What could i do?..............?

Question

Im a little down these days. And i dont know why. Maybe its because of my family, i feel like im no longer comfortable living with them. Or my frustrated love life. I've been into this girl for almost two months and this afternoon, she told me that one of her colleagues, whos been totally into him too, is now her boyfriend. She chose him, i guess im so uncool, jerk and a loser. Is it my social skills? Idk if i care, but i don't want to, or should i push myself to care about it or should i just repress my feelings... And in school too, i lost some of my important papers and im having trouble with my parents because of it, i mean its really important.

I dont know what to do, if i should just leave all my responsibilities behind or something. I know its not just these things, because if it is, i wouldnt be this down, i guess im a little strong about these, but sometimes not, i feel so unimportant. im a jerk. I feel so lonely. Could anyone here try to help me make me happy?

Thank you so much

Answer 1

You don't sound like a jerk, you sound like a pretty sensitive guy. I know it sounds cheesy but 16 can be really rough.I didn't like living with my family when I was sixteen either, its normal. Just remember your parents are hard on you because they love you and want the best for you. As for girls they will come and go. If she wants that other guy let her have him, don't let her know it bothers you. You have to play it cool with girls. Be nice to them but not too nice. Girls lose interest in guys that are too nice or too available, especially teenage girls. I'm 28 and there is one thing I can tell you that might brighten your day. Some of the nerdier guys I went to high school with now have the prettiest wives and girlfriends and some of the cool guys are now really overweight with no girls. You don't want to peak in high school. I knows its rough but its gets better, I promise. :)

Answer 2

Well, let's break all this stuff down into steps. So you really liked a girl for a couple of months. Did you let her know that you liked her? Were you dating her?  Or was she supposed to have ESP and somehow pick up on the fact that you liked her. Maybe it might have been a lack of assertiveness on your part. Or, it just might be that some people like chocolate ice cream and the next person likes strawberry. Maybe you weren't her type. Chin up. Start looking around for someone who likes strawbery ice cream. I mean someone who likes you. However, learn some social skills and use them. You'll find lots of books or probably information on the internet on social skills and dating.

Next, you lost some important papers. How did you lose them? Were you negligent? Are you generally a reliable person? If not, now's the time to start. Give your parents a reason to believe that you are a responsible young man. Be honest about what happened.

For most of us, being overwhelmed does lead to a sense of despair. It's okay to feel like that for a little while, say a couple of days, then you start a plan. These are all life lessons about growing up and becoming more mature. Assertiveness and preparation for the next time are two very useful tools. So, learn to be more assertive with others. When they know where you stand, both they and you will feel a whole lot better. Planning how to complete and keep your homework assignments in a safe place is another skill.

You are at the controls of your life, so start taking charge - right now.

I hope this information helps you get back up and moving forward.

Answer 3

Well for starters it may be your self-abuse, you just spoke down about yourself and I'm afraid that is rather unattractive.  

No you shouldn't repress your feelings, you should learn what your feelings mean, where they come from, and how to channel them.  The feelings will always be there even if you are pretending they aren't.  Those feelings are your mind and body telling you what's wrong, and what's right, but you have to know how to listen to them, channel them, control them, and what to do about them.  

It's a rather simple process.  

I feel guilty, I apologize.  

I feel angry, I go yell at the television, or do something fun to distract myself.

I feel depressed, I go do something fun.  

It's more complicated than that of course, sleep problems are one of the major sources of almost every problem, so are problems with your diet, or problems with how much exercise you are getting, it's actually quite amazing how many "psychological" problems are just lacking that twenty extra minutes, or how getting over depression is only a banana away.  

In my experience the most common reason why someone is down is basically because they don't feel good about themself, which is kind of a "duh" thing to say.  But the question is what to do about it, simple enough, if you want to feel good about yourself, be useful.  To be honest that's what brought me here, felt down, so I went and found people that had questions to be answered, felt useful for doing it, and tadaa, felt better.  

It doesn't have to be for other people, you can solve a math problem, bake some cookies, build a model, complete a ten kilometer hike, cheer up a friend who's down, just find a way to be useful, preferably something geared to what you are good at.  

I think you should be asking yourself why you say you are a jerk as you seem angry about that and it is perhaps something you should come to terms with.  

As for the "problems" you are facing, whenever you face a problem it's a simple process of asking.  "How can I solve this?" then when you find said solutions you execute them, problem solved, if the answer is that you can't solve it, then stop worrying about it and go do something else dwelling on it is not doing you any good.  And just try to remember to focus on the good things in life, there is no shortage of them.  

Do you have all your limbs for instance?  

Are your parents still living?

Trust me, you've got a lot to be thankful for, but the question is do you feel like others are thankful for you?  Do you feel like you have a place in this world?  If the answer is no, then, I think perhaps you should get out there and make yourself one.  

