What can you do when your mother is manipulative, selfish, controlling, critical, (etc.)?

Question

Basically she has no regard for me (and now also my husband) and there is a conflict whenever we don't agree with her every wish and whim with regards to just about everything but mostly my kids. (She's worse than most exs even aspire to be.) They are her only grandchildren and their wishes are her commands, regardless if it is in their best interest or not and no matter what we say or do to the contrary. I would love few things more than to have her chaos out of our lives but haven't a clue on how to do that. Whatever we have tried works only for a short time, and temporarily at best, if at all. It would be great if we could somehow manage to have nothing to do with her but I can't even comprehend how that could be possible. All reasonable suggestions welcome and serious answers only please! Thanks in advance!

Answer 1

Sorry to say but yes pack and move limit your communication even now. If she doesnt want to abide by your wishes. File a T.R.O. (temporary restraining order) you are an adult now you need to live your life how you wish to. I had the same kind of parent the minute I had no more contact with my mom it was a relief it took years to heal. It does you no good or your kids to suffer this with out fighting back. If she is controling your kids imagine how much damage emotionaly she is doing. Do you really want her to be able to hurt them? Think about that the next time she lays the guilt trip on you. Good luck.

Answer 2

You probably live in or near the city where your mother lives.  Talk it over with your husband, and figure out a place where you can move to and still have a job (or jobs) good enough to support your family.  And I'm talking about FAR away.  My mother was the same as yours.  With the real estate market in the toilet, you may have to rent out your home if you own it.  Believe me, it'll be worth the sacrifice.  

My husband and I moved from WIsconsin to Florida to get away from my mother.  It wasn't easy going at first, trying to get established in new jobs.  However, we were both so much happier on our own, with no outside interference, that we kept plugging along, making do with whatever money we had.  Where there's a will, there's a way.  My mom died a couple of years ago, and I still haven't shed a tear for her.

Answer 3

I'm older than your mother.  Trust me on that.

A wise man, many years ago, told me that "Great love is sometimes shown by great distance."

Oh how true that was.  

You don't live in the only town on earth.  Go FAR away, and see to it her invasions are very limited.  Otherwise, your marriage will undergo a stress that could cause serious problems later.

She's had her life...don't let her take over yours!  Explain that to your husband.  His responsibility now is to you and your children.  Mothers-in-law have to come last in this situation.  

A strong nuclear family is best for the children, and that must be the only consideration in this situation.

Answer 4

If she come barring gifts for the children, tell her to go back ad put them in her car.  The children can not have them.  And don't let her in the house until she does it.

Tell her that the children belong to you and your husband and that you do not want her to butt in if you are trying to correct them or punish them.

You do not want her to buy them everything they want because if is not good for them to have everything they won't.  If she really wants to do something for them, put money in a good Mutual Fund for them for their college education.

She raised her children and you want to raise yours.  I would also tell her not to correct you in front of the children.  It causes the children not to respect you or your authority.

If she comes back at you with unkind words, walk her to the door and tell her not to come back until she can control her self.  Good luck!