What can we do we have tried everything?

Question

My wife had a miscarriage a month ago. We try everything we can to get over it, but can't help but feel bad about what happened. My wife goes to consoling. It helps her, but I don't know if I should go. I hate feeling like I have nothing! She said the consoling helps her, and she is slowly working through it. What can we do? Even though she is working through it she still isn't over it. Please help!!!!

Answer 1

It takes a lot longer than a month to move on from something like a miscarriage. Counseling is a good idea for both of you if you're having trouble dealing with it. Go together if your wife would like that too. Definitely wait on a baby until you're out of school is good advice.  

Answer 2

maybe you could adopt there are alot of kids out there who need a loving home  

Answer 3

You need to give it time.

A month is not very long when you are greiving.

Give your wife as much time as she needs to work her way through this.

She may need more counselling in a couple of months - she may pull out of this herself or she may be a bit teary and upset every now and then for some months to come.

It is a heartbreaking time - love your wife and stay strong as a couple & be patient.

Remember to give her (& yourself) time to heal........

Remind her gently that these things often happen for no reason ( 1 in 4 pregnancies fail before 12 weeks) its nothing she did or contributed to.

Assure her you will both try again when you are ready & through with school.  You have your whole lives ahead of you still.

Answer 4

I know it is hard to get over and I really don't think it is something that you can really get over.  I think maybe you should try going to counseling as well.  Even maybe together.  Have you gone to a dr to see what the problem may be?

Answer 5

Be understanding of her loss. It could take her years to get over it and then there may never be a get over it time. Its a loss for the both of you so instead of seeing it as we need to get over the loss try and reconnect with each other. Try and relate to her by not using terms like getting over it. I don't think one ever gets over loosing a child. Even if it was early in pregnancy she may feel that baby was alive. That is the way I feel and don't know what I'd do if I ever lost any of my children including the one that not here yet. I would also talk to her about doing couples therapy to for it. Explain to her that you feel loss too and could use the help. In the long run if you do therapy together it will do a lot more than one on one therapy. After all it toke two of you to make the baby!

Answer 6

It's a love story.. but if u both r stressing about having a child... it's most likely not going to happen. I would recommend blessing from both ur parents b4 conceiving.. I believe even if u r not married.. tell them u love each other.. and by coming together as one is by a child. But I also stress 2 finish any schooling that u have planned.. it's not easy raising children.. as u think. All ur attention will go into the pregnancy and birth and when they r here with u... U can't keep having s*x 2 make up for the child u have lost..but think of the next child u may conceive. I admit..even tho i am a nurse.. now.. I had to rely on my mom and pops for help.. cash money wise.  Think real.. not fairy tales..

Answer 7

Talk to each other about it. Cling to each other and work together to get through it. Let her have some time to get over it and be supportive while she does.

Answer 8

I lost a baby in 1998 i was close to 3 months along.  It was the hardest thing to go through at that time in my life. I had no idea on how one day there was a heart beat to the next day nothing. I spent alot of time alone thinking about things and trying to find the answer to why it happened. was it something i did or ate or maybe slept the wrong way. i went through it all. Then one day i though what i was given was a little gift a wounderful gift and for some reason unknowen to me at the time outside forces felt that i was not ready for this child so the child was taken back tell a better time. my first pregnanct due date was 11/17. ne month shy of 6 years i found out i was expecting again. her due date was 10/17. i was sceart to death the whole pregnancy but i knew that this baby was my gift given back to me. back in 1998 i know now i was not ready truely for kids i didnt have a stable enough life myself or a stable job to be able to raise my child the way i hoped and dreamed. the father would not have been in the childs life. there was many different factors i looked at the older i got.  just stand strong next to your wife. there is not a year that goes by when 11/17 comes by and i dont think about the little life that was in me but then i look at my daughter and see that she did come just not when she was supose to. my thoughts are with you and your wife it will be hard. i hope this does help you some.

Answer 9

You should try counseling like she is. Maybe its what you need. You will never get over a loss like that but you also need to think of a life that you could have ended up having. It sounds to me that you are about my age. 17. I have lived through it. Except that i was much younger. And i still lost it. I was small for my age and it was a very unlikely father to begin with. Its difficult to get over, but i think that you should show what you could offer the baby now, versus 5 years from now. i am sure 5 years from now looks a lot brighter. Someday when you finish school you should try again though. Until then goood luck.

Answer 10

First off, I'm so sorry for your loss! You have lost a loved one, and it's going to take a while to move on. Don't expect to "get over it" because you will never forget your baby or the feelings you have for him/her, but with time you will begin to move forward again. Just take your time and grieve. It's natural and normal. I would suggest taking some time off of work and going on a little vacation for a while with your wife. Get away from the family, and other things that are just going to keep your mind on it right now. Try to relax and enjoy being together. Again I'm so sorry.

Answer 11

i remember you. sorry that it is still hard on you both. attend counceling with her that should help and this kind of thing does take time. i recall that you wanted another one but she didnt. if i am mistaking you for someone else then sorry. talk with her and comfort one another. the pain will always be there you just have to learn to live with whats happen and it takes more then a month to be able to move on.

Answer 12

just be supportive of her.  everything happens for a reason.  and you both are obviously much too young to have had a child anyway considering that your parent still have to sign for you to get married.  

Answer 13

The biggest thing you can do is not pressure yourself to be over it so soon! You will grieve for some time, in your own way.

Since it helps your wife, I think you should try going to counseling, too. If nothing else, it will give you a time and place to share your feelings about something that not many people in your everyday life will understand or be able to relate to.

Good luck, and I'm so glad you two have each other. Keep being open with each other, and remember to be accepting and respectful of each other and your individual timelines of your grief.

Answer 14

I'm sorry for your loss. You are going through the grieving process, what you are experiencing is normal. For your wife, I would recommend this site: http://www.babycenter.com there is a wonderful support group for women who have experienced miscarriage. It takes time to grieve, and it is a life changing event. Not only did you suffer the loss of an unborn child, but you lost the hopes and dreams that came along with the pregnancy. Talking is one of the best things to do during this time. Take care.

Answer 15

I'm very sorry for your loss. It will take time for the wounds to heal. If you believe counseling would be helpful for you to feel better than I think you should try. You do have something, you have you wife. Both of you need to be there for each other. Hold her, cry with her, talk to her, and love her. That is the most you can do for her. I hope both of you will overcome this. I wish you both the best of luck.