Don't forget a little downtime, but honest, nine times out of ten it's all about feeling useful and having a plan.  

Edit:

Couple of things based on other peoples comments that bug me.  I'm not going to say you are not a jerk, in fact I'm going to come right out and tell you, yes you are a jerk, and I'm calling you a jerk because you called you a jerk.  But so what?  For starters what is a jerk?  If it's something you don't want to be, do something about it, but whining doesn't solve anything, if you've got a problem you fix it, if it can't be fixed it's not a problem.  I know plenty of people that are proud to call themselves jerks, and just between you and me, typically they aren't really jerks, but they like to think it because they think it's fun.  I frankly have no idea what a jerk is, but I will gladly admit to being one, as well as rather enjoying jerked chicken.  This is what I mean by coming to terms with it, I'm not going to candy coat it like the psychologist and tell you you don't have problems, but so bloody what, we all have problems.  Problems are an opportunity for improvement, an opportunity to overcome, to improve upon who we are, learn from our mistakes and become more humble, more direct, more in control, more whatever we need to learn.  Happiness does not lie in simple indulgence, it lies in accomplisment, even if the accomplishment doesn't mean anything to anybody else.  

So what you maybe should be saying is that you WERE a jerk.  And if that bothered you, stop doing it, noone is any one thing ever, we grow we change, we change back, we take steps back and the dance continues.  Everyone is something at some time, if you have a problem with your conduct change it, if you don't, then love it.  There is nothing to be gained by dwelling in dark places, either recognize that things aren't so bad, or do something to make them not so bad.  You may try and fail, but at least you tried, and when your down in the dirt bloodied and hurting, that just means it's time to drag yourself back to your feet and get back in there.  And yeah sometimes someone else to pull us back to our feet and inspire us helps, don't think we are supposed to always do everything on our own, but if we need help we can't get it if we don't ask, so that business about only you can make yourself happy, well yes by technicality, but the question is how, and you better believe other people can help, but you have to be able to give them the opportunity to do so.  You have to be able to say, "Hey Roger, I'm feeling a little down, let's go shoot some hoops."  Or anything of that sort.  With the advent of the internet there is no shortage of people kicking around with time to kill, and you don't need the internet, or even other local people, you can go play with a pet, with a cactus, with a pet rock even.  This is what a team is for, we sink together, we swim together, sometimes the only thing that keeps me going is that if I quit, who am I letting down?  

Indulgence feels good for a while, and it's good to have some down time, but when it's over what do you have?

Answer 4

Hi there,

I'm going to give you a bit of advice in hopes that it helps. The best thing for you to do is to sit down make a list of everything that makes you happy. Do not focus on the bad things that are going on in your life right now just on the good things. Now focus on these things that make you happy and eventually (it's not an overnight process) things will begin to fall in place. And also try to set little goals for yourself through out this journey. eventually you will see how much confidence you begin to obtain and then maybe you will find someone. But right now your first priority is yourself. And remember you are not a jerk you are a good person who has just hit a rough patch right now. Take care.

Answer 5

Oh sweetie, I know what you are going through.  I deal with loneliness too.  I am known as the "loner" at my school.   I have two good friends, but I pretty much don't' talk to anyone else.  What really helped me was getting involved in cross country and track.  I have something to push myself and look forward too.  I'm not sure what age you are, but find something fun that you like to do.  Join a sports team or book club, or whatever.  Meet new people.  You may not make friends immediately, but over time you will.  And in the meantime love yourself.  You are not alone in your feelings.  Many people feel like this but they just hide it better.

Best of wishes.  

Answer 6

I think this depends on your age for one. Are you in college or high school? If you are in college or high school there will be many other girls out there trust me. I have been divorced and was married for 7 years, and getting ready to marry again. There is more to yourself than you realize! Also, did you even let this girl know you were interested in her, like telling her you like her more than a friend? Since I am a lady, I have lots of guy friends. I would never take it more than a friendship unless I came on to them first and they responded back, or they came on to me. As long as the feeling is mutual. Maybe you flirted with her and the feeling was not mutual. Who knows her story? Anyhow, keep your head up, let your parents know your frustrations and keep on truckin'! You will do great! And you never know if you keep yourself as her friend she will see that other guy is a loser and dig you!

Answer 7

YOU are the only one who can make you happy. Therefore you need to take action that will help you be happy.  A good place to start would be the counselor at your school. Or ask your Dr. to refer you to a psychologist that specializes in helping people in your age group and with your kinds of problems. Or find a nearby teaching hospital.  Or call a hotline. (look in the phone book).

Meanwhile, try to learn from the mistakes, such as losing those important papers.

You're not a jerk. You're as important as anyone else.  You're hurting, just like most people are during their lifetime.