What can you do when???

Question

Your fiance is adopted and he does not want to try and locate his birth parents.He does have wonderful adoptive parents I think for medical reason it should be done. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Answer 1

I think you should leave him alone. Would you really want to see the people who put you for sale at a certain age. If he's happy without them then leave him happy.

Answer 2

Leave it alone.  Maybe one day when you're going to be parents, he may feel a need to find his birth parents for medical reasons.  But maybe not.  It's his choice.

My 24 year old brother has no desire to find his birth family.  I think he's afraid he'll offend the adopted family.

Answer 3

sometimes it is just better not to know

Answer 4

I guess you may be concerned about hereditary problems if you have children ?. if so,then maybe your fiancee could think about asking for medical info,but if he isn't up for that,then theres not much else can be done,apart from having blood tests done to rule out health problems,and for him to remain fit and healthy,in case things like strokes/high blood pressure etc are hereditary.

Answer 5

I understand your concern especially if you are planning to have children.  However, it is a decision that HE has to make.  Many adopted children do not want to find their biological family.  Perhaps you could come to a mutual agreement in that perhaps he could contact the adoption agency and see if they have any medical information on file.  That would help you to gain the info that you want but also keep his wishes too.  

Hope that helps.

Answer 6

If he don't want to know & he happy let him alone

Answer 7

don't push him to find something out he doesn't want.

Let it go if some day wants to fing out he will.

Answer 8

If he doesn't want to, then you need to let it go.  There are a lot of different feelings about adoption and he has the right to listen to his own heart and make this personal decision.  You need to respect his choice.

Answer 9

i'm adopted also and i have never wanted to find my biological either. they try to match your medical history to the family that you are going to go to, so it should be similar to his adoptive families.

Answer 10

If HE is happy then let him be. If you push the subject you may be harboring resentment on his families side. Be happy with him and his PARENTS

Answer 11

I say don't push it if your boyfriend does not want to meet them then that is he's decision do not force him or do it behind his back take it from someone who knows.

Answer 12

You need to leave it be.  It's his personal decision and he may never change his mind about that, and that is very much his right.  I know you are probably looking at it from the standpoint that you may have children some day and would like to know of genetic risks, but still, this is something you need to let go.  Don't push him on this.  I'm adopted, it's a very tough thing to decide if you should find your biological family or not.  He may change his mind someday, but if he doesn't, then you'll just have to let it go.

Answer 13

I complete medical history should have been given when he was adopted.  If not, he can just find that out without finding his biological contributors.  Don't push the issue with him.  He'll come around if he wants to.  It took my step-mom until she was 40, and that was only after a half brother contacted her ten years before.  She just had no desire to meet her other family.  She felt like is was disloyal to her parents.  Be understanding and support him.  He'll thank you for it later!

Answer 14

If he doesn't want to locate them then that's his choice...  don't put any pressure on him.

Answer 15

this is an extremely personal issue, ytou should back off, it's his decision.

If you're concerned about his health, than you should just encourage him to live a healthy active lifestyle - eat right, don't smoke, get enough exercise, and see his doctor for annual check-ups.

Answer 16

Sometimes the adoption agency will have medical information on file and he doesn't have to find his birth parents to get it.  Try going that route first.  If that can't be done, don't pressure him into looking for his birth parents- reunions aren't always happy.

Are you asking because you two want to have children in the future?  A genetic counselor can test both of you for any inheritable diseases and let you know the odds of having a healthy baby.  Having a complete family medical history would help, but it isn't always necessary.