What did you do when you found out you couldn't conceive. ?

Question

My husband and I went to the doctor recently and found out that there is a very good chance that we wont be able to have children. My husband and I are devastated. My husband is handling the situation much better than I am, but I think he is just trying to be strong (He really wanted children).

What did you do or how did you deal when you found out you couldn't have children?

Also how did your husband/partner handle the situation?

Answer 1

i am so sorry to hear this.  it's really difficult to want children and not be able to conceive.  i personally haven't been in this situation.  me and hubby are ttc for over a year and i'm still hopeful.  the same hope that i am giving you and your hubby.  have you tried all the possible medications? IVF? IUI?  in this day and age, anything is possible.  never say never!!! there is still a chance you can conceive -- ask your doctor!!!

if not, would you consider adoption?

Answer 2

To be honest, I have yet to accept the fact that I may never have a child.  I just found out about a month and a half ago that I have diminished ovarian reserve.  The odds of getting pregnant are 5% and the odds of a live birth are 1%.  I have been pregnant twice and I lost both babies.  My last pregnancy ended at 19 weeks on July 31, 2007.  I have yet to conceive again.  

I do realize I will most likely not have my own healthy child.  However, I am not yet willing to give up trying.  I am going to try IVF.  Even though it most likely will not work-- I have to try.  It has worked for some people with the same problem as me; maybe it would work for me too.  I still have hope.  Its not gone yet.  I do not want to have regrets that I could have done/tried something and I didn't.  I will do what I can and if nothing comes of it then I will move on.  But at least I will have tried.

My husband has been really great through this whole thing.  He told me that: we got married to be together-not to have children.  We have each other.  The two of us are a family.  Even though we dreamed/planned on having kids, if it doesn't happen then we will just have to change our dreams/plans for the future.  We will make a new plan.  Not having a child isn't the worst thing in the world- much more horrible things could happen to us.

He is right.  It helps me to get through this.  Don't get me wrong, I cry and get upset about this situation.  I am sure if I get to the point where I have nothing left to try, I will grieve.  This is a very difficult thing to go through.  

If I was you, I would start researching my problem.  I also suggest going to a highly recommended reproductive endocrinologist that has a lot of experience with your problem.  Get a second opinion.  Then decide from there what you will do.  It is a very personal choice between you and your husband.  People who have not been faced with this have no idea what you are going through.  Do not let others influence your decision- what ever it may be.  You need to do what is right for you and your husband.  

I wish you strength and courage to help you get through this.  I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 3

Please do not give up. I stumbled upon this book recently, and  encourage you to buy this book:

Inconceivable: A Woman's Triumph over Despair and Statistics by Julia Indichova

Product Description

A memoir of hope for the thousands of women struggling with infertility, from one who beat the odds by simply tuning in to her body and tapping her well of sheer determination.

At a time when more and more women are trying to get pregnant at increasingly advanced ages, fertility specialists and homeopathic researchers boast endless treatment options. But when Julia Indichova made the rounds of medical doctors and nontraditional healers, she was still unable to conceive a child. It was only when she forsook their financially and emotionally draining advice, turning inward instead, that she finally met with reproductive success. Inconceivable recounts this journey from hopeless diagnoses to elated motherhood.

Anyone who has faced infertility will relate to Julia’s desperate measures: acupuncture, unidentifiable black-and-white pellets, herb soup, foul-smelling fruit, even making love on red sheets. Five reproductive endocrinologists told her that there was no documented case of anyone in her hormonal condition getting pregnant, forcing her to finally embark on her own intuitive regimen. After eight caffeine-free, nutrient-rich, yoga-laden months, complemented by visualization exercises, Julia received amazing news; incredibly, she was pregnant. Nine months later she gave birth to a healthy girl.

Unlike the many infertility books that take a clinical “how to” approach, Inconceivable simply professes the wisdom of giving expert status back to the patient. Julia’s self-discovery, and her ability to see her body as an ally once again, yield a beautiful message about the importance of honoring the body’s innate powers, and the power of life itself.



I hope this helps. Consider acupuncture and Tradition Chinese Medicine. Wishing you well

Answer 4

Hi, i just wanted to let you no that a doctor cant tell you nothin like that, if its GOD will you will have children. GOD said ask and recieve so have FAITH and pray and see how good GOD works and prove those doctors wrong! GOOD LUCK!! @ GOD BLESS!!

Answer 5

Well I have not been in the situation either but I know someone who was told since her teen years that she could never have children.  She talked about adopting but it was not a possibility.  So instead she told herself how horrible parenthood was.  Well now she has 2 children.  In her case they told her she would NEVER have them.  So if your Dr says there is a chance you may not have children.... keep praying and keep trying.  Anything is possible.

Answer 6

I have never been in such a situation personally..but I can only imaging the heartache you must be feeling right now.

As hard as it is, right now I would say to try your very best to be thankful that you still have one another.

Next, you may want to consider fertility treatments. I have known two people who have been in the exact same position as you where they could not conceive on their own. And after fertility treatments one had a gorgeous little girl, and the other had multiples!

It may be something for you and your husband to consider. I know it isn't quite the same "natural" method...but in the end to still have the same results of a wonderful little baby to hold may be worth it :)

If you are completely against fertility treatments, there is always the idea of adoption.

And as a final thought, there are facilities where women donate their eggs. These eggs can then be implanted into women who are not fertile.

I know it can be a scary situation to be in, especially if your hubby also wanted to have children. Thoughts of him being unhappy in the relationship etc may cross you mind..but don't give up! If you want children badly enough there ARE ways to be blessed with them! Stay strong and don't lose hope

I've attached some sources to websites with more information about available methods to women who can't conceive on their own

Answer 7

Think about other solutions.  You didn't say the reason for the fertility issue but there's both egg and sperm donors.  It wouldn't be 100% genetic between the two of you but it would be your child.  It's the difference between wanting a baby or wanting to be a mother.  For some, they accept it and more on.  For others, they want to be parents.  Some will chose adoption or foster children.  

So it's not that you can't be parents, it's about what the two of you want and what you're comfortable doing.

I was only given a 10% chance (by in vitro) and even less without it but I  conceived  2 times since being told that. And other women have conceived after saying they would never have a child.  So don't give doctors too much credit.  

Answer 8

i found out that the chances of my partner and i concieving naturally are almost next to none (partners sperm not so good) it was very disappointing but i have refused to believe that it's impossible and am booked in to start ivf.

we have handled this situation by just remaining positive and seeking all the assistance i can in trying to concieve, but at the same time not letting this end my life. (it must go on)

doctors have been proven wrong alot my cousin was told she would never be able to concieve after she had cervical cancer, she now has 3 children

is there any assistance that could possibly work with you or your partner  ??? i hope so.

if not maybe you can adopt or look at surrogacy if possible.

you have to be strong life is so unfair sometimes but you must go on and make sure you and your husband are there for each other.

i wish you the best of luck and one day hope you get a future miracle.