What did I do to make him so mad?

Question

When I was a kid my dad never really paid much attention to me. He always played with my brother or was watching tv. My dad has been recently charged with child molesation.(Did it to my step sister when she was 11) When ever I think about whats going on or I think about the past I always seem to ask my self what did I do you make him so mad or Why didnt he ever want anything to do with me? Why wasnt I good enough?

Do you think his neglection could have something to do with the child molestation??

Answer 1

it could be that he didn't want you to be in so much pain, but the why and how you weren't the one.

i really don't know.

i also think the 2 could be related in his mind

Do you think his neglection could have something to do with the child molestation??

in his mind they were almost the same.

i don't think it was you that made him mad, some just turn.

no rhyme or reason.

Answer 2

maybe you arent his child or he didnt want to get to know cause he might molest idk

Answer 3

Yes I do. He was attracted to young girls and you were his daughter so you were off limits. Rather than risk molesting you, he kept his distance. That's one favor he did for you that  haven't recognized but I think you are starting to.

If you are wondering why  he didn't molest you then the answer is probably that he does have one decent bone in his body. Be glad he didn't. It would have messed up your mind more than feeling neglected or unloved ever could.

Answer 4

Thats actually a very common feeling. The neglect could be related to sexually abusive tendancies. He could have "justified" doing it to your step sister because she isn't biologically his child. Maybe he had urges but wanted to resist them while you were a child, who knows. The important thing is to seek therapy now, and work through this. You need to have a healthy relationship with yourself and learn how to deal with these feelings. It will get easier. I can't promise a time frame, but if you seek help and work hard, it will get better.

Answer 5

I don't think you ever did something wrong.

He has a mental problem that's for sure.

Cases like this are hard to forget, but you will get over it once you start to think that you never did anything wrong and that you don't deserve to pay (suffer) for somebody else's mistakes.

Blessings,

J.A.

Answer 6

I'm not being funny at all but I believe you need counseling regarding your childhood

Answer 7

Have to agree with Kimberley, I would strongly advise seeking professional help, i think you need to try and work this out with someone who can really help you get through this and work it all out.

Answer 8

You did nothing wrong.  I'm sorry to hear that your dad was charged with child molestation to your step sister.

A lot of times, people get married young before they know who they really are.  And, by the time they figure out who they really are, they often times find themselves in circumstances where they have a lot of responsibilities (e.g. - marriage, kids, etc.).  I see this happen a lot - people grow up looking for external validation to make up who they are; rather than reflecting within to get to know yourself and bringing that internal person to the external world.

When it happens that people seek external acceptance to make up who they are, they are not really honoring themselves.  As a result, they go along with what society expects them to do (go to school, get a job, get married, have kids, etc.) without taking the time to reflect within to find out who they are first.  This mostly happens because society is designed that way - we're so busy with everything that it seems we hardly have time to do any self-reflective work.

However, there comes a time that the true self has to eventually manifest itself outward sooner or later.  In your father's case, this seemed to have happened later.  As a result, he began "figuring" himself out a lot later in life and it's apparent that he was immature for his age.  It's not really his fault but rather a victim of circumstance - again, people sometimes just get caught up in the whirlwind of busy life.  Consequently, in essence you have kids raising kids (I'm talking in terms of emotional maturity).  However, what your father did wrong was act out this immature urge (which a boy would normally have) to try to connect sexually with your step sister.  In life, we go through stages and time is important - there are appropriate behaviors at different stages of life and what your father did was inappropriate.  It was something he acted out that he should not have done, and was an urge from an earlier phase (or self) in his life that probably never had the chance to express itself at the time.  It's probably why he played with your brother and watched tv when you were a kid as your father probably didn't know how to connect with you - he was emotionally immature.  

So, please don't blame yourself.  You did nothing wrong.  Again, what happened with your father was unfortunate but I don't think he's an inherently bad person - but rather a victim of circumstance who failed to restrain himself.  

I hope that you can forgive your father and I pray that there will be healing for everyone involved.

You were a precious child - and you still are a beautiful and worthy human being.  It's just life is not perfect and we all have to strive to do our best - whatever happens.  Good luck to you and I wish you peace of mind.  Take care.

Answer 9

By reading what you wrote it appears that your father may have been afraid to get to close to you because of what was going through his mind. By ignoring you, it allowed you to be safe. Maybe this is a case where being ignored by a parent is okay.  

Answer 10

The problem is he didn't hate you for any reason what so ever.  He was unhappy with himself.  This is the problem in abusive relationships as well is the person being abused always feels they have done something wrong when they have done nothing.  Don't blame yourself for anything he has done.  He is the one with the issues and not you.  I has to be hard to not be accepted by your father but you have to realize there is nothing you could have done or said to make him feel any differently about you than how he already did.