it only gets worse unless the parents are able to seek out help for themselves.  Consitency is the key to changing her behaviours.  The school and home need to work together toward a common goal.  It might be worth requesting a meeting with all adults involved noe before things get really out of hand.  It wont be easy thats for sure, I wish you luck

Answer 9

If you have legal custody someone has to contact you and tell you what counseling your children are getting.  

Your oldest daughter would have been what 4 going on 5 in 2005?  

Children are not removed from homes just on the child's word.  

Hmmm this sounds like a fish story to me.

Answer 10

If she is now in your total care and guardianship I don't believe they can begin counseling without your permission.  Unless, there was a prior IEP that they are continuing from when she was in state custody.  You need to get some legal advice about this.  Also make an appointment with the principal and find out what the reasons are that you are not being kept informed of these things.  Get into some family counseling.  She may be seeking attention in the wrong way that can potentially tear apart the whole family.  Talk to the school counselor, get feedback from the teachers, get a psych test done at the school.  Bring forward all your concerns.  It's time to nip this in the bud before it gets too out of hand.  If you sit back and wait you look like an unconcerned parent.